Star Gazer Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I'm very aware that it's not an R yet, but I see nothing wrong in putting forth some effort when he put forth quite a bit effort over the weekend. Quite a bit of effort? Like what? Getting you a bowl of ice cream from the fridge? Honestly, you've been treated so badly for so long that it seems like a guy being NORMAL to you feels like you're being treated like a queen and OWE him something. You don't owe him a thing. And please don't follow Carhill's advice and make tiramisu or creme brulee. You JUST met this guy.
boldjack Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well, if I could give you my "world Famous", recipe for Coq au vin, but it will cost you big bucks.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Well I've received a lot of great advice here that I'm going to definitely take into consideration. And in the mean time, I'll just take things as they come, and not try too hard, and enjoy what is while keeping my eyes open. Thanks everyone!
Rudderless Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I agree with SG, this sort of whirlwind would be freaking me out and as a guy I would be slowing it right down as I've done a few times before. I certainly wouldn't have encouraged it by handing over some keys to my apartment. In fact I think I would have done the exact opposite and made sure there was plenty of room to re-assess. That said I'm not in the situation so who knows, they both might be really good at trusting their intuition and this could be the way it works.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Quite a bit of effort? Like what? Getting you a bowl of ice cream from the fridge? Honestly, you've been treated so badly for so long that it seems like a guy being NORMAL to you feels like you're being treated like a queen and OWE him something. You don't owe him a thing. And please don't follow Carhill's advice and make tiramisu or creme brulee. You JUST met this guy. That was one example. And I'm not making dessert.
Star Gazer Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I'll just take things as they come, and not try too hard... But that's exactly what you're doing. Enjoy it while it lasts, Dreamer.
carhill Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 And please don't follow Carhill's advice and make tiramisu or creme brulee. You JUST met this guy. Absolutely agree. Men are idiots. Especially men who like food
Author dreamergrl Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 But that's exactly what you're doing. Enjoy it while it lasts, Dreamer. And as I said, I received a lot of good advice, and I'm going to take a few steps back . No need to beat a dead horse about it.
broken umbrella Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I think that as long as you realize that this intense level of attention may not last you will be fine. If he pulls away in a week, do not take it as a bad sign. Things seem to be going fast and furious right now and one of you (and it may end up being you) may start to feel the pressure and need to slow it down. And that will not be a bad thing if it happens. Just enjoy your dinner Dreamer! This is the fun part!
Jilly Bean Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Dreamer - the thing is that in early dating, the guy should be courting you, not the other way around. HE should be making efforts to impress you, plan dates he thinks you'd enjoy, etc. You shouldn't be the one at this point who is putting in this energy. What happens, is it gets him into the mentality that he doesn't have to work very hard to "win you". It lets a guy get very lazy, very quickly, as when you allow things to progress like this at an accelerated rate. For a guy who has known you for three days, and who is giving you his house keys, it's like he wants an instant gf, which means it's less about you, and more about needing to have someone, anyone, in his life. I believe men like the healthy dance of courtship. Going to his house a few days after meeting to cook him dinner is something for further down the road, IMO.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Sigh. There is nothing sexier than mutual desperation.
Island Girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well I've received a lot of great advice here that I'm going to definitely take into consideration. And in the mean time, I'll just take things as they come, and not try too hard, and enjoy what is while keeping my eyes open. Thanks everyone! My hubby and I were hot and heavy from the very beginning. Here we are 8+ years later and able to hold it together in one of the most difficult of circumstances. It happens as it happens Dreamer. Enjoy the time, relax, and just make sure you are always respected and treated well. There's no reason why you couldn't spend every waking moment with this guy and end up happy.
torranceshipman Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I agree with Island girl...I haven't been with my new partner for that long, but every day is romantic and lovely and it just keeps getting better and better - we also moved quick, because it felt right and because we were honest about our feelings....things can start fast, and great, and stay great...
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 My fiance and I wanted to be with each other from date #1. And we didn't play games or hide that fact. It was mutual so there was no need. IMO, the only reason for playing games (like hard-to-get) is if the feelings are not mutual and you wish to trick someone into liking you more.
sunshinegirl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I agree with others who think things are going fast. (IME, the hottest flame has always been the quickest to burn out.) Someone in this thread noted that having given you his key and having been (apparently) so generous and giving to you, he may be expecting something similar in return. Let me just point out that there are some sickos out there who will manipulate women in exactly these ways. Seemingly charming, wonderful, giving, even perfect gentlemen, they rely on the power of reciprocation (and guilt) to get women to open up their homes, wallets, bodies, and lives only to take advantage and/or cause physical or emotional harm. Read "The Gift of Fear". The speed at which he has given you a key to his apartment is an alarm, a flag, to me. I know this is paranoid, but how do you know you will be safe? Please tell someone exactly where you are going and when you expect to get home. It's a worst case scenario, no question, but I do want to put it in your head so that you continue to maintain some distance and do some serious evaluating of this guy. As Star Gazer said, you do not know this guy at this point. You simply don't. Until you do, protect yourself. Last thing - you were wondering how to ask him about past relationships. Just DO it. You've already asked him what he's looking for, so what's the big deal about asking about past relationships? I've been hanging out with this guy over the last few weeks, in a strictly platonic way, and we've already talked about our significant relationships, what happened, how they ended, etc. It's not a difficult conversation! All that being said, have fun!
likestolaugh Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I was very into my gf from the beginning... more into her than she was into me I think, lol. Anyway, there is no way that I'd have offered her the key to my apartment within the first few weeks even. I did eventually, but not near the beginning of the relationship. anyway, congrats dreamer! We all know of the trials and tribulations of your recent dating history... so it's nice to hear of things going better at the moment. Remember... nobody here can tell you the right thing to do if your heart tells you the only truth. So just go with what you feel.
Star Gazer Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Dreamer - the thing is that in early dating, the guy should be courting you, not the other way around. HE should be making efforts to impress you, plan dates he thinks you'd enjoy, etc. You shouldn't be the one at this point who is putting in this energy. What happens, is it gets him into the mentality that he doesn't have to work very hard to "win you". It lets a guy get very lazy, very quickly, as when you allow things to progress like this at an accelerated rate. For a guy who has known you for three days, and who is giving you his house keys, it's like he wants an instant gf, which means it's less about you, and more about needing to have someone, anyone, in his life. I believe men like the healthy dance of courtship. Going to his house a few days after meeting to cook him dinner is something for further down the road, IMO. I agree with others who think things are going fast. (IME, the hottest flame has always been the quickest to burn out.) Someone in this thread noted that having given you his key and having been (apparently) so generous and giving to you, he may be expecting something similar in return. Let me just point out that there are some sickos out there who will manipulate women in exactly these ways. Seemingly charming, wonderful, giving, even perfect gentlemen, they rely on the power of reciprocation (and guilt) to get women to open up their homes, wallets, bodies, and lives only to take advantage and/or cause physical or emotional harm. Read "The Gift of Fear". The speed at which he has given you a key to his apartment is an alarm, a flag, to me. I know this is paranoid, but how do you know you will be safe? Please tell someone exactly where you are going and when you expect to get home. It's a worst case scenario, no question, but I do want to put it in your head so that you continue to maintain some distance and do some serious evaluating of this guy. As Star Gazer said, you do not know this guy at this point. You simply don't. Until you do, protect yourself. Last thing - you were wondering how to ask him about past relationships. Just DO it. You've already asked him what he's looking for, so what's the big deal about asking about past relationships? I've been hanging out with this guy over the last few weeks, in a strictly platonic way, and we've already talked about our significant relationships, what happened, how they ended, etc. It's not a difficult conversation! All that being said, have fun! Great posts!!
jerbear Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Even for just that one day? I wouldn't be keeping the key, nor making copies You sure you didn't have an good impression? I think it is to soon for a key even, especially one day. I don't give keys out to people I know after 1 day or 72 hours. My mom does not even have my apt keys and she is my mom. Even after 3 months I don't give keys, I'll let her stick around in the house. This is after staying over night at her place, my place, hotel rooms, etc... I'll take a leap of faith, maybe you two are happy right now and it will work. It is quite possible after 1 week you two could be getting married. I've had friends get married after 3 days of knowing each other, years later they are still married and have a kid. Do what you two feels right but still be careful and listen to the opinions and advice of others BUT make your own decisions. I still think it is fun that your mom sent an Facebook friend request. If my future GF's mom did that, the potential GF would be one step closer to being a GF and a keeper.
AlektraClementine Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Oh forchrisakes. I went back and re-read (see:skimmed). Maybe he gave her the key with no other motive than for her to let herself in early to start supper? Dreamer- just give it back to him the same evening. Done and done.
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Sigh. There is nothing sexier than mutual desperation. I like your style, Dude.
Author dreamergrl Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Well - I just got an email from him. He's got some suite tickets for the hockey preseason game here in Denver - and he'd like to take me after dinner on Thursday. He also wants to go to the Rockies and Brewers game (I've been wanting to go to this so bad because it's my home state baseball team coming to Denver) with me in a few weeks. I love sporting events.
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Well - I just got an email from him. He's got some suite tickets for the hockey preseason game here in Denver - and he'd like to take me after dinner on Thursday. He also wants to go to the Rockies and Brewers game (I've been wanting to go to this so bad because it's my home state baseball team coming to Denver) with me in a few weeks. I love sporting events. Wow, that certainly screams 'interested' to me! Sounds like he's enjoying this just as much as you are I am a Giants fan though
Author dreamergrl Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Wow, that certainly screams 'interested' to me! Sounds like he's enjoying this just as much as you are I am a Giants fan though Then you saw the Rockies getting wooped last night And It's starting off the same way tonight.
Jilly Bean Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Well - I just got an email from him. He's got some suite tickets for the hockey preseason game here in Denver - and he'd like to take me after dinner on Thursday. He also wants to go to the Rockies and Brewers game (I've been wanting to go to this so bad because it's my home state baseball team coming to Denver) with me in a few weeks. I love sporting events. Then tell him you'll make him dinner some other night. Meet him at the venue, eat hot dogs, drink beer. Keep it simple and light. This needs to have the brakes put down big time, Dreamer. This guy has all the makings of being a major blow torcher, and you don't need any bittnerness!
jerbear Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Well - I just got an email from him. He's got some suite tickets for the hockey preseason game here in Denver - and he'd like to take me after dinner on Thursday. He also wants to go to the Rockies and Brewers game (I've been wanting to go to this so bad because it's my home state baseball team coming to Denver) with me in a few weeks. I love sporting events. Go and have fun! BTW wear YOUR team jersey and colors!
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