wahaha1 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 I just find out traces that my 10-year bf cheated on me. We have been living together for the past 8 years, for the recent 2 years, we lived 300 miles away since I went to school. We saw each other every other 2 weeks. Yesterday I came to visit him and tonight, I found out he was missing from his bed at 4am. I sense something wrong, so I start checking for evidence. I found out instead of spending his labor day weekend in Toronto (that's what he told me), he actually booked the hotel in Rhode Island. On my faxebook, I checked his closest friends (not our common friends), and I accidentally see his photo with another gal on the photo album. I checked his bank statements, he actually started making monthly rental payment to a rental office since last Dec (he is currently living with his parents and owns the property that he is staying now). He just came home now (5am), saw me but said nothing then head to his bed, sleeps sound. I am not sure what's my next step, I am going to go 300 miles away in 2 days. Shall I act like nothing happen? Or shall I question him on these? We have been going together for 10 years and I know I am gonna miss him a ton if I break up with him. I count on him dearly as he handles all my bank accounts and statements. Can somebody shed some lights on what's the best way to handle this situation?
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 You are going to miss him because he handles your bank statements? Honey, hire a bookkeeper. You have clearly been cheated on. Why would he come home at 5:00 a.m., see you, and not say anything to you about where he's been? And why did you not ask him? Of course you need to confront him and end the relationship. He has already checked out.
Athena Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 He clearly dumped you already, mentally. Take care of your own finances and don't let a cheater control your money or your life. SignedIn, Creeks, Liquid, Greenish,Sky123, etc etc Hello Clarify -- you back with a brand-new name?! Wahaha you need to confront him with where he was. Insist you know he is cheating. Then tell him some of the evidence. Be prepared for him to continue lying to you and to make up all sorts of excuses and explanations, but do NOT believe him! Tell him you are ending it and never want to see his sorry a$$ again. He needs to feel severe consequences and you can tell by his behavior that he feels he is entitled to screw another woman behind your back. No matter what he tells you, that is how entitled he feels he is.
Author wahaha1 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Posted September 12, 2009 I waited 6 hours until he woke up, and I confronted him. After 1/2 hour of trial he finally said sorry, admitted his fault and said he has already broken up with the gal last night (?!). He "offered" to get marry with me. I checked his email and the other woman knows my existence, seems that she has been pushing my bf to dump me since this past Aug and my bf has kept postponing the deadline to breakup with me. Now he is in the living room and I am locking myself up in the bedroom. I don't know what to do next. I know I love him a ton and cannot let go. Please help!
hopesndreams Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 You're not the fool, the bf is. Do you know for fact he has broken up with her? Cheaters love to lie, he could have said this to just buy himself more time. As for getting married, he proposed, that is nuts, he has just been found out and this is what he comes up with? Right now you are desperate and devastated and that is going to last for quite the while. It could be weeks, even months. Once your mind clears and your agony has abated, then you will see more clearly and have rational thoughts and know this man is not marriage material.
Author wahaha1 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Posted September 12, 2009 You're not the fool, the bf is. Do you know for fact he has broken up with her? Cheaters love to lie, he could have said this to just buy himself more time. As for getting married, he proposed, that is nuts, he has just been found out and this is what he comes up with? Right now you are desperate and devastated and that is going to last for quite the while. It could be weeks, even months. Once your mind clears and your agony has abated, then you will see more clearly and have rational thoughts and know this man is not marriage material. That's so true. I too, need to buy time to clear my mind and plan the next step. It is so hard to find a person to be a close companion for many years, and I think it is very tiring to find somebody that can walk another 10 years, my initial thought is not to give up so easily. Thanks!
Athena Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 SignedIn, Creeks, Liquid, Greenish,Sky123, etc etc Hello Clarify -- you back with a brand-new name?! Hater! You're back with the same old hate against me?! What?! <hater>?? I was merely GREETING you!!!!! :lmao:Aren't you happy that Someone Here KNOWS you? Despite your camouflage?
Athena Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 It is so hard to find a person to be a close companion for many years, Well, if HE could find someone else so easily, so can you! Whatever you do, do NOT agree to marry him. He is simply offering marriage as a way to placate you, and to get himself off the hook by calming you down. Do not do this. I agree with the above poster, this man, despite how much you love him, is not marriage material. Even though he might spin it to show he loves you more than the OW, the fact is that he is choosing to betray you. Why?
Author wahaha1 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Posted September 12, 2009 Well, if HE could find someone else so easily, so can you! Whatever you do, do NOT agree to marry him. He is simply offering marriage as a way to placate you, and to get himself off the hook by calming you down. Do not do this. I agree with the above poster, this man, despite how much you love him, is not marriage material. Even though he might spin it to show he loves you more than the OW, the fact is that he is choosing to betray you. Why? Yes, it is not that hard to find someone else - for a short term relationship. I did and it happened during our 5th year of relationship. I totally regret about that and he forgave me. The experience taught me to avoid any potential affairs. So this time I could understand his situation and the pain that he went through. True, marriage is not the current agenda, I just need more time to calm down and think clearly. Thanks!
Athena Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Yes, it is not that hard to find someone else - for a short term relationship. I did and it happened during our 5th year of relationship. I totally regret about that and he forgave me. The experience taught me to avoid any potential affairs. Thanks! I see. So, you have done this once before, and now he has. He forgave you before, so I guess you could forgive him now too. So you both have to come to some agreement about not cheating anymore... In any case, at least you got an answer out of him. That's one good thing, he is not trying to deny it.
Athena Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Can somebody shed some lights on what's the best way to handle this situation? Yes, I believe Honesty is the best way to handle this situation -- both yours, and his. You both need a few good long honest discussions about the past, what's happened now, and what you both want for the future. You need to be honest to make sure you are both working for/wanting the same thing.
Recommended Posts