i think i have finally reached a stage of acceptance.. after hitting rock bottom 1st

[Charmaine_Champagne]

yeh so i think i have finally reached a stage of acceptance.. i've accepted that my ex has completely changed, i'll never know exactly why so i can't keep torturing myself with questions.. but he is a different person now- and not a very nice one. i have had to get to rock bottom and go through even more pain in order to see this but i am finally accepting of it and ready to move on.

 

before i was making excuses for my ex and all the bad things he did, hoping his behavior was just a phase that he would change back but i know i didn't deserve to be treated so badly and i deserve better. that is why i have cut him out and am ready to move on. i've been away from the site for afew weeks and some things have changed since then.

 

regulars will know my story. for those who don't i've been treated pretty badly. was with my ex bf for 6 years- 1st loves since we were 17. back in february he started acting distant, being arrogant, rude and ignoring me. he cruelly ignored me on valentines day- major red flag. when i would question him he wouldn't give me answers but it was obvious he didn't want anything more to do with me.

 

i was in limbo for weeks with anxiety not knowing where i stood. turns out he's fallen in with new friends and going to clubs, meeting skanks off the internet for sex. there is more to the story but you can read that in my older posts. this guy just completely did a 360 on me and changed and i don't know why to this day he did this. i never cheated on him and was always a decent girl. he was so cruel towards me when i didn't deserve it

 

i was strict NC for 5 whole months. in that time he sent the odd attention seeking message and i didn't bite the bait. tho he never said sorry and never said he wanted me back. anyhow back in july he text me telling me he heard i was pregnant.. this was clearly an immature lie to get a rise out of me (i haven't been with anyone since our split) but i fell for it and answered him.

 

part of me knew it was prob just bait to get my attention but at the same time i wanted an excuse to talk to him because i wanted closure. i'd been NC for 5 months but i still never got an explanation as to why he abandoned me. I thought i'd get closure from talking to him, but i didn't.. he just caused me more pain.

 

one drunken night after low contact we ended up having sex (i've written about this in a thread from afew weeks back) i stupidly thought if he saw me looking all glamorous and we slept together he would want me back. i was wrong he simply used and abused me. i couldn't understand how a guy who adored me as a long term girlfriend for 6 years and a first love could just have sex with me and have no feelings. but turns out he could.

 

meanwhile i began to get more and more attached- even initiating contact at times with him which only pissed him off, he didn't want me blowing up his phone, texting all the time like we used to, he just wanted me on his terms, whenever, now and then. this guy- my first love actually said to me at one point "i don't really want a relationship again but i'll meet you to empty my balls now and then"

 

..i cringe to think that i put up with that! i tolerated that hoping he would change back to the guy i knew before, the sweet guy, my first love. but he didn't change and prob never will. he is running around with his new friends picking up any girl who is willing and thinking he is the guy in the big picture.. and i stupidly let him use me too.

 

i hoped he would change. and he kept giving me false hope.. or what i deemed to be hope. he would give me mixed messages one minute telling me he loved me that he still had feelings for me to the next minute telling me 'i don't give a f**k about you' while laughing and another time telling me he and his friend had a 3some with a random girl. this was torture, yet i put up with it and allowed him to use me 2 more times after this in the hope that he would change and that i would be in his head.

 

he would text me on nights when he was at home bored wondering if i was out, offering to pick me up.. this was obv because he didn't want me but at the same time he didn't like the thought of me being out incase some one else snapped me up. but on the nights he was out with his friends i would hear nothing from him. he would text asking me for sex, and through my rose tinted glasses i stupidly thought he wanted me.

 

this guy messed with my head. just last week he texted me saying "i want you back" and "i love you" and when i answered him asking if he would like to meet he responded with "i can't i'm drunk" ..this was torturing, this guy just messed with me for kicks and to keep me hanging on.

 

well last week i was out in a club and i kissed an old friend of my ex boyfriend who also happens to be his neighbour- i'm single, i'm allowed to do that. but i stupidly told my ex to get him back. i know this was wrong and immature, i should have just kept my ex out of it. but i wanted to hurt him after all he did to me so i told him i kissed his friend. this made him mad, he thinks more than just a kiss happened.

 

he called me a wh0re and other horrible nasty things, the abuse i took from him was unreal. i can understand it prob annoyed him but this was a guy who slept with me and then told me he had a girlfriend all along, who slept with me and then told me he had a 3some and didn't give a f**k about me, who one minute said "i still love you" to the next "i hate you" he messed me around so much.

 

he told me that i am a wh0re and that his new gf is so much better than me. that i have to delete his number and that he hates me. his words to me were so harsh tho (i won't say them here) but they were some of the nastiest things anyone has ever said to me- from a guy who used to love and protect me.

 

this was a wake up to me that it is def over and a wake up to what a nasty person he has become. i know i was wrong to tell him i kissed his friend but the abuse i took from him afterwards was unreal. it woke me up to how much he has changed and i am no longer willing to put myself through that again. getting back in touch with my ex only opened up more heartache and dragged me through the mill all over again.

 

i am no NC again, i have deleted him number- i doubt he will try to contact me again either. but i made it to 5months NC before so i have to will power to get through this. it is hard to accept a person who once loved me for sex could use and abuse me but i did allow him to, i was so weak and he knew it.

 

i've accepted it now though because i have finally woke up to how much he has changed and there can never be any going back. i'm interested to see responses, particularly about the incident with his friend and did i deserve the abuse i got in the aftermath of that? but those of you who haven't read my previous threads won't know how bad my ex was to me.

 

however i realize it is immature to have a tit for tat war with him, it would get out of hand so NC is my only option. we can't be friends and we can't get back together so my only option is to cut him out of my life and go NC for good. and i don't think he seems bothered anyway.

[Unistudent]

Who cares how he is feeling right?

Stay in NC with him. Don't try and push his buttons because (as I said in your other post) he must have some issues and I wouldn't want you to get hurt because you say something that sets him off.

 

Your right that your best bet is to just forget him, NC, and move on.

 

When you told him that you kissed his friend he was prob thinking that your still interested (because, at least to me, it would look like you were trying to make him jealous). I wouldnt be surprised if he tries to contact you somehow for a booty call... so watch out for that.

 

Just dont have any contact with him at all and that will show him that you are stronger than him and that you are completely done with him.

 

Just my two and a half cents.

 

Congrats again on your freedom.

Take care and I hope you stay in NC.

[Charmaine_Champagne]

thanks for your words, i def have more willpower this time and intend to stay NC, my story should be a lesson to those thinking of breaking NC. Not every case is the same obviously but if they don't make it 100% clear that they want you back stick to NC. I certainly didn't get any closure from my ex. I stupidly thought he was dropping bait and sending stupid little meaningless texts to get my attention because he wanted me back, i gave him the benefit of the doubt..

 

but he only wanted to toy with me and play games to keep me hanging on while he was bored.. i really didn't think he was capable of that kind of behavior but he has changed. he has no respect for me. i have finally seen him for what he is now, not a very nice person. i will never know why he suddenly turned on me and changed, i can torture myself with theories but fact is it doesn't matter because HE DID so my only option is NC. we will never be back together, we can't be friends, too much dirt has been done, NC is my only option and this time i plan to stick to it. if my story helps anyone else from making my mistake then it is worth posting.

[EricaH329]

Thank you for sharing your story!!

 

I just went through something similar, except he didn't use me for sex (considering we are hundreds of miles apart, that was out of the question), but he treated me a lot like your boyfriend treated you.

 

He was once so nice, caring, loving, all the qualities that make you fall in love with a person. Then he changed. It happened so quickly! I, too, continued to make excuses for him, hoping that it was just a phase.

 

Unfortunatly, i've come to the terrible realization that it's not just a phase. And even though i've realized that, i'm having some trouble accepting it.

 

Your story has given me hope. This most certainly isn't a fair, nor easy thing to go through, I feel your pain!

 

But in the end, we are much better people for having gone through it. We realize our self-worth and gain a lot of self-respect. We deserve MUCH better!!

[EricaH329]

but he only wanted to toy with me and play games to keep me hanging on while he was bored.. i really didn't think he was capable of that kind of behavior but he has changed. he has no respect for me. i have finally seen him for what he is now, not a very nice person. i will never know why he suddenly turned on me and changed, i can torture myself with theories but fact is it doesn't matter because HE DID so my only option is NC. we will never be back together, we can't be friends, too much dirt has been done, NC is my only option and this time i plan to stick to it. if my story helps anyone else from making my mistake then it is worth posting.

 

This seriously touches home. I literally feel the pain with every word I read. I feel like it's my story all over again.