How to tell a girl to take it slow?

[fatamus]

I have met this girl about a month ago and only in the past week have we started seeing each other. I have no complains about her, she is gorgeous, intelligent, passionate, honest most of all and has a great personality. Last night she told me she is falling for me hard, never met anyone like me, from the moment she saw me couldn’t stop thinking about me, etc… and wants to “take it to the next step”, I have no clue what that step might be so I told her we will discuss it later and left her place because it was getting late and I was really tired. I really like this girl and girls like her don’t stay single for long so I don’t want to say the wrong thing and make her think I am not interested. I am interested but I feel like I barely know her. We hit it off right away and there is a ton of attraction between us but I think this early she is infatuated with the “image” of me rather than the real person. I don’t even know if I want to be in a relationship right now, I kind of like meeting new girls and most of my free time goes towards a sport. On the other hand I tried and so far couldn’t find a single flaw in her, she has so much passion and drive she makes me feel alive and we compliment each other well so I could see us a couple.

 

Anyway how do you tell a girl you want to take it easy and get to know each other first without scaring her off? My guy friends are no help.

[stillafool]

Well, Say "I like you so much and girls like you are hard to come by. I don't want to rush what we have now because I want to savor every moment and stage of our relationship." Then kiss her. Try to change the subject after that.

 

What do you mean infatuated with the "image"? What image?

[Lucky555]

go with what you feel. You obviously like her! "You don't want a relationship" yet you chose to "date" her? Ok....Really I think you need to give it a chance. Jump in it and see what happens. If things are good now why not? You will never ever truly know someone inside and out. Just stop dragging your feet and see how it works.

 

If you don't want a relationship at all break up with her don't waste this gorgeous girls time.

[Jersey Shortie]

Are you hooking up with this girl?

[AlektraClementine]

You should tell her exactly what you told us.

 

Do not string her along out of fear that someone else will scoop her up. That's not very nice and that's how women "get the wrong idea" from you dudes.

 

Tell her how you feel and then give her the option of staying or going.

 

cake eating will ALWAYS get you into trouble;)

[Isolde]

Tell her that she evokes positive energy in you but you want to slow down the pace a bit because you haven't been thinking in terms of a relationship for a while, and now that she's come on the scene, it's been a bit overwhelming, albeit exciting.

 

It's likely that she'll be understanding--it's often the guys that need to be told to slow down. On the other hand, don't friend zone her or keep her guessing your intentions too long. Good luck!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

This reminds me of one of good old moms fav quotes! "either ***** on the pot or get off" if shes such a great catch then go for it if you don't then you will always regret it. Sure she likes you allot but no ones going to hang out waiting for ever while some one mulls it over really would you?

[Javelin]

What do you mean infatuated with the "image"? What image?

 

Yes, what image?!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Yes, what image?!

I think he means the idea of him witch makes sense after all unless your already good friends with a guy you wont really know them personality wise so all you have is the image of them how they look act exct... I fell for my guys image big time Lucky for me he was even better when I really got to know him..

[Javelin]

I think he means the idea of him witch makes sense after all unless your already good friends with a guy you wont really know them personality wise so all you have is the image of them how they look act exct... I fell for my guys image big time Lucky for me he was even better when I really got to know him..

 

Oooh, that image. I get what he's saying now!

[fatamus]

I am not playing some "image" its just that the girls who always seem to fall for me see the image/idea first. The word idea is what i was trying to say. We saw each other a few times before and hung out and she liked doing things for me, that's why i didn't know where all of this is going.

 

Jersey Shortie, no not yet. Thanks for the help guys, i will see where this leads.

[Jersey Shortie]

Sorry for all the questions Fatamus, but I am curious about your situation.

 

What kind of things does she do for you?

 

And what image do you project that you fear is what girls fall for compared to who you really are?

 

 

I agree with the other posters, just be upfront.. you like her..you want to take it slow....this doens't mean you aren't into her. Most women in the beginning of a relationship are usually okay with this.

[fatamus]

I am the same as my image, its just that girls seem to be attracted to that first. Let me explain. You know how people either have instant attraction or are friends for a long time and then start dating. The friends forever and then dating has never happened for me and I don’t really believe in it either. For me it’s always been BAM instant more or less. She was the one who approached me and started complimenting my physique (don’t be fooled by my forum name) and she is in love with my hands and arms.

 

When we first started talking she mentioned how much she loves cooking (huge plus for me) and everytime I have come over she asks what I want to eat, it’s nice but I told her she doesn’t have to do all of that. Little things like that.

[fatamus]

Another thing that kind of spooked me a bit is that when we talked last time she told me all of her relationships have been good but she has never felt what she feels inside when she is with me. She said even thought she doesn’t know me well yet she feels like she can forget about the words in my arms and feels like I am all she has ever wanted I am like her security blanket. This is after a month and maybe 5 or 6 times together. I don’t know men are logical and women are too emotional so I am using my head in this one and I think she is using too many emotions.

[Jersey Shortie]

Are you turned off that she is so physically turned on by you? Do you not think that if she is physically turned on by you she isn't realistically turned on by you in other ways?

 

Just because she thinks your hot doesn't mean she doesn't like you for other reasons. In all honesty, even if you're hot a woman has to like you for other reasons if she wants to spend time with you. We really don't just see a man because he is hot. I really think this is something women have to worry more about then a guy. But I kind of get that you think who you are doesn't match what you look like and you sound somewhat concerned that she won't like you for who you really are? Or that you don't like that she likes how you look "first" before knowing you...I can't really tell.

 

It just sounds like she is moving too fast for you, like you said. I know when I am into a guy, I love cooking for him and doing all those little things. But seriously, all those things shouldn't be given away right away..some build up is always good and surprise. And this isn't meant to sound like game playing but I do think men enjoy "working for it" a little. It kind of sounds like she is making it a little too easy. Especially after your second post, she is absolutely moving too fast. I think guys tend to be slower in "falling in love".

 

But I would like to say that I really hate when guys say they are so logical and women are just plain emotional. I know you don't mean it this way but to say that is to make women sound like simpletons and to put us down for infact, having emotions. Women DO approach relationships different, but that doesn't mean they are "too emotional". Maybe it's more emotion then you can handle, but it doesn't mean in reality that is too many emotions. Who are you to say that? On her side of the fence she could be thinking your too cold or "logical"..And really if I have learned anything, I have learned that men are not logical about love, sex and women. We all respond to those things in the same manner. How we act is a different matter.

[lammie]

 

It just sounds like she is moving too fast for you, like you said. I know when I am into a guy, I love cooking for him and doing all those little things. But seriously, all those things shouldn't be given away right away..some build up is always good and surprise. And this isn't meant to sound like game playing but I do think men enjoy "working for it" a little. It kind of sounds like she is making it a little too easy. Especially after your second post, she is absolutely moving too fast. I think guys tend to be slower in "falling in love".

 

 

How does it work when it's the other way around? On our 3rd date, he's already cooked for me – first time ever a guy slaved over a stove for me, it's always have been the other way around!! I wanted to take things slow but we are moving too fast. We've already slept together. Bugger! So much for taking things slow i guess?

[fatamus]

Jersey Shortie, yes the physical part of it is the main thing but we are into each others personalities also. My last relationship ended in a lot of hurt and tears and no way I ever want to go through that again so maybe I am a bit gun shy. In all honestly I was so in love with my ex GF that the things she did scarred me pretty bad, I never thought she would turn on me like that. I guess I am still afraid that this one is too good to be true. I am going over to her place tonight so we will see where this goes.

[fatamus]

Well I showed up tonight and she had this elaborate meal all made up. She is either perfect or weird. The thing is, I got so used to my ex treating me like complete crap and there was so much lying/cheating on her part, that it’s strange when someone is genuinely nice to you, doesn’t lie and manipulate you. We had a great time and I told her my concerns and that I don’t want to jump into a relationship right away. She said no problem, don’t worry I am not dating anyone else and only want you. Wow, it’s so strange to be with a person who I feel I can trust and is so direct. Thing is too, she is so stunning its unbelievable I asked if she has done modeling and she said she likes reading books more than glamour! We ended up laughing for most of the night. As I was driving back it kind of hit me; I like the caretaker/motherly type woman (my ex was the opposite of that) and she likes the manly man type so we work wonderfully so far. I never had that before, amazing. I don’t know guys I am falling for this girl really fast.

[D-Lish]

Meh, she is coming on too strong and perhaps you would like to be the one who chases??? That is understandable.

 

I would be a bit turned off if someone came on too strong.

 

Just tell her- be upfront.

 

Coming on too strong could be a red flag- says "I'm insecure"... That's not attractive.

[Jersey Shortie]

How does it work when it's the other way around? On our 3rd date, he's already cooked for me – first time ever a guy slaved over a stove for me, it's always have been the other way around!! I wanted to take things slow but we are moving too fast. We've already slept together. Bugger! So much for taking things slow i guess?

 

I dont think cooking on a 3rd date is moving that fast. As for the sleeping together..well that was as much your doing as his lol.

 

 

Fatamus..what do you consider an elaborate meal??

[fatamus]

Shrimp sautéed with some sort of noodle dish and shiitake mushrooms, a salad on the side and French toast. It was perfect! I got some tricks up my sleeve too, so in a week or so I will cook some steak with some fresh chanterelle mushrooms for her and my secret bread. She is into wine, and I am a beer man so I am heading to the book store tonight to brush up on my wine knowledge so I don’t look like an idiot. She says she can’t stand pre-cooked food and makes almost everything from scratch, I like that a lot.

 

We talked for a few hours last night and she said that she was afraid she would scare me off with such aggressive attitude but it’s because she feels like most guys are flakes and I have something that shows her what she wants in a guy. She said she has been in 3 relationships (she is 23) and now she knows why it has never worked out. The first time we met I noticed this gorgeous creature giving me “the look” from across the room at an after party for an event I went too, so I said “hi” and she grabbed my arm right away, pulled me outside on the patio and started laughing. I asked why are you laughing and she said that every guy that night has hit on her except for me and she wanted to see if she could get me away from the party because she had a suspicion we might hit it off or something like that. It was kind of hot. Then she asked if she could parade me around the block before I walked her home. I believe in the whole attraction/love at first sight thing, I have known some girls for a long time and eventually started liking them but its never like that instant hot passion you get when you see someone who you are attracted too.

 

Then I had a rough week getting lied to by my ex again (we broke up a long time ago) so I didn’t do anything else. After that was over a few weeks ago we went out for lunch, and ended up taking a nap mid-day together and when we woke up she said she had all sort of good dreams and never wanted to leave my arms. She is 5”8” about 110lbs and I am 6” 200lbs so she fits me really well and when I cover her with my arms she is all cocooned in. My upper arm is the size of her head so she curls up like a cat and clenches to my hands or fingers like a little baby when she sleeps, it’s so cute.

 

The third time we went out we came back to her place and there was a Rotweiller barking and running around by her apartment front door so there was a whole bunch of people who stood across the street in horror trying to find the owner not knowing what to do. So of course we wanted to go inside, so I told her to wait and crossed the street not knowing if this thing will rush me and eat my face or what, but I came up to him and the dog started licking me and wagging its tail, so I grabbed the collar and tied him up by the fence and we gave the big guy some food until the owner was found. She said things like that is what she finds so attractive. I didn’t do it to impress her, I am just dumb enough to do stuff like like that daily.

[DidiLU]

Have you considered the word LUST?

 

Maybe its been confused. Maybe she's created a romantic relationship with you because she has blinders on. Women sometimes do this. This is not meant to put you or her down. Just a thought.

 

Is she on your facebook? I find having access to another person's life allows the individual to start daydreaming a bit too much.

 

All I can say from a woman's perspective- tell her what you initially told us and tell her now. Otherwise it'll turn bad. You'll feel pressure on some level and start to resent her.

These are my opinions not intended to hurt anyones feelings.

[MSUE]

that's a lil too intense if you ask me...I mean its only been a week...wha's she going to say nxt week? I want to get married and have kids?

 

I would just tell her that you want to enjoy getting to know her better and date some more before anything goes to the next step/level...as somple as that...

[bluewolf17]

If she takes out a measuring tape to get your chest size, pant inseam, and then tells you that you have nice skin...:sick:

 

...bolt..

[fatamus]

its been hard to not rip off each others clothes everytime we see one another and just go at it like animals. i have self control but she is testing the limits for sure.