jdram Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Last week while out at a bar with friends I was introduced to one of my girlfriends coworkers. By the end of the night I was really feeling strange about the vibes they put out to each other, but i shrugged it off as I had a few drinks in me. Skip to this week...last night she went to a bar with friends and i stayed home. I couldn't help but think about this situation and i thought I was crazy for thinking about it. After a few hours had passed (about the time she would normally come home on a weeknight) I decided to drive the the apartments which he lived at. (When i met this other guy last week we discussed how he lived in the same complex as we had before.) I had a general idea of where his building was. I circled the complex once and felt like an idiot...she was not there. As i pulled out of the gate I saw her car pull in and she was alone and on the phone. It was dark and she didn't see me. I doubled back but was not tailing her. I pulled over in a secluded spot and called her...three times no answer. At this point i don't know where in the complex she was so i started to circle the lot, but then my phone rang so i answered and we talked... through the conversation this is the end product..."She is still at the bar and is going to hang with her friends until they are ready to leave but she doesn't know what time that would be" I tell her i love her and then say goodbye. Turning the corner her car is headed towards my direction. I pass and just after we cross she pulls into a spot (this is two seconds after she lied on the phone to me). immediatly i park the car and approach her she acts supprised as you would imagine. Q: I say what are you doing A:"going home" Q:Why are you at this apartment A: "I was visiting a friend" (who says i am visiting someone?) Long story short she says we have to leave but we continue to argue and she won't say who. I never let her know of who i suspect and she finally admits later that night at the house that it was the coworker. What is killing me inside is how she won't admit she was cheating. She says that she was only going to hang out with him, she had never been there before, she was not on the phone when she pulled into the complex, & he had no idea she was stopping by. This morning she admitted she text him to ask if she could stop by. However she had said he didn't know she was coming and her phone history was conveniently deleted. I understand if i sound controlling but i never accused her of these things i just followed my gut feelings and God did I want to be wrong. So now i am waiting to look at cell phone records as our phone plan is under her name. I just want her to admit she is cheating. she denies it and says that she is afraid to tell me that she was going to hang out with a guy without me around. This relationship is going on 5+ years and we have talked kids marriage and buying a home. Please any advice i am broken
reservoirdog1 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 This does not look good at all. If it was all innocent, she wouldn't have lied to you. And when you first ask her which "friend" she was going to visit, she refused to tell you? Something is definitely rotten in Denmark. And I think you know what. To me, it's bloody obvious what's going on. Don't get further involved with her than you already are. And give serious consideration about whether you should even continue the relationship. Sorry to sound dire or reactionary, but there are red flags all over the place.
Author jdram Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I know this is so obvious...Regardless if they have hooked up i don't think i should go on like this. Thank you for your honesty...I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone i know about this right now so these forums are a good indicator.
Trojan John Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Don't be embarrassed, be angry. Don't take any of her justifications or excuses. You don't need any more evidence, you've got her dead to rights. What a terrible situation, but at least you found it early.
MSUE Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmm...coming from a girl...and I have cheated in almost all my R's but my current one...this is very very shady...my gut feeling...she was up to no good...otherwise there wouldn't have been a need to lie about anything...I'm still at the bar? won't say the person's name...most importantly deleted all history...not looking good at all...ifshe had nothing to hide she would have done the complete opposite...she would have told you she was stoping at a coworkers home on the way back and would have used her cell history to prove you wrong...hhhhmmm...might be time to move on...because now you are going to have some serious trust issues....so 2 things to do...either move on...or work on the situation by rebuilding the trust and demanding to know the truth...she can still get those phone records you know...if she is not willing...well lets just say...where there's smoke there is fire
MichiganMan222 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I have to agree with all of this. I feel so bad for you. I know what you mean about the vibes. Very telling when two people are together. I'm curious why you weren't at this event. I know there's no reason (at the time) why you should've been, but I'm wondering if there is another red flag. Did she talk you into staying home insisting it was a quick and boring event that she didn't even want to go to? Did she sway you in any way to stay home? If it was completely your decision, then it's a moot point, but if she had anything to do with it, its most definitely a huge red-flag (on top of her trolling another guy's apt. complex). Don't think you're controlling. When things aren't right, there's nothing wrong with seeking confirmation. Good luck to you and I hope you find someone that deserves you. Please keep us posted.
Author jdram Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I was tired and have been under the weather. This was my "reasoning for calling" her to ask her to pick up some zicam. She said she wasn't sure if the store would be open that late. As far as her approach to the night out...She was heading out the door as i was commuting from work. I was invited but she was pretty certain i wouldn't be going before she even asked. She won't say it but her eyes say everything. The ****ty part is i moved down here and have no desire to stay now. 3 states from home i don't know what to do. I don't want to sign a lease. I will pretty much be looking for a job back home and moving on.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 yup, shes cheating, or about to. she lied about still being at the bar when obviously you caught her at the guy's apartment complex. dump her. she is too much of an immature barfly to be trusted.
Bryanp Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I am sorry my friend but it is so obvious. You totally busted her. You have a girlfriend that has no problem lying to you and going behind your back to hang out with another man. You are so lucky you did not marry her. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would buy such a story as she gave you? It is time to move on since it is clear she has no problem lying to you so then what is the point? You now know what she is capable of doing behind your back. Good luck and I hope you can find someone else who can respect you and your relationship because she clearly does not. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Author jdram Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Aside from anger i mainly felt numb after it all went down. It was a strange feeling when i thought i should cry or something. That came later of course. But the strangest feeling was feeling nothing at all
MSUE Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I was tired and have been under the weather. This was my "reasoning for calling" her to ask her to pick up some zicam. She said she wasn't sure if the store would be open that late. well this is even better...she knew you weren't feeling well an instead of staying home with you to care for you she completely took advantage of the situation as she knew the chances of you joining her were very very slim...yikes listen if I was her I wouldn't have gone to the bars and although I'm not sure where you live but almost every town has at least one 24 hr place or even a grocery store that's 24/7 or closes as midnight...and if not try the next town closer...and I would have been making chix noodle soup...but that's just how I am
phineas Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I've been there with my wife. Caught her lieing. The only time she admited the truth is when I told her I knew she was lieing & how I knew. Then her story changed. Rinse, repeat. Just walk away. Be happy you didn't marry her.
mark982 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 if you forgive her,she'll lose all respect for you and do it again. been there,had it done to me.
fatamus Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Man, my ex story is 99% the same. Hooked up with some guy at work and lied 100% for months and still lies about the whole thing. Just walk away, these are bad people my friend its NOT worth it. End it now don't be an idiot like me and consider "fixing her". No morals or values there at all, find someone who cares for you.
Trialbyfire Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Regardless if she's already cheated or not, she sounds shady but that's solely from your perspective, since that's the only information you've provided. If you don't trust her or your gut is telling you something, where there's smoke, there's usually fire. Trust your gut.
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