Unistudent Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Ok... Some of you have prob read my story... alot most likely have not... Summing it up.. dated for 9 years, she cheated at year 4/5, I forgave her, dated for 4/5 more years broke up because I became distant and didn't help her out enough with things... and some more stuff that I didn't do. I am currently living with her still. I have moved back to my university town and we are in the same residence. I just found a place to move into and told the landlord that I would move in some time next week if it was convienient... he is holding a room for me. Some history for me... I consider myself a nice guy. I think alot about others feelings and I can usually feel the emotions that people are going through. My ex is going through a rough time right now. She cant get any student loans because of an asset in her name that is for a relative (so she actually doesn't have this asset in her posession). I just went with her to get a bank loan... and she cant get that either due to over extension on her visa's and because she doesnt make enough at the university to make the loan go through. I don't know what she is going to do and I feel so bad about it. I want to give her a big hug but I dont know if I should. I want to help her out but I have tons of debt at the bank already from student loans but no money on my visa which is good. She got screwed over by the university because they didn't take the student loan money last year and put it towards her tuition... they just deposited it in her account which she thought was extra money so she spent that... I just feel so bad and I dont know what I should do... I think she will get evicted from the place I am in now because 'friend' was supposed to move in but is not anymore and she will be holding all of that rent on her own. Her family isnt rich either and none of them have good enough credit to help her out. What should I do...? Should I offer to stay and help pay the rent and whatnot? I dont want her to think that I am trying to control her or be posessive because I am not... I am ready to move out next week but I will feel horrible if she just gets kicked out for not paying rent or doesnt get to finish her last half year because of not paying tuition. I was going to initiate no contact after I move out.... but I don't want her to fall apart because of this. Ugh... I guess you can see why this is such a big dilemma for me... Thanks for reading
SHO Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Run a worst case scenario through. If you were to get on with whatever it is you have next, emotionally, professionally or otherwise, what is the worst that can happen? Do you envision her saying to herself as she punches in for work ten years from now, "wow, if only that guy had paid my rent. I could be earning 20K more a year."? If you want to rescue somebody, make sure it's you. Others you can support within reason and as wisdom suggests. Write it all down, include calendar, include all pro's and all con's. I am not there, so don't know, but once you do make a decision, do not buy it back. Better to make a flawed decision and learn from mistakes than waffle.
Author Unistudent Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I am at the point after the break up (end of July) where I still have so much feeling for her and love but I also know its not the end of the world for me to get out there and be on my own... She is so down... and doesnt really want to show me how down she is. When we got back from the bank she went in the bathroom and from what I can guess... cried... she then went to her room and has been sleeping since. The worst that can happen from me just leaving and initiating no contact with her is nothing really for me... except wanting to call her and talk to her all the time. The worst for her is that she will have to move back home and try and finish her grad paper there... which will be really hard for her (knowing her family history). Thats just it though... Do I stay and propose to help her out? Or should I just get out and stay out now and say These arn't my problems anymore... I went out and got her flowers to try and cheer her up a bit (honestly they are just friend flowers, no roses or anything)... I'm not going to wake her though... I'll let her rest and then come out when she is ready. If we were still in a relationship we would be pooling our funds... but I guess thats just it... We arn't in one anymore. More comments please... would like to see some different points of view. Thanks for the response Sho
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