taabistan Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Hi, I'm taabistan (from the Persian word meaning spring) and this is my first post on the Love Shack. I'm posting here looking for advice. Or at least a set of guidelines that will (hopefully) lead me to living a healthier, fuller life. To understand my problem, I should explain my background. I'm 20 years old, and originally from the Middle East (afghanistan). My parents immigrated to Canada after escaping war along with me and four other siblings. Being from a strong orthodox conservative family, I was (forbidden) from having any friends that happened to be girls. It came to the point that my father enrolled me in a religous school from the 3rd grade till the 10th. As if that wasn't enough, he would monitor all our activities i.e. curfews at 9, spying on our activities, interrogating us on some of the most innocent situations, etc. My mother had a more psychological approach, perfecting the art of emasculation and put-downs. -small violin playing in the background. As I realized my situation is going to get worse before better (arranged marriage with a cousin, for example), I felt my only way out was forging a future for myself as quickly as possible. After finishing a four year degree in two years, and having created my own life (new place, new car, new sense of self-worth), I feel there are missing episodes of my life I can refocus on. In this case, casual dating. But it feels like the walls created by my family are still imposed on me. When I talk to a girl, I sound like Bush in a State of the Union Address. How can I possibly date a girl when I have rarely spoken to one? How can I be comfortable with my sexuality if I was forbidden to even see a movie scene that had intimate scenes? I know many will want to comment on how repressive my younger days sound, but there really is no way to go back in time now. Clearly, I have issues I need sorting out, but I don't know where to begin. How do I take down these psychological barriers? Is the solution to just live with them? How can I have a meaningful relationship with someone and not allow it to feel wrong? I feel I have all the time in the world, but also feel it will take ALL that time to reverse alot of the pain I felt in my younger days. Much obliged and thank-you for reading.
sweetjasmine Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I don't know how to help you, but you can find people to talk to in this group called the Council of Ex-Muslims of Britain. You can google for the address. You don't have to be an ex-Muslim to talk to people there, and many of them have gone through similar things.
Author taabistan Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Thank you for your post. I'm aware of that group. Just ot make it clear, I don't have any personal antagonism against Islam. I'm still a Muslim, but I am choosing to live a different kind of lifestyle-one that is more tuned in to the place I grew up and love. While the council of ex-Muslims have frank, direct conversations about Islam, my problem is trying to reignite my own personal confidence that has been inhibited by my family.
Els Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Just start with being friends with them. Honestly, we're not in very different circumstances. I still have a curfew of 7pm, ya know? When I'm living with my parents during college breaks, that is. When I was living with them full-time I was enrolled in an all-girls school til I was 17. Didn't have any male friends except those in church and online (and trust me, those aren't the best ways to do the socializing thing). Wasn't even allowed out after school for the most part except on rare occasions when my parents knew exactly what I was doing and with whom. Still, wasn't THAT hard to talk to guys when I finally got to college. In fact I find them easier to talk to than girls for the most part. So don't let your past bring you down! It may not be all as difficult as you think i is!
espec10001 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Find a hobby or activity that you always wanted to do but never did it BESIDES females. It will get you out there and have you meet people and make new friends with a common interest being your hobby. It can be anything, running, sports, art, music, writing, reading, really anything. Such diversity in this part of the world is a good thing I think, and people can come together regardless of religious background or ethnicity with common interests.
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