BeSteady Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Ran into the lying, cheating X a couple of days ago after 2 months of pretty much nc. She looked like hell with a really bad stringy bright red with fuchsia hair tint (the kind of tint that she would make fun of on others) and looking run down. Myself, l having lost a good deal of weight since the break up and wearing some new stuff, looking pretty good. It should have made me feel good! But it just made me sad. Likely I am just looking to explain away her behaviors over the last months but they seem consistently contradictory to who I knew. They may have been parts her personality already but they have gone so extremel Its as if she has been and is out of control, as if she is not well. If I didn't know better I would think she had drug issue but pretty sure it is not the case. I just don't understand my congitive dissonance of the person I lived with for close to 3 years and the one she has been for the last 6 months. I loved this person and now not only is she no longer part of my life but no longer her. It she make getting over easier but I just don't understand any of it and sadly I find that it all make me hurt a bit more.
GrayClouds Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 do you ever look back and think maybe she was pulling you down?
Author BeSteady Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 do you ever look back and think maybe she was pulling you down? I really don't know. I found it helpful to angry with her. Now after seeing her, I am feeling sad for her which tells me she still here at some level and I don't really want her to be. Am I an idiot that seeing her that way didn't make me happy?
Exit Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 You're not an idiot, it shows you have a soul that you feel bad for her instead of laughing and feeling good about it. I admit I'm in a spiteful mood about everything that happened to me and probably WOULD enjoy finding out that things are going less than peachy for my ex. The way you feel is perfectly acceptable, more noble than taking advantage of it to make yourself feel better.
Author BeSteady Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Thanks Exit. It is not to say I wanted her beaming joy and happiness. That too would have kicked me. But it just looked sad and it concerns me but it's no longer something I should care about. Maybe it is really testing me to just let it go...
Exit Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Like you said, not only is she gone, she may not be the same person anymore. Sometimes people do drastically change.
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