Ilovecake Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Would you break NC if you found out your ex is gravely ill? Just asking because a friend and I were having this conversation last night and she asked if there was any reason I would contact my ex and I said “no, never”. She then asked “even if you found out he was gravely ill?” All of a sudden I wasn’t so sure. Just wondering what your thoughts are.
TaraMaiden Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Compassion should always win over pride.
john1988 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I think you def would yeah but some people use all kinds of ridiculous excuses to get in touch. My ex once said she was in a car crash to get my attention, never knew for sure but I think it was a lie.
jasminetea Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I think you would have to be very honest with yourself about what your motives were for getting in touch and also think very carefully about the benefit that your ex would get from it, if any. If there was any chance they wouldn't benefit from contact, and if your relationship with them ended badly enough to warrant NC it would suggest that any contact from you would be detrimental to them, then no, I don't believe breaking NC would be a good idea.
silic0ntoad Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I think you would have to be very honest with yourself about what your motives were for getting in touch and also think very carefully about the benefit that your ex would get from it, if any. If there was any chance they wouldn't benefit from contact, and if your relationship with them ended badly enough to warrant NC it would suggest that any contact from you would be detrimental to them, then no, I don't believe breaking NC would be a good idea. I wouldn't break NC. They need you when they are ill? Where were they when you were suffering without them? Give them exactly what they gave you. Nothing.
Ingenue Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 I'd like to think that compassion does triumph over ill will or pride but in some circumstances, contacting the ill person would be more detrimental to his/her health than remaining absent. I'm thinking in the case of dumpers who learn of dumpees who are ill and the relationship ended badly, there would most likely be more emotional harm done from the dumper contacting the dumpee In the case of dumpees contacting dumpers where the relationship ended badly and there hasn't been contact for years or an extended period of time, it makes little sense to contact. For my last ex, the only reason I'd contact him is out of pity upon learning of his illness. Compassion isn't the same as pity and he certainly doesn't need the latter.
Island Girl Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 If I broke up with them, there's a good possibility. If they broke up with me no way.
Author Ilovecake Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I think you would have to be very honest with yourself about what your motives were for getting in touch and also think very carefully about the benefit that your ex would get from it, if any. If there was any chance they wouldn't benefit from contact, and if your relationship with them ended badly enough to warrant NC it would suggest that any contact from you would be detrimental to them, then no, I don't believe breaking NC would be a good idea. I like this answer. I think it's the closest to how I feel.
DustySaltus Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 If they asked for me, without a doubt I would, no matter who broke up with who. I think in moments like that, you come to see what's really important to you. I never believe in taking anything to the grave and if that is their wish, then I would try my best to be there. If they didn't ask for me though, I would probably not see them.
silic0ntoad Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 If they asked for me, without a doubt I would, no matter who broke up with who. I think in moments like that, you come to see what's really important to you. I never believe in taking anything to the grave and if that is their wish, then I would try my best to be there. If they didn't ask for me though, I would probably not see them. I see your point Dusty. I however, am disinclined to acquiesce with this opinion Haha. I am a liar. If Tra called and asked me too, I would at least give it deep consideration. But she won't, so it's a moot point.
JamesM Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Compassion should always win over pride. Simplest post and best said. I agree. If I broke up with them, there's a good possibility. If they broke up with me no way. And I agree with this one because it is quite possible that if he or she broke up with you, then he or she does not want you there. It is also possible that even if you did the breakup, he or she may not want to have the hurt brought up again. But I am guessing that we make the assumption that the ex actually wants you there.
Island Girl Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 And I agree with this one because it is quite possible that if he or she broke up with you, then he or she does not want you there. It is also possible that even if you did the breakup, he or she may not want to have the hurt brought up again. Exactly my point. And who am I to show up in an already trying time just to give them further pain, anguish, or anger? But I am guessing that we make the assumption that the ex actually wants you there. I don't. Since I broke up with all of my exes and usually quite brutally I assume they wouldn't want to see me (except a handful that has contacted me in the years passed) and I can only wish they found someone far more compatible who loves them and that person is the one who should be given any and all the time available. I would be an intruder in their lives at that point. "Our time" is long gone.
Beeotch Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Would you break NC if you found out your ex is gravely ill? Just asking because a friend and I were having this conversation last night and she asked if there was any reason I would contact my ex and I said “no, never”. She then asked “even if you found out he was gravely ill?” All of a sudden I wasn’t so sure. Just wondering what your thoughts are. Yes I would...what would be the point of ignoring a dying person or a sickly, weak person? I still care about him and NC is not supposed to be a punishment but just a way for you not to get entangled romantically with your ex and possibly get hurt. For me, despite the break up, he is not a horrible person and I still care for him and would not be able to live with myself if I still maintained NC after finding out he is gravely sick. What would be the point? God forbid if he died....I would feel soooo horrible. Who knows, often during illness people assess their lives and say for example, before he died we spent time together and cleared the air, I would feel a lot better about that than me maintaining NC just for the sake of it....him dying and that's the end. I feel that is very petty and just plain unnecessary and not the point of NC. Which is also why I personally engage in LC. I realize I CANNOT speak to my ex daily and be friends and all that if I still have feelings for him. Therefore I don't try to. I do not speak to him, HOWEVER, if and when he speaks to me I respond on occasion. And if I really had something to say to him I would say it. it is not just a blind rule...I work it into MY LIFE and what makes sense to me. I am not at the place where I can truly be his platonic friend but I am also not at the place where he bothers me that much anymore....but I keep my distance nevertheless for various reasons. But I am strong enough to interact with him once in a while and be fine. So yess....if he was sick I'd break it...but heck, I guess I don't follow NC strictly anyway.
Author Ilovecake Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 All very good thoughts. I guess you guys are right it would be very dependent on the situation and the type of breakup and the time spent apart.
Recommended Posts