th0997 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Ok. As mentioned in the title, I'm so confused. My rational side has pretty much ran away. Please bear with me, and thank you all very much in advance for any insights you may have. I met a girl late June. I was instantly attracted to her not so much for her looks (she's pretty cute though), but because she was playful. Very easy-going. She's very different from the girls I have met so far who are nice and polite... on eggshells when interacting with me. Mid-July. We both came out and said we were pretty attracted to each other. Later, I talked to her about just being friends. She told me about having met someone, and I got really JEALOUS. After that, I realized my feelings for her were extreme and that I was *needy." So at the time, I thought I should take some time out, because I shouldn't be with any girl being that needy and clingy. She agreed but did say it hurt, and I was hurt, too. That lasted for about a day. Although we had that talk to just be friends and see how things went, we still act like a non-official couple. We don't see other people. We spend our free time together and make time for each other. The things we talk about and how we talk about. She'll send me little messages throughout the day about how she misses me and little cute updates. I do the same. My friends LOVE her. But for some reason, I have this gut feeling like she's doing all these things to keep me around. See. The needy. The insecurity surfaces. the only thing I do not like about her is she talks about other people who she keeps around. So I'm wondering if I'm just not another one of these people who she just keeps around? Other than this, she is truly an amazing girl. Seems to say the right things most times that just blows me away and has me smiling like an idiot. The sex is phenomenol as well. It is great. She's understanding, sweet, nice. When I'm busy, she'll say things like she's happy with whatever time I can give her. NEVER nags! But for some reason, the nagging feeling of her not really liking me is there.
lupa Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I don't think there is enough information there (you're going to have to be more introspective), but it sounds like your insecurity is driving this..?
Author th0997 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 It might be. I'm not exactly sure.
lupa Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Does she flirt with these other people? Does she deal with them differently than she does you, or is it the same?
Island Girl Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 We don't see other people. We spend our free time together and make time for each other. The things we talk about and how we talk about. She'll send me little messages throughout the day about how she misses me and little cute updates. I do the same. Mmmmm kay - she likes you and is building a relationship with you by spending all her time with you and making you an intricate part of her life. But for some reason, I have this gut feeling like she's doing all these things to keep me around. She IS doing these things to keep you around. She likes you. I do things like talk with my husband and pay attention to his needs, etc. because I love him and I want him happy and to stay with me. He does the same thing. Do you think people do irritating things and push people away in order to have successful relationships?? the only thing I do not like about her is she talks about other people who she keeps around. So I'm wondering if I'm just not another one of these people who she just keeps around? But she is not spending time with these other people, she doesn't talk to them all the time or send them sweet little messages, and she certainly isn't sleeping with them. Why are you so focused upon the few things that may be similar instead of the glaring differences??
Author th0997 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I'm afraid she's keeping me around for the wrong reason like not wanting to be alone. She's generally nice & sweet with other people. I'm not with her all the time. I don't know what she does, when I'm not around. She once told me about a guy who liked her, but she didn't like back, but she kept him around. She wouldn't let him go until I told her the dude was stalking me. Yes. The dude was really following me around. There was a time I didn't talk to her, because I was mad at her for kidding with me about finding someone. She immediately went back to that mentioned guy, although she swears she doesn't like him like that. At the same time, she will flirt and be affectionate with me in front of other people. Maybe I am being stupid.
Island Girl Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I'm afraid she's keeping me around for the wrong reason like not wanting to be alone. She's generally nice & sweet with other people. I'm not with her all the time. I don't know what she does, when I'm not around. She once told me about a guy who liked her, but she didn't like back, but she kept him around. She wouldn't let him go until I told her the dude was stalking me. Yes. The dude was really following me around. There was a time I didn't talk to her, because I was mad at her for kidding with me about finding someone. She immediately went back to that mentioned guy, although she swears she doesn't like him like that. At the same time, she will flirt and be affectionate with me in front of other people. Maybe I am being stupid. I think for some reason you want to see a problem where there isn't one. And certainly a confident guy wouldn't be worried about any other guy or see them as "competition" in any way shape or form. You say she spends all of her available time - when you have available time with you. Trust me it is difficult to make someone feel special when your time is monopolized by someone. And she doesn't sound like she'd be a skilled gamer. She sounds like she is genuine -- and if she was gaming -- someone you know would pick up on it and not like her. Yet they all really like her. Maybe you are a commitment phobe? Have you thought about the fact that you seem to have issues in order to get to the bottom of why you are so insecure? Insecurities do not come from outside influences. They are internal and triggered by our own little alarm bells.
Author th0997 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Yeah. You are right. I do try to find fault with this girl. Was only able to find one really. Other than that, she's perfect. Too good to be true. It baffles me that she even puts up with me for this long. Thanks a lot for your input, Island Girl. I really don't know where the insecurity comes from. I'm not like this with other girls I have been with, and maybe that's because my feelings were never as intense with them as they are with her. I may spend some time away from her to figure it out. Because when I'm with her now, I'm always asking her for some kind of reassurance. I hate doing that to her. So break for now or get some distance most likely until I can see where the insecurity stems from.
Paragon Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 So break for now or get some distance most likely until I can see where the insecurity stems from. Another break with her? Her behavior this entire time has been contingent upon YOUR actions. You had a talk and decided to just be friends, even though you acted like an unofficial couple. Until you are together and have set boundaries, you have no right to worry about these things you mentioned (ie her relationships with other guys) since you and her are not exclusive.
boogieboy Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I see what hes saying. He thinks that she isnt deeply into him, but is just using him so she isnt alone. Meaning that he falls for her, but if she finds someone she likes better he gets dropped. I think you can psyche yourself out to not fall for her, find those faults, and keep an objective mind until you know for sure that she isnt using you. I dont know how long youve been having sex with her, but know this... Some people take time to fall in love, some people take time to trust and open up. It might take a month or two for her to confess any love for you, but I see why youre cautious. But you can start having deep conversations with her (not about love) and maybe she will open up a lil more, so you know she really wants to be with you. So dont pull away yet, you CAN still be with her and keep a distance for your protection.
Author th0997 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I see what hes saying. He thinks that she isnt deeply into him, but is just using him so she isnt alone. Meaning that he falls for her, but if she finds someone she likes better he gets dropped. I think you can psyche yourself out to not fall for her, find those faults, and keep an objective mind until you know for sure that she isnt using you. thanks boogieboy. that's exactly how i'm feeling but don't know how to express in words.
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