phoenix1 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Although we broke up 6-7 weeks ago, it has only been 17 days NC. Prior to that we were LC and then trying to be friends, so in some ways it feels like we just broke up. I am doing all that I can and what has been suggested, staying busy, exercise, journaling, friends, therapy, etc etc. But today is a really hard day. It's really cruel how you can have a few days where you kinda feel sorta OK, and then wham!! It feels new and raw again. I am so lonely...you can only spend so much time with your friends and then they return home to....their partners and you go home by yourself. I keep thinking I should get out and date, but I just can't. I was on a dating website, and just couldn't go forward with responding with any one. It really wouldn't be fair to them anyway, the truth is I wouldn't give a sh*t about them. I don't really care about much these days. Feel like the pleasure has been sucked out of my life....really depressed, and just going through the motions. Miss him sooo much. Everywhere I turn there are memories of the beautiful life we shared together. Memories run through my mind, yes, good and bad, and I can't seem to turn it off sometimes. I miss the closeness and intimacy that you have with a partner, with him, telling them funny stories at the end of the day, bouncing ideas off them. Cuddling, sleeping together, our amazing sex. I wonder if he ever thinks of me, misses me? I have pretty much accepted that we can't be in a relationship together, but just feel the need to talk to him. But, I won't. It may be silly but my pride will keep me from breaking NC. Hey, whatever works, right? He is soooo CP and I know if I call him and start up, he will respond and drag me through some more pain. My friends are sick of me at this point, and I feel foolish for not being able to move on, and have starting keeping more things to myself. I feel lost, because we had so many hopes and dreams and plans, and now there is nothing.....I could start making new plans but he truth is, I just don't have the energy or enthusiasm right now, and I just don't care...so I just flounder... Thanks for being there, I am so glad I found this site. All of your experiences have been so helpful to me.
fofiffs Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I'm really sorry to hear the pain your going through. I know what its like because I've been there. Just keep your head held up high and know it will get better. Trust me. I havent heard from my ex in 6 months. The first three months were hell for me. The pain is unbearble but it will subside. IF you read my previous post my ex has just contacted me today telling me she misses me and still loves me and wants to work it out. You know what I tell her, I basically told her to leave me alone and never contact me again My feelings for her are not there no more and what really helped me out was keeping NC. I did all the things your doing now excercising, therapy, basically everything to keep my mind off her. You may not notice it now because your still in the early stages but the pain will eventually go away. So stay strong and know we are here to support you.
jb1173 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 phoenix1, many of the things you wrote here I could have written myself. I know how you feel, and there are so many others out there in the same boat. We've discussed here before about what it's like to be in a relationship and breakup with a commitmentphobe. It's stunning in it's nature because the CP seems to put their all into the relationship and then bails when things are going so well. I was dumped about five weeks ago, about the same time as you, and I imagine that we are both still caught up in the state of shock, and dealing with a "closure" that really isn't much closure or consolation at all. (((hugs))) Please be good to yourself. You deserve it! And come here to vent. I know it's been helpful to me, in addition to journaling offline.
Broseph Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 God I exactly know what you feel right now and I am about the same spot. We broke up over three weeks ago but we went on vacation together as a last hooray kinda thing, it was actually a good time but obviouslly had it sad moments. SO anyways that first 10 days althoguh hard and emotional I obviously didnt cut away until we got home. I have my good days and bad days but these last two days have been very very hard i think. IT been a week NC and we have only spoken once since we got home, 14 days. We still have issues looking so i know we will talk but talk doesnt achieve anything. I miss the exact same things that you are saying phoenix..I miss the way we snuggled, showering together, and our silly games. It sucks to know that we are through and she gave up on us without even speaking. She is the one person that I thought would never do this to me (not leaving exactly but just abadoning me). Why cant i just accept this and move on, I have been through this before, why do I fall so hard? I draw stregnth from people here and that helps out but Im just so sick of constantly thinking about this. She left me, fine deal with it and move on, I know its simple but I really want to be around this person. She wrote me a letter on break up and the last bit expalined how she was scared of me leaving, running away and never wanting to be a part of her life. She is very geninuine but maybe thats what everyone says. We spoke about meeting and hanging out after but it is obivous from the trip that we can have a great time but we still have passion and will end up sleeping together.
soheartbroken Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Everything you wrote is EXACTLY where I'm at, minus the CP business. I go through the motions but I'm down all day, miss her like crazy, everything reminds me of her. Even our timelines are almost the same in terms of breakup and NC. Missing sex and cuddling...yup. Right there with you! Fofiffs - your ex contacted you after 6 months NC and wanted you back? Unbelievable. Gotta find that thread.
soheartbroken Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Broseph. I hear you on the leaving vs. abandoning thing. Never thought my ex could abandon me like this, not even speaking to me. There is always the possibility that things don't work out, but when the dumper goes NC that's the worst (even though it doesn't appear yours went complete NC).
Broseph Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 When she got back she sent a couple texts but I wasnt in the mood, then she sent my room mate a text wondering if I was ignoring her. Other than that not really She sent texts before last weekend to get my car to me, we both were pretty short in our replies. I follishly gave in and called on saturday and briefly spoke, she said she would call back later and she did (said she counted down the eminutes). Sad convo with no resolve though, said maybe ill call her on her birthday which is two weeks away still. Not sure if I will hear from her before then. Highly doubt it, Its just all too much right now. Soheart I have noticed you here and our situations sound very similar. We will make it bro just will suck to get there
fofiffs Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Everything you wrote is EXACTLY where I'm at, minus the CP business. I go through the motions but I'm down all day, miss her like crazy, everything reminds me of her. Even our timelines are almost the same in terms of breakup and NC. Missing sex and cuddling...yup. Right there with you! Fofiffs - your ex contacted you after 6 months NC and wanted you back? Unbelievable. Gotta find that thread. yes she did. It started off with a friend request on myspace then an email telling me that she's lonely coming home to a house by herself. And she has the nerve to tell me she misses me, loves me, and wants to start fresh. This was the woman that I took care of along with her baby for two years when she had nothing. She leaves me for some other guy. And 6 months later after i'm finally moved on she contacts me. I told her to leave me alone and never contact me again and blocked her from myspace. If she contacted me months ago i probably would have came crawling back to her. NC has really thought me alot. I reevaluated myself and the relationship and came to conclusion that I was far better off. It hurt knowing the truth but it freed me from the chains she had on me.
Broseph Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Good on ya, Fofiffs. Must be a huge sense of acomplish that truly something that didnt kill you only made you stronger. Best of luck to you and luck to the girl who ends up with someone as strong willed as you.
adamt Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 phoenix1, i know exactly what you are going through. Been there recently. You feel you won't get better but you will. There is no magic wand to fix things overnight. It is a slow process as you adjust and get withdrawal symptoms. Stick to NC no matter how hard it is and you will begin to heal. All i can recommend is stay busy and work on yourself and what makes you feel good and you will get better. I miss my ex still and get reminders of her memories but it does feel a lot better. You may have a lot of questions to ask and keep analysing the relationship but eventually you will accept that you wil never get the answers.
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