Guys, have u ever been madly in love with a woman then lose interest after few months

[conehead]

If so, what was the reason? Assuming she didn't do anything drastic like cheat, lie, or whatever and wasn't crazy... and you were genuinely crazy about her. How can you lose interest after just 4-6 months or so?

 

What was it about the girl that made you lose interest?

 

I need to know

[alphamale]

yes, thats pretty much the story of my dating life. fear of commitment, innit? that and a desire for variety

[Yamaha]

The word your looking for is infatuation. You can be infatuated with someone then change your mind after a few months.

[reservoirdog1]

The word your looking for is infatuation. You can be infatuated with someone then change your mind after a few months.

Spot on. Infatuation is usually the product of hormones. Where that infatuation DOESN'T wear off after a couple of months, that's a good first (though definitely not only) indicator that there could be something there worth pursuing.

[BCCA]

Well, I dont think you really know who the person is in under 6 months, so a lot of what you fall for is potential. I met a girl and thought I was in love for about 5-6 months, and then her depression issues just got to be too much. Or you could love the temporary excitement they brought into your life, but realize you arent compatible long term. I met a girl long ago who was wild and fun, and we had some great times together, but she wasnt a girl I would marry and take home to mom.

 

To answer your question, you end up realizing that the person youre with isnt the person you thought you were falling for. It takes a while to be sure you picked the right one.

[conehead]

Well, I dont think you really know who the person is in under 6 months, so a lot of what you fall for is potential. I met a girl and thought I was in love for about 5-6 months, and then her depression issues just got to be too much. Or you could love the temporary excitement they brought into your life, but realize you arent compatible long term. I met a girl long ago who was wild and fun, and we had some great times together, but she wasnt a girl I would marry and take home to mom.

 

To answer your question, you end up realizing that the person youre with isnt the person you thought you were falling for. It takes a while to be sure you picked the right one.

 

That's very interesting. However, I sometimes notice patterns. Like there are girls who go from one LTR (2+) years to another while there are some girls who keep getting dumped after every relationship meets the 6-9 month mark. What are the LTR girls doing that the STR girls aren't doing right?

[carhill]

Historically, when becoming emotionally involved, the only way a woman will lose my attention and bond is if she treats me badly or ignores my communicated boundaries (or just ignores me in general). I've never 'fallen out of love' or 'lost interest' in someone who treats me well where there was attraction at the beginning. YMMV

 

What are the LTR girls doing that the STR girls aren't doing right?

 

Sex can get a man's attention for a goodly time. It's a compatible personality and intellect which will hold his attention, absent manipulation, for the long haul.

[BCCA]

That's very interesting. However, I sometimes notice patterns. Like there are girls who go from one LTR (2+) years to another while there are some girls who keep getting dumped after every relationship meets the 6-9 month mark. What are the LTR girls doing that the STR girls aren't doing right?

 

The girls who go from relationship to relationship are usually the ones dumping the guys, and more often than not, start their next relationship while still in one. They are 'branch swingers', always looking for a greener pasture. Being the one to willingly leave a relationship leaves you in a much better place to find another.

 

When you get dumped, and especially if it keeps happening at the same mark, you are probably guilty of both reading too much into things, as in, thinking the guy is more 'in' than he is, as well as giving off the vibe you expect things to fizzle any minute.

[conehead]

Sex can get a man's attention for a goodly time. It's a compatible personality and intellect which will hold his attention, absent manipulation, for the long haul.

 

Haha, is that really the distinguisihing factor between the STR and the LTR girls? The STR girls aren't giving the sex?

[carhill]

I experience the STR females as 'pushing me away' at the same time they're supposedly attracting me. They are attracting with the superficial (sex and appearances) and pushing away at the deeper emotional levels. It permeates their aura and behaviors. Monkey branch swingers who can't be alone, IME, send the strongest signals, which seems odd, since they desire companionship so strongly. It's almost as if a component of self-loathing is at work, like they hate themselves for the way they behave, but don't know how to behave any differently, or don't care.

[conehead]

as in, thinking the guy is more 'in' than he is, as .

 

What does that mean?

[carhill]

Haha, is that really the distinguisihing factor between the STR and the LTR girls? The STR girls aren't giving the sex?

 

I can't speak for others but I don't consider any male/female interaction a "R", meaning relationship, unless there is sex. Otherwise, it's just a friendship/dating. Obviously, one can have sex without having a relationship, but I can't fathom a relationship without sex, though some LS'ers are trying to prove me wrong

[conehead]

carhill, u just answered my question above. Deleted this post.

[BCCA]

What does that mean?

 

I meant they assume that because they guy hasnt left or dumped them he is on the same page about where their relationship is going, when he could be there for convenience or any number of reasons. (yes, sex is one of them)

[carhill]

Sex is a universal attractant of males, gay or straight. The difference between attracting the male with sex (STR) and keeping him (LTR) is the other factors I mentioned, as long as the male is emotionally and physically healthy.

 

In a STR, the intoxicant of fresh sex can mask or obscure many incompatible traits, or, if the traits/perspectives/personality types are discovered, the pleasure of this period minimizes them through rationalization.

 

This is one good reason why a male wants to have sex with a female as quickly as possible. His primitive brain knows that sex will change her perspective of him. She will see, feel and analyze him differently. She'll think less and feel more. Specific brain chemicals become involved. With that in place, if she isn't a STR girl who doesn't invest her emotions, he can slowly unreel his real personality and, over time, she won't even realize they're incompatible (if they are) until she's well attached emotionally, and maybe even biologically (sharing a baby).

 

The process, for a man, can be purely cognitive; purely pragmatic. He can do it all without ever engaging his emotions and do it quickly, if he so desires. A form of somewhat benign sociopathy, IMO. My wife called it sport f*cking.

[conehead]

BCAA and Carhill, regarding your views on sex, well what if the girl (me) is one who pulled back on the sex and wants to wait until marraige for it? (thus the stuff on STR girls using sex to get guys dont quite apply)

 

I guess you can say that in itself will caused me to be dumped lol. But my ex told me that the no-sex thing was not why he broke up with me. He said his feelings for me stopped growing and hit a lull. I wonder, if its not the sex and that is not the point, what other factors are there that would make a guy lose interest?

 

And also well to be fair, this is the only relationship that ended where the guy lost interest. I only had one other relationship aside from this one. That one ended for other reasons - lies/cheating.

[BCCA]

Well, generally what comes out of peoples mouths when they are dumping you is about 10-15% truth, mixed in with a lot of things that sound better than what the truth is. So for that reason, I wouldnt expect that he was entirely candid.

 

Also, as a man, I cant see sex being pulled as NOT being a problem. Did you ever have sex with him before?

[carhill]

I wonder, if its not the sex and that is not the point, what other factors are there that would make a guy lose interest?

IMHO, there's no way you're going to have a successful LTR as 'friends'. There's always a sexual component. Sex is far, far more than penile/vaiginal intercourse. My wife and I could have sex with our eyes. Perfectly normal. Perhaps I used too much specificity. Maybe I should broaden to 'sexual attraction', 'sexual behaviors other than intercourse', or something like that.

 

See, I could be with you for months and not have intercourse and still maintain sexual attraction. That comes from who you are; how you carry yourself, how you interact with me. It doesn't have to mean fluid swapping. I've done this so I know it's possible. It likely isn't probable with the majority of men you'll meet, but that's your path and I respect it.

 

IMO, unless you maintain that sexual attraction and tension, the R will wane. Remember, I like to drink beer and hang out with my car buddies. Give me a reason not to

[BCCA]

IMO, unless you maintain that sexual attraction and tension, the R will wane. Remember, I like to drink beer and hang out with my car buddies. Give me a reason not to

 

Well put, my friend.

[carhill]

The male has his part in the sexual attraction dynamic too, somewhat different from the female, but equally as important. The OP is female so I answered based on that presumption.

 

For the male, the STR/LTR dynamic turns on commitment and emotional intimacy and bonding, IMO. Men who cannot commit and/or cannot be intimate emotionally likely will never have a healthy LTR. Having those qualities will not guarantee one, but their dearth is as much a death knell to a LTR possibility as a woman who can't maintain sexual attraction.

[Pink Cupcakes]

I believe the women who get dumped often are putting too much effort into the relationship and are smothering the guy, and not being the prize. You need to let the guy do the pursuing and courting, and then you will be the prize. If you are aggressively calling him all the time, wanting to see him all the time, etc., basically pursuing him, and you have any sense of neediness, you are making him feel obligation. He needs to want to do that, it's part of the chase.

[conehead]

Well, generally what comes out of peoples mouths when they are dumping you is about 10-15% truth, mixed in with a lot of things that sound better than what the truth is. So for that reason, I wouldnt expect that he was entirely candid.

 

Also, as a man, I cant see sex being pulled as NOT being a problem. Did you ever have sex with him before?

 

No, we never had sex (though from the beginning he never really agreed with it and just said wait and see about the sex), though we did other stuff aside from it that was sexual. This went on for a few months.

 

Things really blew up 2 weeks before he dumped me, after I told him that I want to stop all the other sexual acts too until marriage (he said he does not understand that logic at all).

 

But I noticed that he was becoming distant/unaffecionate about 4-5 weeks before he dumped me. That really hurt me because he started acting that way literally like days after my uncle died...right after I told him I feel so lucky I have someone like him to be there for me during such difficult times. I guess that was part of the reason why I really did not trust to share my body with him anymore, though there were other personal reasons for it too. But my uncles death was the trigger for it.

 

When I asked him why he broke up with me, he emphasized that the sex was not the reason and he doesnt want people to think that. I asked him why does it matter that people think that, since sex after all can be an incompatibility issue. He hesitated and said because he is not a jerk like that, and took the extra time to emphasize that it was not the sex. He did point out that I had paranoia issue with safety, diseases, that reminded him of his mom and he didnt like to be around that. That is a true issue.

 

I guess that is why he convinced me that perhaps it wasnt the sex after all. It was something else. Could be a combination of issues that made him lose interest in me. Sucks.

[conehead]

Well, my ex has had 3 relationships prior to me. His first one was 4.5 years, second one was only 4 months, and third one was only 6 months. He broke up with all 3 of them. Just for my sake, I will say that it was HIM, not me. lol

 

When we first dated, he said his feelings for me were really strong and he felt more strongly for me than all the other previous girls, well I guess that didnt last long .

[carhill]

Something in his first R or how it ended changed his perspective. Pain is a furnace of change. Probably that colored his language as well, as in talking the talk.

[conehead]

Something in his first R or how it ended changed his perspective. Pain is a furnace of change. Probably that colored his language as well, as in talking the talk.

 

He never specified exactly how his first relationship ended, but I did know that it changed his views on religion. She was very religious while he was not and so to this day he hates all things religious. I think he dumped her probably because she wanted to make him religious too. Can't say for sure though.

 

But why would you say, with such certainty almost, that it was something in his first R that changed his perspective? Do you think that is why he keeps having such STRs afterward? Perhaps he finds something he doesnt like in all girls real quick and then dump them?