tigressA Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 So, Olive Garden guy (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201539/) : I was taking a break during swing dancing earlier tonight I had a message from him asking me if I would like to go out tonight, if I wasn't too busy. I wrote him back, saying that I was already out and wouldn't be back until midnight, and suggested tomorrow. He wrote, "Sounds fun! Well, have a good time. Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow!" I wrote that I'm free tomorrow evening, to call me and we'll figure something out, have a good night; he wrote back, "Thanks! Talk to you tomorrow. 'Night!" I'm psyched. He's clearly interested, and I'll be seeing him tomorrow. Now I'm just trying to get rid of all this nervous energy so I can get my beauty sleep
Author tigressA Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 So, he never called me today. Not even a text. Nothing, period. I called him at around 9:30 but he didn't answer and I didn't leave a message. I'd love to think something legitimately came up, but at the same time, it seemed like he was really looking forward to seeing me, so if something did come up, would it have been too much to send a message telling me that he couldn't hang out? I don't know...I've already contacted him; the ball is in his court now. I'm annoyed by this.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Hmph. Hope he has a good reason for you, Tigress. Dating world aside, I think this is plain tacky and inconsiderate even if you're NOT dating somebody. Oh, well - onto the next.
Author tigressA Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Yeah, I hope so too. I stayed busy all day, though. I went out to lunch with my best friend; I did homework, played Mad Libs with my housemates, then went over to a friend's apartment until nearly 3 A.M., where I met some other guy and flirted with him. I turned my phone off after midnight. If I had just sat around in my room waiting for him to call (like the former me would've done), tonight would've been miserable. But it wasn't.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Decoding guy language, when they say hopefully I will see you tomorrow, or I hope to see you tomorrow - it means that they are not actually sure if they will for whatever reason. When a guy is very interested, he is keen to lock in plans so for example he would have said "I am free tomorrow at 7pm" or something more specific. I also don't like that he asked you to hang out on the actual day. Still, you can be relaxed about this and see what he does from here. This is a problem when pursuing men or trying to make first moves. While it sounds good in theory, you never now if the guy is really interested or if he is just going along with it.
Author tigressA Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Decoding guy language, when they say hopefully I will see you tomorrow, or I hope to see you tomorrow - it means that they are not actually sure if they will for whatever reason. When a guy is very interested, he is keen to lock in plans so for example he would have said "I am free tomorrow at 7pm" or something more specific. I also don't like that he asked you to hang out on the actual day. Still, you can be relaxed about this and see what he does from here. This is a problem when pursuing men or trying to make first moves. While it sounds good in theory, you never now if the guy is really interested or if he is just going along with it. It's not just that--he said he would talk to me tomorrow--or, yesterday rather--and I didn't hear from him at all. I'm not going to pay any mind to it, just see what happens in the next few days.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Tigress, next time, avoid any misunderstandings about what you're doing. Being out, can also be "out" on a date. Is this the impression you wanted to leave him with?
muse08 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Tigress, next time, avoid any misunderstandings about what you're doing. Being out, can also be "out" on a date. Is this the impression you wanted to leave him with? ...true...men and women sometimes do this. it can appear as if you're trying to play games or you're not really concerned with this new person you've met. but but but...on the flip side. it also sends the message to the person asking you out AT THE LAST MINUTE...that you do have a life and if they want to be a part of it they need to make an effort to make solid plans with you much further in advance.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 ...true...men and women sometimes do this. it can appear as if you're trying to play games or you're not really concerned with this new person you've met. but but but...on the flip side. it also sends the message to the person asking you out AT THE LAST MINUTE...that you do have a life and if they want to be a part of it they need to make an effort to make solid plans with you much further in advance.She was being honest about being out which is a good thing. The misunderstanding is that if she's out on a date, men who don't want to "compete" aka multi-date for a woman's attention, will be put off. The easiest way to avoid misunderstandings is to say, "I'm already out at my dance class, how about tomorrow night?". This lets the guy know she's got a life but that he doesn't need to compete for her attention. Regardless, I think he'll call again, but at his own leisure, not on her timeline. If he keeps insisting on last minute plans, I would just move on, since he's not showing her any consideration.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 It's not just that--he said he would talk to me tomorrow--or, yesterday rather--and I didn't hear from him at all. I'm not going to pay any mind to it, just see what happens in the next few days. Yes but it wasn't his idea to talk to you tomorrow or to go out with you tomorrow, it was yours. You basically said "Call me tomorrow" (if I didn't miss something) and he went yeah OK. What could he say?.. Most men will find it easier to agree and then not call.
Author tigressA Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 She was being honest about being out which is a good thing. The misunderstanding is that if she's out on a date, men who don't want to "compete" aka multi-date for a woman's attention, will be put off. The easiest way to avoid misunderstandings is to say, "I'm already out at my dance class, how about tomorrow night?". This lets the guy know she's got a life but that he doesn't need to compete for her attention. Regardless, I think he'll call again, but at his own leisure, not on her timeline. If he keeps insisting on last minute plans, I would just move on, since he's not showing her any consideration. Huh...I didn't think of it that way. Yeah, I probably should've just said I was out at my dance class, or something else more specific than just "out swing dancing". It could've easily been misconstrued as a date. I didn't mean to play it that way of course; I don't like to do things like that. Like I said, I'll see what happens in the next few days. And both you and Muse are absolutely right--if he keeps making last-minute plans he obviously has no consideration of the fact that I do have a life, and that isn't the kind of person I ever want to go out with.
Author tigressA Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Yes but it wasn't his idea to talk to you tomorrow or to go out with you tomorrow, it was yours. You basically said "Call me tomorrow" (if I didn't miss something) and he went yeah OK. What could he say?.. Most men will find it easier to agree and then not call. Yeah, that's true. This is just a really different situation for me and because of that, I'm not completely sure how to interpret everything. I met this guy not even a week ago and because of the circumstances, I know nearly nothing about him. The other guys I dated, I was in the position to get to know them well enough--get a good idea of their personality, their temperament, their schedule--before going out and not just go in basically blind as a bat.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 The message he left you, did he ask you out via text? If so, that's kind of lame. If it was via VM, perhaps it would have been better to call him back, instead of replying by text.
Author tigressA Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 It was by text. Yeah, lame. But most people at my age think that's perfectly okay...if I wouldn't have checked my phone when I took a break from the dance I probably wouldn't have seen it until I got back home at nearly 1 A.M.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Yes, I've noticed a generational difference in perception about text so I need to back off the "lame" comments about it, especially since I'm not a big fan of texting, particularly right out the gate. Texting can be useful for a quick exchange of information in a relationship, like "plse pick up a bottle of wine for dinner. K, thx, bye."
Author tigressA Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Yes, I've noticed a generational difference in perception about text so I need to back off the "lame" comments about it, especially since I'm not a big fan of texting, particularly right out the gate. Texting can be useful for a quick exchange of information in a relationship, like "plse pick up a bottle of wine for dinner. K, thx, bye." No, I agree with you, even though I'm part of that generation. I'd much prefer someone to call me, especially when wanting to make plans. I try to encourage calling over texting by calling people myself. But I acknowledge the fact that most, if not all, people my age who I know don't necessarily agree with me, so I deal with it. Everyone who's posted here has given me something to work with that I hadn't previously considered.
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