jany Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I am confused and angry at myself. Things ended between the OM (also my colleague) at the end of last year and we have been good until 3 weeks ago. How is it possible that we can resume things so easily? We literally picked up where we left off. Is it because we never did have intercourse?
Adri Ana Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Intercourse would not help . There would be more soulful things that would help . Think , you know more . You say so least .
reservoirdog1 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I hope your husband finds out what's going on. He deserves to know who he's sharing his life with.
Owl Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 This is a prime example of why NC has to be complete and total. We get so many people that come here convinced that they can do this "their way"...and refuse to acknowledge the sheer addictiveness of an affair. The idea of "just being colleagues" or "just being friends" after an affair is impossible at best...and ludicrous at worst. So now you're back in the affair...what are you going to do about it? Are you going to "woman up", make the changes you needed to originally (full NC with OM, and tell your H about the affair), or are you just going to resume the affair and go back to the way things were before?
seibert253 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 OK here comes the 2X4, get ready. For G#d's sake, chose already. Your husband or your other man. Make a choice, then make a commitment and STICK TO IT. First, your affair is disrespectful to your husband. Was before, and still is now. Second, your disrespecting yourself. You know this is wrong, you're not here looking for validation. Look, I think it comes down to this. You will continue down this road of self destruction until you make a choice. I guarentee you this, if you don't come clean, and your husband finds out about you "falling off the wagon", you will not have to worry about making a choice. He will make it for you and you'll probably be looking for someplace to live. If you want to be with the OM, tell your husband, move out, and D him. He deserves a W who will give him 100% of her love and attention. Right now you are not that person. I'm not saying this to be a smartazz, I'm just telling you like it is. You want to end this with the OM, it's easy, and please spare us the "it's not that simple, yada yada". It IS simple. I didn't say it will require sacrifices because it will. But it is simple. 1. Quit your job. There, no more contact with OM, end of temptation. As long as the OM is around, you will never get over him. 2. Give the OM a NC letter. Short and sweet; I'm sorry, it's over, never contact me again. 2. Tell your husband what happened. If you're remorseful, recommit 100% to your M, and show him the steps, (see above), you've taken, I doubt he will toss you out. Again, I say this isn't rocket science. Get rid of the wishy-washy back and forthism. Stand tall, make a choice, and stick with it. BUT; CHOOSE WISELY. Good Luck to you.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I am confused and angry at myself. Things ended between the OM (also my colleague) at the end of last year and we have been good until 3 weeks ago. How is it possible that we can resume things so easily? We literally picked up where we left off. Is it because we never did have intercourse? why are you married?
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I am confused and angry at myself. Things ended between the OM (also my colleague) at the end of last year and we have been good until 3 weeks ago. How is it possible that we can resume things so easily? We literally picked up where we left off. Is it because we never did have intercourse? Simple. It's because the issues that led you to this are still unresolved. Basically... fix your marriage and this issue will go away. Maybe you should put some thought into what you really want.
Devil Inside Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 The reasons you initially got into the A for are still there. It is unclear from your original post what you want to do. Do you want this to end? Did you just want to confess? Are you not sure what you want? One thing is for sure...this was not a good way to resolve whatever new issues came up after the A ended the first time. Good luck..you're going to need it.
Holding-On Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Jany, lust/love has a profound chemical influence on the brain. So in a way, it is a drug. Think of drug addicts, often so surprised when just a taste turns in a full blown binge and they are self-recriminating too. Although many posters on here get great jollies bashing you when you are down, it does not help to bash yourself, it will not make it easier to end it again. Think of it like a person quitting cigarettes. "I did it once, I'll do it again" Also it may help you to go to a more supportive board. I found the Endings forum on gloryb to be very helpful. You need to keep your "OW" hat on though, not your "MOW" (married other woman). Lots of ideas for staying NC. Good luck to you!
Author jany Posted September 12, 2009 Author Posted September 12, 2009 Holding-On: Thanks for your encouragement. I have checked the other forum about endings. It is comforting to know that there are others who has the same struggles that I am experiencing.
z1850 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Jany, You need to tell your husband immediately that you have feelings for another man. This is the best thing you could possibly do. After all, you're telling everybody on the Internet--why not tell the one person who could help yopu the most?
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