conehead Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 My last bf broke up with me because he said while his feelings for me were very strong to begin with, that his feelings stopped growing after a few months. He stayed with me for a few more months after, thinking that things might kick start again but it didn't. Our relationship, according to him, started to stall. We were official for 8 months. Somehow, I think that I must be doing something to make him lose interest in me. Like this relationship with him is the longest I've had. I've never had a long term relationship. My ex told me that he didn't see us working out long term. So I wonder if I'm long term material. Anyone have any personal experience on this? Also, any good books I can read on this? Any help/suggestions greatly appreciated.
BCCA Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 The best advice I can offer you is to be glad he was upfront and didnt try and lead you on. Its really just the way dating goes. I was with a girl for 5 years, and then she just wasnt happy anymore. Felt like staying with me would be settling (ouch right?), when there could be something better for her out there. If you feel like youre doing things that men dont like, ask here, and we have no problems telling you how we feel. But dont feel like you have cooties because youre not in LTR's. Ive only been in 2 in my life, and obviously, niether worked out, which led me here. Its hard enough to find someone to go on a date with, finding someone worthy of spending any length of time with is really really hard. Just try and be a decent and honest person, and youll be doing the best you can. There is no rhyme or reason for your failures thus far. Trying to do anything would be not being yourself, and you wouldnt end up happy anyway.
carhill Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 A suggestion: Grow yourself Healthy, happy intimate relationships flow from those qualities in each of the partners. Just imagine, if you're at the top of your game in your interpersonal life, with family and friends, it will be natural that a compatible man will take notice, as the authentic self is the most attractive self. Growing a relationship from your authentic self should be effortless. If you're not currently in a R, work on yourself; your self-image, your life-goals, your confidence. My biggest problem in the past was that I took it personally when a woman lost interest in me; I felt like I had failed. The work was understanding that I could no more control their interest than I could the sun coming up tomorrow, and that it was no reflection on me. It was, and is, life. Celebrate the joys, mourn the sorrows. Above all live, because, so quickly, it is gone.
Author conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 The best advice I can offer you is to be glad he was upfront and didnt try and lead you on. Its really just the way dating goes. I was with a girl for 5 years, and then she just wasnt happy anymore. Felt like staying with me would be settling (ouch right?), when there could be something better for her out there. If you feel like youre doing things that men dont like, ask here, and we have no problems telling you how we feel. But dont feel like you have cooties because youre not in LTR's. Ive only been in 2 in my life, and obviously, niether worked out, which led me here. Its hard enough to find someone to go on a date with, finding someone worthy of spending any length of time with is really really hard. Just try and be a decent and honest person, and youll be doing the best you can. There is no rhyme or reason for your failures thus far. Trying to do anything would be not being yourself, and you wouldnt end up happy anyway. Thx, your words really did make me feel better about myself. Breakups definitely can give a hit to the self esteem. A suggestion: Grow yourself Healthy, happy intimate relationships flow from those qualities in each of the partners. Just imagine, if you're at the top of your game in your interpersonal life, with family and friends, it will be natural that a compatible man will take notice, as the authentic self is the most attractive self. Growing a relationship from your authentic self should be effortless. If you're not currently in a R, work on yourself; your self-image, your life-goals, your confidence. My biggest problem in the past was that I took it personally when a woman lost interest in me; I felt like I had failed. The work was understanding that I could no more control their interest than I could the sun coming up tomorrow, and that it was no reflection on me. It was, and is, life. Celebrate the joys, mourn the sorrows. Above all live, because, so quickly, it is gone. Thx for the advice. Any good books I can read?
carhill Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 LOL, I haven't read a book cover to cover in years. I don't think I've ever owned a relationship book. Perhaps I'm not the person to look to for advice. Most of my insight comes when I'm mowing the back forty or digging up irrigation lines...stuff like that. The real world works in mysterious ways. Right now I'm learning about commitment from a cat
Lauriebell82 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 My last bf broke up with me because he said while his feelings for me were very strong to begin with, that his feelings stopped growing after a few months. He stayed with me for a few more months after, thinking that things might kick start again but it didn't. Our relationship, according to him, started to stall. We were official for 8 months. Somehow, I think that I must be doing something to make him lose interest in me. Like this relationship with him is the longest I've had. I've never had a long term relationship. My ex told me that he didn't see us working out long term. So I wonder if I'm long term material. Anyone have any personal experience on this? Also, any good books I can read on this? Any help/suggestions greatly appreciated. Why Men Love Bi tches (dont know if I'd get censored for that) and Why Men Marry Bi tches. Awesome books, they really opened my eyes! As for "long term material." Of course you are! It's nothing you personally did that made this guy leave, he just wasn't the one for you. When it's the RIGHT guy, he won't leave.
Hkizzle Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Just one thing about why men love bitches....... Don't become a bitch or assume all men want women that way. I know girls that screwed up perfectly fine relationships by pushing their men too hard. The types of men that respond best to the tactics in why men love bitches are alpha males and jerks.
Author conehead Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Just one thing about why men love bitches....... Don't become a bitch or assume all men want women that way. I know girls that screwed up perfectly fine relationships by pushing their men too hard. The types of men that respond best to the tactics in why men love bitches are alpha males and jerks. Have you read this book before? My sister always said a relationship should be about nurturing, staying sweet, communication, and putting aside one's ego.
Hkizzle Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Have you read this book before? My sister always said a relationship should be about nurturing, staying sweet, communication, and putting aside one's ego. Your sister born in the 1950's or something? Yeah, I've read the book. Whilst I think it's strategies are good for girls that are too nice, I've heard now on several occasions from men and women that have broken up because of that book. Some women swing too far to the other side and becoem a real bitch. The idea is to be nice to the guy, but have boundaries set and if he crosses them whoop his ass. Be there for him and nurturing, but still a challenge and have your own life.
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