Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Here comes the thread poster! I guess that's what happens when your unemployed!!! Okay, anyway. I didn't know what section to post this in, as it applies to many different ones. What would you do if you saw your friend getting hit by her boyfriend?
Thaddeus Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I've got a number of female friends (most of them are married) and if I saw one of their husbands or boyfriends raise a hand to them, I'd simply take the guy down. Nobody - and I mean nobody - strikes a woman in my presence and gets away with it. Fortunately, I've never been put in that position with friends.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I think it would be easier for a guy to be in that situation. A girl is a different story.
frustr8ed Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 It's a tricky situation because most likely the woman would defend her man and be pissed at you, at least most stories I have heard about end up like that. I guess for me it would be a have to be in that situation to react to it. I could claim I would do this or that but that is arm chair quarterbacking. I would have to be in that situation to answer this question honestly.
New Again Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Been there, done that with a roommate. I called the police.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Been there, done that with a roommate. I called the police. What happened when the police came?
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I would interfere between the two, yelling for help to any bystanders. If my friend were to turn on me, then I would walk away, making it known with tough love, how dysfunctional the situation was.
Thaddeus Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 It's a tricky situation because most likely the woman would defend her man and be pissed at you, at least most stories I have heard about end up like that.Funny you mention this, because I've seen this dynamic too and never really understood it. In a pub that I used to go to occasionally, I witnessed an altercation between a guy and his gf (at least, I think it was his gf) whereby the guy grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her really, really hard and was yelling at her. She was clearly frightened and upset, but I couldn't tell what he was saying because the music was too loud and I was too far away. Another guy came up behind the fellow shaking the woman and placed his hands firmly on the guy's shoulders to pull him away. In an instant, the girl attacked the fellow that was defending her, clawing at the guy with her nails. Bouncers intervened within a couple of seconds and all three of them were thrown out. I just thought it was very strange why the woman would attack the man who was defending her from another guy.
Star Gazer Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I'd yell, try to physically stop him (if possible), call the cops AND my guy friends. And I'd also assume that my friendship with my friend would be over... until she left him.
New Again Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 What happened when the police came? The whole thing is a bit of a story...but to make it short and get to the point: She refused to press charges, so they couldn't do anything...until her bf started shoving one of the officers and then ran away = he assaulted an officer and "resisted arrest." Now they can charge him. If they find him. Ha. But just to cover our bases I called the landlord, told him what happened, and asked him to state something along the lines of her bf wasn't welcome in the house, so if he came back the landlord could press charges for trespassing. He came back later that night; called the police again and he was arrested. Spent a couple days in jail. Kept saying how sorry he was, blah blah blah. I and some other friends convinced her to get a restraining order...and she did, but it didn't mean anything, because they kept hanging out She wasn't mad at me at all - I think she was too scared for her safety at the time to be mad.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Funny you mention this, because I've seen this dynamic too and never really understood it. In a pub that I used to go to occasionally, I witnessed an altercation between a guy and his gf (at least, I think it was his gf) whereby the guy grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her really, really hard and was yelling at her. She was clearly frightened and upset, but I couldn't tell what he was saying because the music was too loud and I was too far away. Another guy came up behind the fellow shaking the woman and placed his hands firmly on the guy's shoulders to pull him away. In an instant, the girl attacked the fellow that was defending her, clawing at the guy with her nails. Bouncers intervened within a couple of seconds and all three of them were thrown out. I just thought it was very strange why the woman would attack the man who was defending her from another guy. Yeah, that's a common occurance in abusive situations. A lot of the time the battered woman is so brainwashed and scared that she will defend her abuser against anyone who tries to save her (hence the "I walked into a door" claim. That's why it is so hard to break out of those situations.
New Again Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I would interfere between the two, yelling for help to any bystanders. If my friend were to turn on me, then I would walk away, making it known with tough love, how dysfunctional the situation was. I'd yell, try to physically stop him (if possible), call the cops AND my guy friends. And I'd also assume that my friendship with my friend would be over... until she left him. Maybe it depends on the guy and situation, but this is a good way to get your own ass beat. Guys that hit their gfs don't have a problem beating up other girls, especially in the heat of the moment. It can have greater consequences for you AND the gf.
Sweetcheripie Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I would call the police. I would try to get my friend help. Is this a hypothetical or have you actually witnessed a friend being hit?
Star Gazer Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Maybe it depends on the guy and situation, but this is a good way to get your own ass beat. Guys that hit their gfs don't have a problem beating up other girls, especially in the heat of the moment. It can have greater consequences for you AND the gf. I really don't care. If my friend is getting beat, I will be there to defend her...including taking a few slugs of my own. Been there, done that, and I'd do it again.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I would call the police. I would try to get my friend help. Is this a hypothetical or have you actually witnessed a friend being hit? It's a real situation. I want to get some opinions and experiences before explaining.
lupa Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I saw it in a parking lot with a girl I knew. Guy reached into her car and smacked her in the jaw. My friend and I ran over and grabbed him, and the police pulled up. He ran, the police chased... ...and she was back with him later that week.
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Maybe it depends on the guy and situation, but this is a good way to get your own ass beat. Guys that hit their gfs don't have a problem beating up other girls, especially in the heat of the moment. It can have greater consequences for you AND the gf.Yes, I know this could happen and yes, I might get hurt but that's okay, since to me, it's for a worthwhile cause, since she was my friend.
Art_Critic Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 What would you do if you saw your friend getting hit by her boyfriend? I'd simply take the guy down. Fortunately, I've never been put in that position with friends. I would put myself between them and call him out on it and if he comiited real legal DV then I would call the police and be a witness to it. If he chose to get physical I would most likely back off and call the police. I would NOT do as Thad suggests that he would do.. I wouldn't touch the other guy.. If you hit him then you are also guilty of the same thing you would be protecting her from.. DV if you are b/g friends or family members or assault if you aren't that intimate. I would also LATER on the next day or whatever pull her aside and educate her on some of the traits of an abuser or traits that are shown in the Power and Control wheel for DV, then let her make up her own mind if she choses to stay with the guy
New Again Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Yes, I know this could happen and yes, I might get hurt but that's okay, since to me, it's for a worthwhile cause, since she was my friend. Again, maybe it depends on the specific circumstances; but my point is that getting physically involved that way with an angry and abusive person makes the situation worse, both at the time, and also for future consequences. I know someone else who did this (intervened in this way) and had charges pressed - so everyone spent the night in jail, not just the abuser, and everyone had to go to court and be sentenced, not just the abuser, and everyone was found guilty and put on probation and so on, not just the abuser. Everyone being 2 girls and 2 guys. This also made the situation worse for the girl being abused. IMO it's better to get everyone away from the abuser - instead of attacking him, grab the girl and get away from him. This might mean putting your hands on him, or getting in between them (which is what I did), but the point isn't to also be violent, it's to remove her from the situation. If possible, lock yourselves in another room.
Star Gazer Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 It's a real situation. I want to get some opinions and experiences before explaining. Be prepared to lose your friendship with your friend, LB. It sucks, but unless she's got the ovaries to stick up for herself and leave him of her own volition, her decision to remain with him will cause serious tension between the two of you. She'll know that "you know" what she's tolerating, and you won't want to be around to see it continue. It's a very sad situation to be in.
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Again, maybe it depends on the specific circumstances; but my point is that getting physically involved that way with an angry and abusive person makes the situation worse, both at the time, and also for future consequences. I know someone else who did this (intervened in this way) and had charges pressed - so everyone spent the night in jail, not just the abuser, and everyone had to go to court and be sentenced, not just the abuser, and everyone was found guilty and put on probation and so on, not just the abuser. Everyone being 2 girls and 2 guys. This also made the situation worse for the girl being abused. IMO it's better to get everyone away from the abuser - instead of attacking him, grab the girl and get away from him. This might mean putting your hands on him, or getting in between them (which is what I did), but the point isn't to also be violent, it's to remove her from the situation. If possible, lock yourselves in another room.I wouldn't attack him. I would stand in between them and if he were to attack me first, I would fight back.
freestyle Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 My experience: Way back in high school I saw one of my girlfriends with a nasty shiner.I expressed concern to a mutual friend and was overheard by someone else who approached the school counselor.Who then contacted the police and social services, who threatened to take my friend`s baby away if she didn`t get out of the abusive situation. The result?My friend physically attacked me for not minding my own business, and I ended up with a black eye, too!No good deed goes unpunished, huh? Needless to say, I approach these situations very cautiously since that happened................
Hkizzle Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I wouldn't attack him. I would stand in between them and if he were to attack me first, I would fight back. I want to say something funny here, but I know you'll kick my ass......
Trialbyfire Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I want to say something funny here, but I know you'll kick my ass......I didn't take kick boxing just for exercise and aren't a pacificist for a good cause.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I didn't take kick boxing just for exercise and aren't a pacificist for a good cause. Haha, I actually start a women's self defense class on Sept. 23rd! What a perfect time to start!
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