northstar1 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 That's not exactly fair. When I was 19, I very briefly dated someone who was 30. It was a mistake because even though we were intellectually/emotionally compatible and could talk for hours on end, we weren't physically compatible. We didn't really have much chemistry. But we could relate to each other very easily, and we're good friends now. It's likely that someone who's 19 isn't going to have much of anything in common with someone who's in their early 30s, but there are cases where that isn't true. That being said, I agree she should be very careful. Yes, that's called being a professor and student.
sweetjasmine Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Yes, that's called being a professor and student. No. He wasn't the all-knowing-wise one teaching me the ways of the world, and I wasn't the naive-fragile-flower basking in his knowledge and awed by him. Having been in the positions of both student and teacher multiple times, I know what that dynamic feels like, and my friendship that I mentioned wasn't/isn't like that. We're on equal footing, but not attracted to each other.
quankanne Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I was 20 when I got my first boyfriend. He was 37. Guess what he was interested in? Yep. And when he found out I was a virgin, I became sort of a "pet" he kept around until he got bored with the relationship and started stepping out on me. Interestingly enough, a conversation we had a couple of years back verified my suspicions: He was going on and on about what an honor it was to be my "first" ... then asked if I'd been telling the truth about being a virgin! Jackass look, it's possible your older guy is interested in more than just sex with a coed ... I just wouldn't say it's probable.
ReturnToSender Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Older men arent the only ones interested in getting sex out of a woman..younger ones are too. Afterall..dirty old men are just grown up dirty young men. so the whole "he jsut wants you for sex" thing can apply to anything with a penis..regardless of how old the guy is thats attached to it.
JohnP82 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 OK, I didn't read the entire thread. I think it's fair to be honest with you. At 25, I have no desire to seriously date a 19 year old girl. My intentions would be only in doing one thing with her, and conversation isn't it. It's not because of the age difference it's because we have nothing in common or if anything it would be something very minimal. That being said I think things change when talking about say a 30 year old dating a 25 year old. In this situation both people probably have had lots of life experiences, both probably are into their career, know what they want, etc.
looking4 green grass Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 This kind of sounds like my creepy ex-husband and his fresh out of high school girlfriend. He did eventually marry her, but he's one of those freakishly controlling types. I'm 29....I have nothing in common with a 19 yo girl or boy. There just isn't enough life experience there. (Oh to have known that at 19 though.) And my taste in men has drastically changed since that time. If I had married anyone I dated at 19 I'd be miserable at this point.
dreamergrl Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Dreamgirl I'm sorry if you took what I said the wrong way, but that's not how I meant it, my apologies. Anyway, he didn't say it like that per say. I told him that I didn't want to have sex with anyone till I was in a committed relationship and he said he understood that and respected that and that he was wondering if there was a possibility we could have such a relationship in the future. It wasn't that he was saying that he maybe would want to date me, it was more like he was saying let's take things slow and see what develops naturally between us which I greatly appreciate. I think that could be appreciated in any man at any age for me since I don't want to rush into a new relationship anytime soon. . Am I the only one who reads this as he doesn't want a committed relationship, but just some fun, and is using "maybe in the future" as a line to get OP to stick around?
Jersey Shortie Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 My mom married a much older man. So if it wasn't for that I wouldn't exist. they never divorced and always seemed happy to me. With that said I still think alot of what people have been saying is true. So sure it can work out but it also has alot of problems in it. To add in another story one of my friends dates a girl 10 years younger then him. and theyv'e been dating for years and probably will get engaged soon... again not the rule My mom also married a much older man. And apart from my physical exsistance, there are realistic age related issues they are having now. It was fine when he was younger and still able to keep up. Now she is still young and wants to do things and he doesn't want to do anything. She also has to deal daily with his medical issues. I am not saying that they don't love each other, or that my father is not a good person or anything like that. Her advice to me has always been that she would like to see me marry a man within my own age range. Because she knows the pitfalls and issues she had to encounter. It's really not realistic to say that age is just a number. Its another factor to consider. And my girlfriend, married an older man who she just divorced because they really don't have anything in common and he was insecure and controlling. I personally question the maturity of these type of men. Who wants an over grown boy-man? Of coures a younger lady will settle for that or even be impressed because she assumes his age automatically dictates his maturity. But that really isn't the case. Afterall..dirty old men are just grown up dirty young men. so the whole "he jsut wants you for sex" thing can apply to anything with a penis..regardless of how old the guy is thats attached to it. And people say I say crappy things about men. If this is how men "proudly" think of themselves, that's really quite sad for men. And for women for not having the type of real grown-up men they need and want in life. Although, I don't know why the OP is even asking for advice. She has already made her mind up and will agree with anyone that most shares the viewpoint she wants. *shrug* She wasn't really looking for advice at all.
ReturnToSender Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 And people say I say crappy things about men. If this is how men "proudly" think of themselves, that's really quite sad for men. And for women for not having the type of real grown-up men they need and want in life. Careful...I didnt say all men are like this. I specifically said dirty old men are just grown up dirty young men. There *are* men out there who are only after one thing...they didnt just get that way as they got older..they always were that way..they simply got older and kept at it. I dont think any man proudly thinks of himself that way...well, except Benny Hill maybe...hah! But yeah, I dont think that a sad thing for men in general...just the men it applies to.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I met my XH when I was 22 and he was 37. My mom had an absolute fit. Did not like the age difference, didn't like his relationship history, didn't like the fact that he had kids. Mostly, though - she didn't like the fact that with so little life/relationship experience, I was getting involved with somebody that much older. So we had a 15-year age difference. Other than that BAD stuff that went on between us (he's a bad serial cheater), when things were good, they were awesome. We had an intense connection and great chemistry. I had never experienced anything similar with any guy my age. After that ended, I didn't want to date anybody with more than like an 8-year gap over me. I dated a guy 1 year older and the chemistry quite honestly sucked. Wasn't looking to date anybody...met this guy on a meetup group that is 14 years older than me and he freaking sneaked under the radar (we exchanged a handful of deep/insightful/personal emails before I asked his age). I think he has stolen my heart in spite of me trying to resist (we shall see). But IMO, yes - age is just a number. Go with what you're comfortable with, as long as you get along and are both comfortable with the life stages you are presently in. But be prepared for family to balk at the gap. My mom doesn't care NOW, because I'm 7 years older than the last May-December romance I was involved in. But at your age, I'm going to have to say that they have at least a small right to be concerned. Just be patient with them.
Isolde Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I think the time from 18-24 is really pivotal.
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