jdram Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 So my previous post showed her to be a liar and most likely a cheater... Nobody mentioned second chances. I don't know how i could go on with this I just want to hear peoples thoughts on second chances. I understand the grim side of things. Part of me thinks that I just scared of being alone. She is my best friend of 9 years and is my world. Previous question Last week while out at a bar with friends I was introduced to one of my girlfriends coworkers. By the end of the night I was really feeling strange about the vibes they put out to each other, but i shrugged it off as I had a few drinks in me. Skip to this week...last night she went to a bar with friends and i stayed home. I couldn't help but think about this situation and i thought I was crazy for thinking about it. After a few hours had passed (about the time she would normally come home on a weeknight) I decided to drive the the apartments which he lived at. (When i met this other guy last week we discussed how he lived in the same complex as we had before.) I had a general idea of where his building was. I circled the complex once and felt like an idiot...she was not there. As i pulled out of the gate I saw her car pull in and she was alone and on the phone. It was dark and she didn't see me. I doubled back but was not tailing her. I pulled over in a secluded spot and called her...three times no answer. At this point i don't know where in the complex she was so i started to circle the lot, but then my phone rang so i answered and we talked... through the conversation this is the end product..."She is still at the bar and is going to hang with her friends until they are ready to leave but she doesn't know what time that would be" I tell her i love her and then say goodbye. Turning the corner her car is headed towards my direction. I pass and just after we cross she pulls into a spot (this is two seconds after she lied on the phone to me). immediatly i park the car and approach her she acts supprised as you would imagine. Q: I say what are you doing A:"going home" Q:Why are you at this apartment A: "I was visiting a friend" (who says i am visiting someone?) Long story short she says we have to leave but we continue to argue and she won't say who. I never let her know of who i suspect and she finally admits later that night at the house that it was the coworker. What is killing me inside is how she won't admit she was cheating. She says that she was only going to hang out with him, she had never been there before, she was not on the phone when she pulled into the complex, & he had no idea she was stopping by. This morning she admitted she text him to ask if she could stop by. However she had said he didn't know she was coming and her phone history was conveniently deleted. I understand if i sound controlling but i never accused her of these things i just followed my gut feelings and God did I want to be wrong. So now i am waiting to look at cell phone records as our phone plan is under her name. I just want her to admit she is cheating. she denies it and says that she is afraid to tell me that she was going to hang out with a guy without me around. This relationship is going on 5+ years and we have talked kids marriage and buying a home. Please any advice i am broken
Ray of Sunshine Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I am so sorry to read this. I wish I could offer advise...but I am not one who can brag about their love life. I do think you should go with your gut and if you can't get solid answers...then ask yourself, can you live with these doubts? 5 years is a long time...and the two of you should be able to discuss this rationally....if she has no fault to what is going on. My prayers and Sunshine always...
boldjack Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Dude, This woman is cheating, lying and Gaslighting you totally. She doesn't love you and doesn't respect you . You need to man-up and kick her to the curb. Go NC on her right now. If she lives with you or you live with her , move out. If you give her another chance, she will respect you even less.
NopeNah Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Dude, This woman is cheating, lying and Gaslighting you totally. She doesn't love you and doesn't respect you . You need to man-up and kick her to the curb. Go NC on her right now. If she lives with you or you live with her , move out. If you give her another chance, she will respect you even less. This! She's already looking for her next guy and is starting to check out of your relationship. End it now or she will be the one ending it. Not that it matters who does the breaking up really but, don't let her walk over your pride.
BW007 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I hate to break this to you. As a person who has been through this level of cheating, it is best, for you, that you start facing that she is a liar and cheater and she has zero respect for you and is only interested in being a skeezer. She already has your (correct) instincts and suspicions so wound up that you are STALKING her to find out the truth. Look what she has turned you into already. The situation that you were already in has turned fatal many, many times in the past. You are lucky and she is lucky you are not a violent person. I am very familiar with all of these dynamics and feelings. I busted my ex cheating too and it was also after 5 years. It was horrible. I still would do anything for all that crap not to be true, but save yourself the pain...it is over and broken and until she comes clean, goes to a MC with you and begs your forgiveness...forget it. Break it clean and walk away, she sucks.
Phateless Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Good instincts! Dump her ass. This whole situation doesn't smell right. One other thing occurs to me. He lives in the same complex that you two used to live at... Could be a coincidence but I'm guessing she's known him since you both lived there.
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