kimberleah88 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 We are seniors in college. I feel like hes not over his ex. Ill try to be as descriptive as possible. They dated in HS and then again for awhile I guess 2 years ago. I know you'll say "hes with you not her" but he didnt get to choose between us. Im pretty sure she broke up with him. He told someone a month before we started dating that he wasnt sure if he was over her. And Im 100% positive this person isnt lying to me. They started talking again on Facebook right before he asked me out and he was def flirting with her by what he wrote. This stopped right after we started dating but she also got a boyfriend at the time too. When she got dumped awhile after we started dating (this is fuzzy though- I was abroad studying at the time) she emailed him saying "Lets get married if we're single at 28. We can work out our long distance fighting issues" Thats why they broke up I think. She asked him to hang out and he did. He explained himself later, said he couldnt say no and he was being nice. when I said "I dont like if when ur ex gets dumped and she runs to you like oh lets get back together" and he replied "she never asked me to get back together" He said when he saw her he talked about me too. A few weeks after this she messaged him again saying "I got dumped Im depressed whatchu doin?" he said "I am seeing someone" apparently. She got another bf after that. My bf has also mentioned to me that she "gets hit on alot and goes through guys like crazy" He says he hasnt talked to her since this but she wrote on his wall saying "Hey sorry I didnt reply on Twitter I cant figure out how to use it" So he obviously tried to talk to her on there. And it was def when we were together officially too. He responded to this and wrote back on her wall though it was innocent...but he responded to her on it the day after we fought about it. He said "I wont ignore her" when I asked him about it later and told me I was being crazy and retarded. how do I know? his ex is friends with one of my housemates on Facebook. I explained all this in a venting session to this housemate. She thinks my bf is being totally fishy and lets me look at his ex's profile. I have only done it twice though and I feel weird doing it. In response to the "marriage" email he says "she was just being crazy" and to the talking to her on Twitter and flirting with her before we started dating he responds "Im sorry I cant remember every little thing Ive said to her and when" and when I got mad about him writing back on her wall after we fought he said "what do you want me to ignore her? she trusts me. Im being polite" He also has it somehow set on his Facebook that when he posts on her wall it doesnt show up on his NewsFeed. But it does show up whenever he posts on anyone elses' wall. Ive asked him about it, and he really didnt know it did that I think. Somehow when he looks at his profile it says he posted on her wall but it doesnt when I look at his. This is very weird and he says it must be somewhere in his Settings but Im wondering why in the world he has it set up to not show up for her? It bothers me. This is bothering me still I guess, because the other day one of housemmates jokingly asked me "are you in loooooove?" in a cute way and I automatically thought NO inside my head. And the reason why I think I thought like that way is because I really dont trust him due to this situation. My gut tells me he still has feelings for her, and in the past when it comes to guys Im right when it comes to instincts. My first and only other bf who I was with for 1 1/2 years, I was positive he was lying to me about stuff and he denied it continually and told me I was "crazy" too...and I later found out it was all true. I did a Friends With Benefits relationship thing with another guy last fall and he gave me bad feelings also though I didnt have much concrete things to go with...I later found out he never liked me that much, lied about his moral character (he said he never cheated and he did all the time) and most importantly that he has a major porn addiction. So I trust my gut when it comes to things like this but my boyfriend says Im overreacting and just being negative! He is definitely not a jerk to me, he treats me very well and seems to like spending time with me so no complaints there. But Im worried my feelings wont ever escalate to the "love level" because of this. I know you'll say communicate and I know that I should do that- but I cant bring this up again. We've fought about it twice in the same week and then he wanted to drop it. He says he doesnt have feelings for her. The last incident with her Twitter comment was a month ago, I feel like Im waiting for something else to happen. I am 100% sure if she gets dumped again she will do it again...she is def a drama queen and is just playing games with him. But, he is convinced its because she "trusts" him. What do you think?
Paragon Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Relationships can be seen as social alliances, meaning we align ourselves with others. Why? Well, for some sort of value (value is a term user here to encompass a lot of things). What value is your bf getting from his platonic relationship with his ex? Most answers most men will give are unsatisfactory and not enough to justify keeping contact with their exes--problem is, they won't admit it The two of them having contact is akin to playing with fire. It's very easy to cross lines, especially with somebody you once had no lines with. Whether or not they're talking or hanging, both, etc, they are both playing with fire and a lot of the times, you know what can happen. I hope this gives you some insight into the situation. Let us know how you decide to handle it
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