shadowplay Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Have you ever sat down and really analyzed which guys tear women's looks apart? It's usually the guys who aren't getting any. Consider it a form of pre-emptive rejection, in that they're highly critical, since most are pretty geeky themselves. I find that it's just as (if not more) true with athletic, obnoxious alpha male types.
loveslife Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Yeah, I do. But something always happens that prevents me from developing self worth Something happens to prevent you?
Author MissJoness Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Something happens to prevent you? Yeah, like I may face rejection from a certain group of people, and then I go back to feeling low about myself again.
loveslife Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Yeah, like I may face rejection from a certain group of people, and then I go back to feeling low about myself again. I understand how hurtful that can be. Maybe it will help to know that everyone gets rejected. Nobody goes through their lives without being hurt by others. It's just life. But it doesn't have to define you. Ya know?
sally4sara Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I'm not sure if joining a study group will change things. I'll probably still feel the same way. I avoid people sometimes. In a room, sometimes I sit in the back away from people. That way I don't have to deal with rejection. It's better that way for me. Yeah, I do. But something always happens that prevents me from developing self worth Many young people are still unsure of themselves to varying degrees. That being said, why would THEY risk rejection from someone who is giving off "stay away" vibes so strongly as you just described? And with a negative outlook; so sure you will be rejected, so sure none of the advise given to you will work - do you really want things to change or do you really want life to prove your opinion true? It makes me think of this time on the subway. I was sitting there in messy jeans and my BF's patchy punk rock hoodie reading a book. This stunning young black girl walks on and stands there in high heels rather than taking one of the many seats available. Her hair and make up was flawless, her clothes perfectly chosen for her hourglass frame and the heels further defining her beautiful long legs; I couldn't help but look at her. And she saw me looking too. Rather than being smug to be looking so much better than I or smile to be perceived as friendly, she starts tugging at the back of her skirt, futzing at her hair while obsessively looking in the reflection of the windows, smoothing her blouse. I was saddened. It was obvious, she had no belief that she would be found appealing. Whatever approval she gave herself in the mirror that morning after putting herself together for the day was instantly squashed the moment someone (me) looked at her standing there. She also obviously, started the day wanting to be approved of by someone as she chose to stand in the middle of the car showing off her outfitted, coiffed form, but completely lacked the true confidence anyone needs to pull off the look she had donned. Before she got off the train she very meekly said: "I love your hair." I almost started to cry for her it was so heartbreaking. This girl who looked like a young Iman probably couldn't have picked herself out in a line up she had such a negative view of herself! So OP, if you doubt for even one second your attitude is your problem, chew on that!
Author MissJoness Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Many young people are still unsure of themselves to varying degrees. That being said, why would THEY risk rejection from someone who is giving off "stay away" vibes so strongly as you just described? And with a negative outlook; so sure you will be rejected, so sure none of the advise given to you will work - do you really want things to change or do you really want life to prove your opinion true? Because when I do try to socialize with certain groups, I don't feel totally accepted. I never tell the funniest jokes, or tell the most interesting stories, I don't feel like people are responsive enough to me. I don't feel like I am needed at all
loveslife Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Many young people are still unsure of themselves to varying degrees. That being said, why would THEY risk rejection from someone who is giving off "stay away" vibes so strongly as you just described? And with a negative outlook; so sure you will be rejected, so sure none of the advise given to you will work - do you really want things to change or do you really want life to prove your opinion true? It makes me think of this time on the subway. I was sitting there in messy jeans and my BF's patchy punk rock hoodie reading a book. This stunning young black girl walks on and stands there in high heels rather than taking one of the many seats available. Her hair and make up was flawless, her clothes perfectly chosen for her hourglass frame and the heels further defining her beautiful long legs; I couldn't help but look at her. And she saw me looking too. Rather than being smug to be looking so much better than I or smile to be perceived as friendly, she starts tugging at the back of her skirt, futzing at her hair while obsessively looking in the reflection of the windows, smoothing her blouse. I was saddened. It was obvious, she had no belief that she would be found appealing. Whatever approval she gave herself in the mirror that morning after putting herself together for the day was instantly squashed the moment someone (me) looked at her standing there. She also obviously, started the day wanting to be approved of by someone as she chose to stand in the middle of the car showing off her outfitted, coiffed form, but completely lacked the true confidence anyone needs to pull off the look she had donned. Before she got off the train she very meekly said: "I love your hair." I almost started to cry for her it was so heartbreaking. This girl who looked like a young Iman probably couldn't have picked herself out in a line up she had such a negative view of herself! So OP, if you doubt for even one second your attitude is your problem, chew on that! MissJoness, you're not going to find a better illustration or better advice than that! Ultimately, nobody else can fix this for you. It has to come from within. But I assure you that you have the power to make things better.
Trialbyfire Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 So how do I deal with this? Avoid them? Because it seems incredibly hard to socialize with guys on a platonic level. They are only responsive to you if they think you are attractive enough to their standards.The more shy you are, the less likely people will approach you, regardless of attractiveness level. I think you should work on your social confidence level with people in general by talking to anyone and everyone, until you feel comfortable in any social situation. Not that you are but desperation comes across very clearly to the opposite gender. I find that it's just as (if not more) true with athletic, obnoxious alpha male types.There are primarily two types of jocks. The ones who are dumber than a bag of hammers, which is probably the type you're talking about and then, there are the ones who have a brain. I disagree with you about the latter and have been traumatized by having one date, with the former! The former turned into a stalker where I ended up having my friends hide me/play lookout, to the extent of hiding in a locker, just to avoid his date requests!
Thaddeus Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I'm 50, single by choice. And I can say from my personal experience that, while an attractive (to me) package is necessary, there are things that I simply will not tolerate anymore no matter how hot she is. Drama, indecisiveness, bad spending habits, erratic emotions and whatnot are all deal-breakers. I may have put up with some of that sort of thing when I was younger (in fact, I did!) but now I just refuse to. Life's too short to be walking on eggshells or dealing with irrationality.
2sure Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 , there are things that I simply will not tolerate anymore no matter how hot she is. Drama, indecisiveness, bad spending habits, erratic emotions and whatnot are all deal-breakers. Wellllll, what if she is controlling these things through medication?? Kidding, have a nice a weekend everyone.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Guys my age (what you consider 'older') are more picky now than they were in their early to mid twenties - at least the ones I know are. Back in their younger days, they'd bang anything that moved and said 'yes' to them. Guys my age are looking for women they actually want to be with - and yes, they are more likely to look for women they consider attractive rather than just ones who will say 'yes' to sex.
CaliGuy Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Do you find this to be true? I find younger guys in my age group to be fickle and shallow. Maybe I'm not pretty enough to their standards. I thought about getting plastic surgery (nose job) amongst other things. Then I thought maybe I should just go after older men (save money) because they aren't as picky. I'm more picky now than I was when I was in my 20s, mainly coz I won't put up with behaviors and attitudes like I used to. Plus, I am not as apt to put up with dating someone who doesn't have her career/life in order. She doesn't have to be a knockout (that helps) but she dang sure can not be a loser. Cheers.
Thornton Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Mid 30s. But defintely 40 and up Sorry to burst your bubble, but older guys in their 30s and 40s are even more picky; if they have their lives and careers in order and are doing reasonably well financially plus not ageing too badly then they can pretty much take their pick of young, attractive, professional women. In addition they're picky because they're older and don't have time to waste in the wrong relationship. In general they aren't desperate at all unless they're rather loser-ish, and if you want a loser you could find a younger one.
Tayla Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 On a sidenote- Most folks that do admit they are picky remain so thru out life. They just change WHAT they are picky about. Nothing wrong with having values/virtues. Three things guy have shown thru time. Looks are important. Nagging isnt. And sometimes Inflatable items are less costly (and fun!)then a dinner out with a chick ( okay I made up that last part) It needs to be said- None of us gained our confidence by ourselves- it came from social Acceptance and the edge .Whatever that edge maybe. I can say that once you get the genuine confidence and self esteem, it doesn't go away. Its a matter of balance and humility. If a person keeps trying to *Find* excuses for Why they cant achieve something they also need to ask themself- WHY NOT?? Why Not achieve or attempt? Age doesnt make a person stop growing, its when we ask WHY and stop saying WHY NOT Emulate the person you admire. We each copy skills or tactics we have seen that do work. each age group does have something to offer, its all on whether you are buying it.
westernxer Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 I don't think I'm picky, but I'm definitely more cautious. LOL
fkn Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 im not really pickier,just as i grew up i look for more things
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 im not really pickier,just as i grew up i look for more thingsErrr...that is what pickier means.
Sam Spade Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 What age group men are 'pickier' in is pretty much irrelevant, because women are orders of magnitude pickier. Relatively more men marry ''down', while most women *try* to marry "up", so there you have it . Having witnessed this multiple times, I'm picky in a sense of trying to find a non-picky woman (i.e. one having the rare ability to honestly appraise her assets, rather than walk around with an entitlement attitude); provides some marginal assurance that she might even appreciate me, rather than wonder if maybe she could have done a bit better than me (which is pretty good, thank you very much ).
caramel c Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Who cares who's picky and who's not? Find someone you like who likes you & enjoy.
Myst Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Gosh stop being so down on yourself and use the energy on writing these threads on finding a boyfriend. All your threads Miss Jones are based on complaining and stating the obvious:rolleyes:
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