DannyBoi Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Hi All, Firstly I'm new here so hello Now to the point...I'm with a girl, and we've been together about 9 or 10 months, but I dont know it doesnt feel right anymore and I want to break up I think, or maybe I need a break I dont know, but things just dont feel right, I'm not sure whether I love her anymore and I think the thing thats keeping me with her is that I still care about her so much I dont want to hurt her and see her heartbroken. She can be quiet possesive at times and that gets me down, she also has a bit of a bad temper and we tend to argue over silly things. Another girl has been texting me that she wants to be with me who I've known for about 5 years now and we've always been friends, and I feel like my head has been turned by her. I know what I have to do I guess, I just don't know how to do it, I mean I really want to still be good friends with her because I care so much about her, but I know shes gonna hate me for breaking her heart no matter what I tell her, I've wrote her a letter thats like 3 pages long to give to her, and yet still I dont feel like I can do it to her. I also feel very upset when I think about losing her, but I think thats because I know she wont even talk to me anymore, rather than because we wont be going out anymore. My head is really ****ed up about this and anyone I ask really doesnt know what I should do, how can I tell her so it wont hurt as bad? I mean obviously I need to tell her the truth about my feelings, but she never accepts when I want to leave her, she starts hysterically crying and then it turns into an argument, I really dont know what to do and its been playing on my mind 24/7. Please help Thanks in advance. Im Dan by the way
hoping2heal Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I think the first thing you should do, is get rid of all the unrealistic expectations you have. The break up will hurt, there will be nothing you can do to change that. Also, being her friend will hurt her MUCH more. I understand you care about her as a person, that's great but you shouldn't expect to keep her in your life on your terms and then be kicking around with another girl. It isn't fair to her. There's nothing wrong with the fact that you realise you two just aren't going to make it for the long haul. It's better you and her both know this now after ten months, instead of ten years. The relationship just isn't meeting your needs or doing it for you, that's fine. It doesn't make you an automatic A-hole. You say this other girl has turned your head; which points to the fact that obviously you feel there's a need she will meet or the relationship with her will or may meet, that isn't by your current girlfriend. That is okay. No one should stay in a relationship that doesn't meet their basic needs (which by the way, doesn't mean your partner does EVERYTHING you want and ask, no a need means they satiate your need for security, trust, stability etc .) So, this isn't the right relationship for you and you've figured that out. Let her go, so she can move on and don't make it harder on her by trying to be her "friend" right now. It will only give her false hope and that will be even more damaging and hurtful. Just let her know you have made up your mind and stand firm about it. Expect begging, promises, etc. Expect that you will want to accomodate her out of guilt "okay we can try" but you won't really mean it, so don't even go there. stand FIRM. That is what will be the less painless way vs. giving her false hope about things, and letting her "try" to win you back. That's just going to really add the salt in the wound. Capeche?
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