aerogurl87 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I don't know what it is, but all my past relationships seem to have an expiration date of 6 months. Everything will be going wonderful and then when that 6th month hits everything will go down hill. Anyone else feel this way?
conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I've had only 2 relationships so hopefully it won't be a pattern. The first one ended after just 3-4 months due to lies/cheating on my part so that one doesn't count. But yes for my second relationship, things started going downhil almost exactly at the 6 month mark then he broke up with me after the 7th month. I suspect part of it is due to infatuation, though not sure about the rest of it. I actually asked this similar question in a previous thread yesterday.
conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Also, how many past relationships have you had? And how long did each last until the breakup? Did you do the dumping yourself?
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I've had so far about 3 relationships that I consider to be real relationships (I'm young, only 19, so I know I have time lol). The first one lasted 13 months but went downhill after 6 months, but I stayed in it till that fell apart completely. Second guy only lasted a month because he was a control freak. Then my last and most recent boyfriend lasted 6 months. He came up with every excuse in the book to end our relationship (first it was the distance, then lack of physical intimacy) but then I figured out the real truth was that he was leaving me for someone else, who coincidentally left him also.
conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 When you mean the relationship went downhill, what do you mean by that? I think from what I read and my experince, once the infatuation wore off, you saw each others true colors and didn't like it. It takes at least 12-18 months to really get to know someone enough to see if they are long term.
bluewolf17 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 One of my male roomates is under the beleif that all life has cycles (true). He uses his long winded mantra to explain why all his relationships end before 4 years. He beleives significant changes develop each four years, and most shallow relationships can't handle that. Also, this roomate is a nut, bless his heart. Actually..I have never broken the 4 yr mark either. Maybe all flax seed oil and protein powder he slams hasn't done too much damage...
kizik Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 OP, the only constant in this equation is you. The S.O.'s are the variables. Mathematically, it's YOUR fault these relationships aren't lasting. Having said that, relationships are exciting for about a year, and then people start to hate each other.
conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 OP, the only constant in this equation is you. The S.O.'s are the variables. Mathematically, it's YOUR fault these relationships aren't lasting. Having said that, relationships are exciting for about a year, and then people start to hate each other. Woah, I don't see how it's the OPs fault. Also, you said so yourself that relationships start going downhill after some time as well. She's only been in 3 real relationships and I wouldn't even count the 1 month one since it's so short (I also did not count my 2 month one because that was a rebound for me). OP, I have to say that the 6 month mark is really a test of long term compatibility. If a relationship can get past that, then it also next has to pass the 12 month mark, which is when people start thinking of marriage. But even after marriage, alot of people's relationship fall apart. Perhaps I sound cynical, but I don't really believe in true love lasting forever anymore. I don't think I truly believe in marriage and the security of love. Too many divorces and heartbreak stories out there
hoping2heal Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I think KZIK is on point actually. If someone continues to have relationship, after relationship that meets a fail point especially of 6 months, there's a high probability it is something that is in OP's control. I.E Maybe she goes after a certain type of man, one who can't/won't comitt or is very immature. Maybe she sees red flags early in all her relationships, but ignores them until things go KABOOM. Maybe she has communication trouble that hinders the ability for all her relationships to grow, and she hasn't done anything about it. I guess my point is, you ever hear about those girls who get treated badly in relationships? It will be like "God, Tony is SUCH a jerk, he always tells her what she can or can't eat and he's cheated on her three times already. He is such an *******, he needs to get his **** together." Newsflash, Tony might be an *******, but it's her FAULT that Tony has cheated on her three times and tells her what she can and can't eat. SHE is actually the one who needs to get her **** together.
conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I think KZIK is on point actually. If someone continues to have relationship, after relationship that meets a fail point especially of 6 months, there's a high probability it is something that is in OP's control. I.E Maybe she goes after a certain type of man, one who can't/won't comitt or is very immature. Maybe she sees red flags early in all her relationships, but ignores them until things go KABOOM. Maybe she has communication trouble that hinders the ability for all her relationships to grow, and she hasn't done anything about it. I guess my point is, you ever hear about those girls who get treated badly in relationships? It will be like "God, Tony is SUCH a jerk, he always tells her what she can or can't eat and he's cheated on her three times already. He is such an *******, he needs to get his **** together." Newsflash, Tony might be an *******, but it's her FAULT that Tony has cheated on her three times and tells her what she can and can't eat. SHE is actually the one who needs to get her **** together. Yea, but the OP has only been in 2 relationships - one lasted 13 months while one lasted 6 months...that doesn't exactly make it a pattern already right?
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 When you mean the relationship went downhill, what do you mean by that? What I meant was this, all of a sudden things go to hell in a hand basket. Now I'm not going to lie, I have a tendency to test guys out before I really start to invest anything into them emotionally or physically because I just don't want to get hurt. Does that ruin things? Maybe. But it has also weeded out alot of bad seeds in the process. I think KZIK is on point actually. If someone continues to have relationship, after relationship that meets a fail point especially of 6 months, there's a high probability it is something that is in OP's control. I.E Maybe she goes after a certain type of man, one who can't/won't comitt or is very immature. Maybe she sees red flags early in all her relationships, but ignores them until things go KABOOM. Maybe she has communication trouble that hinders the ability for all her relationships to grow, and she hasn't done anything about it. Ok the third relationship I saw lots of red flags after the first month of knowing him but ignored them, so yeah I had that coming. But the first one was not my fault in anyway shape or form. When I met him he was a nice, kind, and loving guy and basically he still was like that up until things ended between us. Our relationship went downhill because of the fact that he decided pleasing his friends was more important than pleasing himself and making something of himself. To make a long story short he ended up going to jail for something and that was it for me. Was it my fault? No, I had no control over what he did and since I'm not the control freak type, I didn't want to control what he did. I'm just saying my relationships have seemed to have an expiration date of about 6 months. And also I'm not really a commitment phobe I think, I just refuse to stick around with someone I can clearly see things are going nowhere with. Those two relationships being the unfortunate exceptions because I had invested time and energy into them and when I get something going I try my best to keep things afloat.
sumdude Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I wouldn't put any more thought into it. You're probably going to experience a few more relationships in your life and each one will be different. I've had them last anywhere from a weekend to seven years. The latest was about 5 months. There are some milestones I guess, after a week you know a little, after a month a bit more, six months you start to get a decent picture of someone's moods and actions. Then there's the two year mark and of course the seven year itch. But really none of it is in stone and things go the way they go.
Sam Spade Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Overall, I wouldn't even classify something shorter than 1 year as a relationship. You've dated a few months, didn't work out; no big deal and I wouldn't call it a relationship yet.
stefspets Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 OP, the only constant in this equation is you. The S.O.'s are the variables. Mathematically, it's YOUR fault these relationships aren't lasting. Having said that, relationships are exciting for about a year, and then people start to hate each other. I couldn't finish reading the thread after I read this. I almost spit out my water laughing.
Hkizzle Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 It's the pair bonding hormones. They blind you to the fact that you're dating someone not suitable for you, and it's blinding the other person as well. When the hormones have a lot of control on your brain you ignore the bad things the other person does. Once the hormones have less effect on you, the bad things the other person does become increasingly annoying.
AlektraClementine Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Once the hormones have less effect on you, the bad things the other person does become increasingly annoying. Very true. Then the unpleasant situation of decision making is at your feet. We'd all like to justify and make exceptions which is what most loveshack threads are the direct result of.
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I wouldn't put any more thought into it. Yeah I'm not lol, I was just making an observation
Phateless Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Woah, I don't see how it's the OPs fault. DUDE... think about it. What do all three of those guys have in common? Her. The important question to ask is "What am *I* doing to kill relationships after 6 months?"
Phateless Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Now I'm not going to lie, I have a tendency to test guys out before I really start to invest anything into them emotionally or physically because I just don't want to get hurt. Does that ruin things? Maybe. But it has also weeded out alot of bad seeds in the process. Testing is the WORST thing you could do. That is the quickest and easiest way to create drama and problems out of thin air. It DOES ruin things. If a girl started "testing" me and playing games I would dump her immediately. With all due respect, GROW UP! I understand that you're afraid of getting hurt but you need to find a constructive way to handle this. It's just fear, and you're letting it get the better of you and cause you to act irrationally. Tell us the feelings going on inside of you at the moment where you decide to start "testing" guys.
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Posted September 12, 2009 Testing is the WORST thing you could do. Let me explain what this "testing" consists of. It consists of me feeling a guy out to see if he's really in it for me or for the potential sex. It's not mind games since I'm upfront about everything. It's more like waiting to see if the actions match the words that come out of their mouths. Is that a bad thing? Nope, I don't think it is. Perhaps I used the wrong word to describe it. And the only thing I could think of that I did to kill those relationships was putting too much effort into them. Hmm, maybe that's it, maybe I care too much, I dunno.
looking4 green grass Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Overall, I wouldn't even classify something shorter than 1 year as a relationship. You've dated a few months, didn't work out; no big deal and I wouldn't call it a relationship yet. yeah....I don't count anything less than a year.
westernxer Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 (I'm young, only 19, so I know I have time lol). You haven't seen nothing yet. LOL
Phateless Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Let me explain what this "testing" consists of. It consists of me feeling a guy out to see if he's really in it for me or for the potential sex. It's not mind games since I'm upfront about everything. It's more like waiting to see if the actions match the words that come out of their mouths. Is that a bad thing? Nope, I don't think it is. Perhaps I used the wrong word to describe it. And the only thing I could think of that I did to kill those relationships was putting too much effort into them. Hmm, maybe that's it, maybe I care too much, I dunno. I see what you're saying. Maybe you're smothering him, ignoring your own life, and being too needy? Guys hate that. Make a point of hanging out with your friends without him at least once a week. And keep in touch with them more closely. You shouldn't be calling him 5 times a day. It drives me nuts when my girl does that.
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 I see what you're saying. Maybe you're smothering him, ignoring your own life, and being too needy? Guys hate that. Make a point of hanging out with your friends without him at least once a week. And keep in touch with them more closely. You shouldn't be calling him 5 times a day. It drives me nuts when my girl does that. Hmm, well the guy I'm dating now seems to call or text me pretty much anytime he has some free time on his hands (and I do the same thing), which works well for me. I've been called "needy" before, and I'll admit that sometimes I can be. But I'll try not to smother this guy since I do want him to stick around. Thanks
Trialbyfire Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I've had so far about 3 relationships that I consider to be real relationships (I'm young, only 19, so I know I have time lol). The first one lasted 13 months but went downhill after 6 months, but I stayed in it till that fell apart completely. Second guy only lasted a month because he was a control freak. Then my last and most recent boyfriend lasted 6 months. He came up with every excuse in the book to end our relationship (first it was the distance, then lack of physical intimacy) but then I figured out the real truth was that he was leaving me for someone else, who coincidentally left him also.I'm not seeing any pattern, especially since you're 19. It takes time to figure out what constitutes a red flag in men and also to understand self and what drives us, as women. Don't put more energy into being concerned about patterns. Just date whomever you want, relax and enjoy it!
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