conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I know this is probably contradictory to all said on this board, but sometimes contacting your ex is not exactly a bad thing -- it's like pulling a band-aid...it hurts alot during and stings for awhile but it also helps with closure and with moving on. It's like a one last attempt you give yourself before you move on. For example, with my last bf I battled for 2.5 weeks of debating whether to break NC. I'd stalk him on IM and facebook. And then finally I did call him on Wednesday, and while hearing the reasons for the breakup from his mouth did hurt, it brought me closure and relief. Its been 2 days since that phone call, and I feel so ready to move on. I no longer have the the urges to stalk him on IM and facebook...its like I've finally come to terms with the breakup. It actually feels quite liberating. With my last ex, the same thing happened. I broke NC the first time after a week to ask him for one last attempt to work it out (he broke up with me because I cheated/lied to him). Then I broke NC again after another week to tell him that while the breakup hurts, I accept it because I know what I did. I didn't do it to try to manipulate him though...I in fact did come to terms with the breakup. I then went NC indefinitely for 5 months -- I had urges to contact him at times but they weren't that great because I was able to accept that things ended. My ex did contact me after those 5 months and I ignored it because I've moved on. He contacted me again 2 months after that pouring his heart out, hoping to for a fresh start/reconciliation, and while I still cared about him, I knew it wouldn't work out and I pushed him away gently. I think as long as NC is not over the top to the point where you call your ex incessantly, and you do it in a respectful manner, I think it can help you to come to terms more easily with the breakup. That being said, everyone is different, but that was how it worked for me.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 You're using the word STALK........... Yes but she no longer has that urge I agree thats creepy tho..
BeSteady Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I know this is probably contradictory to all said on this board, but sometimes contacting your ex is not exactly a bad thing -- it's like pulling a band-aid...it hurts alot during and stings for awhile but it also helps with closure and with moving on. It's like a one last attempt you give yourself before you move on. For example, with my last bf I battled for 2.5 weeks of debating whether to break NC. I'd stalk him on IM and facebook. And then finally I did call him on Wednesday, and while hearing the reasons for the breakup from his mouth did hurt, it brought me closure and relief. Its been 2 days since that phone call, and I feel so ready to move on. I no longer have the the urges to stalk him on IM and facebook...its like I've finally come to terms with the breakup. It actually feels quite liberating. With my last ex, the same thing happened. I broke NC the first time after a week to ask him for one last attempt to work it out (he broke up with me because I cheated/lied to him). Then I broke NC again after another week to tell him that while the breakup hurts, I accept it because I know what I did. I didn't do it to try to manipulate him though...I in fact did come to terms with the breakup. I then went NC indefinitely for 5 months -- I had urges to contact him at times but they weren't that great because I was able to accept that things ended. My ex did contact me after those 5 months and I ignored it because I've moved on. He contacted me again 2 months after that pouring his heart out, hoping to for a fresh start/reconciliation, and while I still cared about him, I knew it wouldn't work out and I pushed him away gently. I think as long as NC is not over the top to the point where you call your ex incessantly, and you do it in a respectful manner, I think it can help you to come to terms more easily with the breakup. That being said, everyone is different, but that was how it worked for me. Do you understand why you lied/cheated on him?
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