ashleigh422 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Please read this.. I need support and affirmation: I was in a relationshp for 4 years. He was HIGHLY abusive, both physically and emotionally.. not to mentioned economically.. I left him almost a year ago and ended up dating.. then taking him back.. What do you know.. depite the advise from the abuse center and on here.. a week or two after promising the changes and the couseling, there I was, right back where I started with the name calling, pushing, hitting, etc. So I have somehow managed to stay with him since December in this situation. I have also managed to "detach" myself from him. I used to argue with him when he called me a whore in front of my kids.. or alone.. I used to disagree with him when he told me I was a crappy mom and worthless.. I stopped disagreeing with him and agreeing with him. I started accepting the fact that I was a whore.. hell, i had cheated on him.. in the begining.. I had cheated with my spouse when I met him... I put my children through hell (lisstening to the abuse for so long.. ive been there.. i know it sucks)therefore, I must be a crappy mom. I decided that arguing didn't get me anywhere. I did this for a few months.. before I realized I was living a lie to keep him from hurtin me or my children.. I am nto a bad mom, nor am I a whore or anything else he said I was. I had totally disengaged myself to him. I look at him and I feel nothing, blank... not love and warmth. I don't even hate him anymore like I used to. I simply feel numb to him. One might even say I am now the mean one.. not abusive, but very cut off and noneffectionate.. I don't want to be hurtn ANYMORE. The other night he yelled.. very loud.. for hours.. about how worthless I am and what a whore I am. I got up at one point, just to be punched in the ear and kicked on my butt. When I finally got up and into the bathroom to clean up, I heard the saddest sound on earth.. I heard my son sobbing... the same way I had once sobbed.. becuase I was scared for her... I made him leave. He is gone since yesturday... The past month or two, he has really nto been that bad.. I have been the biattch.. I can't help but think this is maybe my fault for being disconnected. Should I stick with it and make him leave or try to comitt even though I have given him MANY (over 4 times in the past year I have kicked him out and let him come back by the unfulfilled promises he made) chances. Am I crazy? I feel like I pushed him away... please tell me what you think..
Unistudent Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Man Rule #1 - Never EVER hit a woman (unless they are beating the crap out of you and/or are mentally unstable) Woman Rule #1 - If your man ever hits you... Walk. You do not need that and/or deserve that in your life. Your kids do not need to see their mother beaten and bruised or listen to her being yelled at. I strongly recommend you a.) call the police when he does any of this again, b.) leave and stay with family/friends (if its not your house) or c.) both a.) and b.) NONE of this in your fault. He has no right and never will have and right to hit you or demene you in any way. No human has the right to do that to any other human. For your kids if anything you need to keep this guy away. I have a few friends who had abusive fathers and alot of them have alot of issues now that they have to deal with... and alot of those issues are relationship ones. Im not a psychiatrist or anything but I think that what your kids are seeing is their mom being beaten up and called all sorts of bad names, then you kick him out eventually and then he comes back. The lesson that they are prob getting from this is that its OK to be treated like that... because it just keeps happening again and again. I am not trying to be rude or anything but honestly you need to get out of this relationship. I am only 25 but I think that I am right on this... maybe wait from a few others to hear what they have to say. Dont put up with that from anyone Ash... you dont deserve it.
carhill Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Take your children and go to a trusted friend or family member. If he pursues you, call the police. The essential issue here is that this relationship is unhealthy in the extreme and you and your children are in danger. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time. You know you're not a bad person. The 'biatch' part is purely self-defense. We'll be here to offer whatever support we can but I sincerely suggest bringing in a close friend or family member to assist. You need real life healthy love and concern and support right now. I've been that kind of friend to people and I know it makes a difference. Make a phone call right now.
PinkToes Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Ashleigh, this is absolutely not your fault. The two people who posted above are spot on; they are good men who understand and are supporting your gut instinct to keep this guy out of your life. Love shouldn't hurt. Stay strong. We are here for you. You will be OK.
gavinus Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 You are displaying the symptoms of battered wives syndrome. You blame yourself and feel guilt for things you should not feel guilty for, that is why you keep going back. I know, I am a guy and my female partner abused me, and I did exactly the same thing, blamed myself and felt guilt for another persons cruel actions against me. My advice is look online for "battered wives syndrome and the cycle of violence" you will see your relationship pattern on there. I understand your self esteem has been crushed and your own self worth has been destroyed but the longer you stay away and stay strong the more you will see the truth:that you are the victim and your partner was an abuser!! Stay strong, keep away from him and get therapy, best wishes
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