Bill75 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 My girlfriend of several years ended our relationship just over two weeks ago, the day after we got back from vacation with friends. I have not been a great partner for the last 9 or 10 months. I had a job loss and it devastated me, made me withdraw from her, and I was just not a loving partner. She was always great and supportive, but I struggled to open up about what I had going on. So, we split up and exchanged a few short emails, calls, and texts. She said she cared for me and was just confused and had questions to answer before she new what she wanted. A week after the break up (and while telling me was still confused) she met someone and has been spending time with him. I want her to be happy and have no reason to believe that she is not. I got sick the other night with kidney stones and when I let her know, she was there within 20 minutes to give me a ride to the ER. It was a disaster. Between the kidney stone, pain meds, and hurt from the relationship it turned into a spectacle. I think she thought that I was faking it just to see her, which from the throwing up and moaning I was obviously not. Regardless, not a great night. I love her dearly, and know that she cares for me, her parents love (loved) me and for a long time was certain I was the one she would marry. I am just confused about where to next? Now that I am in a much better financial spot and finally able to open up and share myself with her, how do I prove this, when there is someone else in the picture and the other night was such a wreck? She has told me that she doesn't want to put her heart out there again and doesn't understand why it takes a break up for me to get my priorities in line. And just a side note that I am probably reading too much into. My ex has become really good friends my former housemate (a female and good friend of mine) who now lives a few houses down from me and has been talking a lot about the break up. I think this is way of kind of staying in the loop and connected to me, without really being connected to me. Thanks for any advice.
NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I was in the same boat my friend. There is NOTHING you can do to show her how you've changed. Your only choice is to live your day to day life as best you can without her in it. I'd almost bet the other guy was there before you went on vacation. Same sh*t happened to me! You need to cut ALL contact with her NOW! Do not tell her, just do it! If she ever comes back you'll be in a much better frame of mind to decide what to do about it. Read some of my past threads as our break ups and reasons for are very similar..My ex did come back after 4 months and I ended it after 1. It's hard to go back to someone who bounced on you when you needed them the most.
Author Bill75 Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Positive that nothing was going on before the vacation. I will go on living and making myself a better person, even see other people. But, at some point I will have to man up and tell her I feel. Who knows, might meet the love of my life tomorrow, but I still want the opportunity to at some point to see if anything is still there. Why did you end it after a month?
blackhair Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 You know, its gas, yoiu read other peoples messages and can see things clearer than you would your own situation - even though there may be similarities between the two. Anyway, my 2 pence worth. I think this new guy is a rebound especially if it was within a few months after breaking up. I think she is with him because it is a stable relationship. Whether you tell her today or next week won't make a difference. She wants stability which she ain't sure you can provide. She doesn't want to leave this behind on the back of a few words you tell her. I agree with the other views posted to some extend, and that is you have to move on and by doing so, you will show her that you are confident, strong and have goals in life. Apparently thats what women want in a man!!! Or You could ask her to meet for a coffee and tell her your true feelings and that forcing a decision upon her. Tell her if she ever needs to talk etc, you will be there for her. Wish her luck and leave it at that. Then go NC. In doing this, you will leave an impression of a happy, kind, caring etc guy... At the end of the day, it's your call, good luck!
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