TheSilent1 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Backstory: Both me and this girl both worked at the same place and had for about a year. Well the summer before freshman year of college she started to talk to me more, flirt, get my attention, ask me questions about myself, the whole deal. Well at the time I really wasn't looking for someone so I was nice but downplayed any interest. Well she kept it up once we both got back from school for winter break. I kind of changed my mind over that period of time and finally asked her casually if she wanted to see a movie or something. She wasn't able to but said she would definitely want to do something over spring break. So I asked her again over spring break and being a huge hockey fan as she is I asked her to a hockey game. She said she would love to and we ended up having a great time. We actually saw someone we both knew at the game and he asked her if we were on a date. She said no. I didn't quite know what to think of that at the time but looking back it was probably just being too embarrassed to admit it infront of me. idk. She also wouldn't let me pay for her though I offered. Well we don't see each other until the next summer. Unfortunately we only had time to work together a little in June because I was swamped with classes I was taking over the summer and she had to have surgery for a soccer injury and was on vacation for like a full month. But during the little time I saw her she was still quite interested in talking with me and getting to know me and near the end of summer we both had enough time where we could go out again. So we did. We both got dressed up nice this time. Went to Dinner and a movie and unlike last time, she let me pay for her. It went more like an actual date but she didn't open up very much even though she was enjoying herself. I wasn't about to make a move unless I knew she was comfortable. At the end of the night she wanted a hug but that was about it. Worked with her a couple more times afterwards and she was always happy to see me. Even came in to say hi while I was working right before she left for school. Problem: I sort of mentioned it a couple of times but we both go to schools far away from each other. Around 1000 miles. The idea of a long distance relationship usually turns me off immediately but this girl is someone I've grown to really like. I'm willing to make it work but I don't wanna sit around waiting for her to come back if she isn't 100% feeling the same way I do. I could be searching for someone closer to me who really does feel that way. I have reason to believe she really does like me and she drops hints occasionally but I've never actually heard her flat out say she wants to be in a relationship with me. I've tried talking to her on facebook but nothing but a friendly chat usually occurs, even when I try to go halfway and say stuff like " I enjoy talking to you" or "I enjoy going out with you" or whatever. I really do think she's shy and that's why she won't admit her feelings for me. But admittedly the fear of being in the dreaded friendzone has crept into my mind before. Of course she probably never would have let me pay for her meal or would've just stopped trying to get close to me once I made the effort to become more than friends with her. But still, I overthink things sometimes. I just wanna be on the same page as her. So here's the question: How do I get a shy girl to admit her true feelings for me without making her uncomfortable or being too upfront about it? Keep in mind I'm basically limited to facebook/phone because of distance. Thanks in advance for any help you can give me.
seoa Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 So here's the question: How do I get a shy girl to admit her true feelings for me without making her uncomfortable or being too upfront about it? Keep in mind I'm basically limited to facebook/phone because of distance. You could try admitting your own feelings first...!!! If what you say is true, she doesn't sound particularly shy - she's initiated conversation, flirted, accepted dates (although you obviously haven't told her that you think they are dates, because otherwise she wouldn't be unclear when asked!), initiated physical contact... Why would she say 'flat out' that she wants to be in a relationship with you, when you haven't asked* her...?? edit: and by 'asked', I mean asking her on a date /admitting that you are interested, not getting her to admit that she's interested in a vaccuum, so that you have to take no risks at all...
Author TheSilent1 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Posted September 12, 2009 She's more shy in regards to admitting her own feelings. Atleast as far as I could tell on the second 'date' she wasn't comfortable with anything more than a hug. And when I try to show I like her she doesn't open up to me despite all the other signs that point to her liking me. I do agree that maybe I should admit straight up I like her first. However I'm a pretty shy guy myself. I'm not sure how I can bring it up without it seeming awkward for one or both of us, especially when limited to stuff like Facebook and the phone due to long distance.
Author TheSilent1 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 I would really like to know if she truly does like me in that way sooner rather than later. I don't wanna waste my time chasing after someone if she's not 100% sure she wants to be with me. Maybe I normally wouldn't feel as strong about it but the long distance thing is something I don't wanna deal with unless she really cares for me. I care for her enough that I'd try to work past the long distance thing but not if she's not 100% sure. What puts more pressure on the situation is another girl who DOES go to school near me has her eye on me for the past couple of weeks. She's pretty good looking. This new girl isn't my type and I can't say we have alot in common. But I'm saying that not knowing too much about her yet. I still would consider pursuing that relationship given she lives near me but only if I know for sure that the first girl isn't interested. Don't get me wrong... I think I'm falling in love with the first girl but I don't wanna be hung up on something if she doesn't have feelings for me and end up losing chances with either girl. Finding out how the first girl feels asap would help me greatly. Its just how to go about it without making her uncomfortable is hard to do. I would consider admitting it myself but as I said last post its hard for me to admit it to her. And I can't think of a situation where just admitting it to her would be a good idea. Maybe really awkward and might make her uncomfortable as well. But I'd really like some more advice on how to deal with this. Its really been eating at me and its hard not to think about it. Thanks.
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