But why?

[ace2666]

Two days ago I was dumped. A 3 year 8 month relationship, gone. The reason: She doesn't love me anymore.

 

I'm handling this the healthy way. Going out with friends, letting things off my chest to those that care about me, getting my first tattoo, and focusing on me.

 

No, I'm not writing this thread to recover, I'm writing to ask why.

 

This is the second time this has happen to me. Dumped because she loves me no more. And reading around the forum, my story is not unique.

So, to prevent this from happening again, and just to satisfy my curiosity, I'm going to ask why.

 

Why after a long relationship that has been great up to that point, end out of nowhere as: "I don't love you anymore." ?

Why doesn't she love me anymore? What is it that makes her come to the conclusion?

[Unistudent]

Thats such a hard question to answer.... I don't think anyone really knows the answer to that question.

 

Here are some cases that I know of;

- the person grows up and wants something different in life.

- the relationship gets too comfortable and they want that fresh relationship feeling.

- They arn't sure if you are 'The One'.

- Could be multiple things that are going on in their life.

 

I really dont know what else... It's probably not best to dwell on the why though... it will only get your mind racing (if it already isn't) and you will constantly thinking about 'What If's' and wondering what you did wrong to make her not love you anymore.

 

There are many more painful situations which I am sure you have though of.... but don't think of those anymore. Go grab some support from some buddies or get some on here. Keep yourself busy. I am assuming you are young so just remember that there are tons of ladies out there... and if it is truely meant to be between your X then it will be. If it isn't then you will meet your true love eventually.

 

Sorry for your loss.

[ashleigh422]

Seriously, there are so many reasons, you should not ask on here. You should ask her. Did you talk about it. Ask her for a more specific reason than she doesn't love you anymore.. there IS something deeper, that is a cop out...

[ace2666]

Thanks. I handling it good by establishing NC and keeping myself busy.

 

She doesn't know why she doesn't love me, she just doesn't.

 

I just want to understand where these relationship go wrong to have a better relationship in the future, with who ever that may be.

 

I guess it's hard to answer that question without some background and its very situational. But I want to know what leads up to the decision, and how to prevent it.

I figured with the huge knowledge base here I could get some clues.

 

...also, is it that obvious that I'm young? (22)

[JaggedRoad]

I don't want you to start speculating, but the answer that she gave you isn't substantial enough. There has to be something that happened or didn't happen for her to no longer love you.

 

You have been together for over 3 years, so there has to be something more than "I just don't love you anymore."

 

It wouldn't surprise me if it happened to be one (or all) of the things that Unistudent mentioned in his post.

[Unistudent]

Hmmm.... It COULD be many things or it could just be one thing. If she didn't give you a reason and if she has been honest with you through the relationship then she may just have fallen out of love... and that does happen.

Did you see a gradual decline in the relationship? (like affection and whatnot) Because that could be her falling out of love... and I don't think at the age of 22 you can really help that.

 

I assume that she is also 22 or around your age. That could also mean that she isn't sure that you are 'the one' which everyone looks for at one point or another...

 

Again these are just a few things that could be going on and again if you trust her when she says that she doesnt know why... then maybe she just doesnt and it just happened right?

 

Most girls give little hints that they are getting tired with you. Less contact. Less kisses. Less calls. Just alot of 'lesses'. In hindsight you might be able to look back and see things falling apart. I know I did.

 

Alot of people on here are young (including me, 25). I think as you get older you start to understand how these things work a little more... I hope atleast

 

Take care Ace... and just remember even though like it may feel like its the end of the world... its not. Theres always a light and new experiences at the end of these dark... seemingly unending... tunnels.

[PinkToes]

I have heard, and it makes sense to me, that love is not a feeling, but a decision. That's especially true after the infatuation wears off. And you have to do things that keep that alive -- both for your partner, and for yourself; which is why someone we love can decide to leave even though we were putting a lot of effort into the relationship. It has to go both ways.

 

If she doesn't have a specific reason for not loving you anymore, there's a pretty good chance that it has nothing to do with you. I know that's little consolation when someone bails on us, but if you're even thinking about what you might need to do differently next time, you're already pretty aware. You just need to find someone who's ready to make it stick.

 

So what's the tattoo?

[Chris21]

I got this exact line (see thread somewhere around here) a little over a month ago, I asked why she said she didn't see the "charm" in the relationship anymore and she thought we wanted different things.

 

She said she still loved me, she said she is still very much sexually attracted to me, she said a lot of confusing things. I think she didn't want to put anymore effort into it, I'm still going through day by day. It's hard but I'm working through it.

 

Try not to think to much into it, they have their reasons but I don't think you'll ever know the "real" reason.

[Beeotch]

I find that most people have no clue what love is....they believe they should ALWAYS be on this high and the butterflies etc, so when they no longer feel that (usually in longer relationships) they say they don't love you anymore and want to find something new. They are addicted to that feeling and expect that it should last forever...and because they are addicted once the relationship hits that plateau that EVERY relationship does that is longer, they freak out and want to go into another relationship....so they can always be in that state of excitement.

 

 

REALITY: love is not about those feelings, True love is what is left when the initial butterflies, novelty etc wears off.

 

REALITY: In order to preserve longer relationships, you have to put in work and come up with creative ways to preserve things and COMMUNICATE. You also have to realistically realize that this partnership will go through its ups and downs and you have to commit to WORK through it.

 

Many people simply do not want to put in the work and have unrealistic expectations therefore they leave a perfectly good relationship to chase the unattainable, which is a relationship that is a breeze where you are in this constant high. Many people find it easier in life to just run away from situations than plow through them...hence high divorce rates and all that. Why work on it when you can just leave, is some people's attitudes. Unfortunately they will do that all their lives as NOTHING is easy and most things take work.