Is he cheating?

[ConfusedAndSad]

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We've had our ups and downs, and broke up over this past summer. We ended up getting back togther again, but before we did, I had heard rumors that he had been intimate with another girl. He denied it, and I let it go (well sort of, I mean do we ever really let something like that go?) Since we have gotten back together, he had not talked to this girl. I recently found out that they have started talking again, however he denies it.

 

Anyway, right now he and I are not in the same state. He is in the same state as the girl I mentioned above, although she doesnt live *that*close to him. I am pretty positive that she is in the same area as him this weekend though.

 

I got a strange feeling when talking to him on the phone last night. I felt like something was "not right". It almost seemed like she may have been there, cuz every time he answered the phone, it took several rings before he picked up, and there was complete silence. He claimed he was going to sleep early, but hes definitely a night owl, and he always sleeps with the tv on.

 

I asked him if something was wrong, he said no. He said he was just really tired and wanted to go to sleep. He talked to me normally on the phone, like he said he couldnt wait to see me and that he loved me and all that stuff. So I didnt hear a change in the sound of his voice or anything.

 

This could all be my paranoia. I am a jealous person, and thats what I have chalked it up to be the reason he doesnt admit that he is talking to this girl again. He knows I am not a big fan of her, so I can totally see that being a valid reason.

 

I love him so much, and I have never suspected him of cheating on me up until now. I just dont know what to do.

 

Any advice for me?

[midori]

Originally posted by ConfusedAndSad

I recently found out that they have started talking again, however he denies it.

 

How do you know this? How certain are you about it?

 

This could all be my paranoia. I am a jealous person, and thats what I have chalked it up to be the reason he doesnt admit that he is talking to this girl again. He knows I am not a big fan of her, so I can totally see that being a valid reason.

 

I love him so much, and I have never suspected him of cheating on me up until now. I just dont know what to do.

 

I think the only thing you can do is ask him. Be very straightforward, don't try to set him up to lie and then catch him at it. Tell him however it is that you came by the information that he's in touch with her again. Tell him that you're a bit weirded out because he lied to you. Ask him what's going on. Maybe they're just chatting in a friendly way from time to time. The fact that they're in touch doesn't HAVE to mean that there's anything to be concerned about.

 

You do need to have some faith in your instinct. If you're prone to jealousy you need to be aware of that and keep it in check. But you shouldn't just dismiss your instincts entirely. You obviously don't want to jump the gun by accusing your boyfriend of anything. Hear him out. Then tell him what you've been picking up on lately -- that he's been somewhat uncommunicative lately, things seem a little out-of-whack, and that, paired with the renewed contact with the summer girl (and more importantly his lying about it) makes you wonder what's going on. Are these things related? Let him answer that, again, don't accuse him.

 

You're a rational, intelligent person. You just want to know what the deal is. At this point, if your bf can answer things to your satisfaction, you could probably let it drop for the time being at least -- to be revisited if the weirdness continues. If your bf can't provide satisfactory explanations, then you'll have to decide what you want to do next. But you're not there yet.

[Arabess]

Great advice Midori!!!

[myriad001]

When did you move away from your boyfriend; before or after your initial breakup?