Author Exit Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Well you're still not paying any attention to the fact that we WERE communicating with absolutely no problem for probably 2 months. I can understand ignoring someone means you don't want to talk to someone, I don't need that part spelled out for me, but I don't understand WHY it came about out of nowhere. It's not like I started banging some new chick and my ex caught wind of it and decided I wasn't worth talking to anymore. Just out of nowhere. One second she was reading and responding to my letters, all along knowing that I wanted her back, and then suddenly the cold shoulder. Yes of course I realize I'm "reaching" when I come up with other excuses for her not answering me, and that's why I would love for her to be an adult and tell me that she doesn't want to talk anymore, so I can stop guessing about why. I've asked her before "are you ignoring the letters or just haven't been able to log on?", of course she says "I haven't been able to sign on" (her wireless internet connection is iffy). The last letter she read from me is where I said to her "you want me to go make someone else happy, well can you please talk to me about everything that happened so I can let it go", why would she make THAT the time to stop talking to me. Right when I say ok I'll let it go if we can just talk about it, she bails. I don't get it. Guess I'll just leave it alone.
Author Exit Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Do YOU think you should leave them or delete them? I dunno. I guess I will just leave them. It's my ego wanting to delete them and try to walk away with some sense of dignity, but then I'll always wonder if something in the letters could have meant something to her, so I will leave them for now.
ReturnToSender Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 While it may seem she is being unselfish for not giving you the closure you need...she may think you are being selfish for making her responsible for your needs. You should not need her validation for the achievements you made, they should be for your benefit and growth...a personal victory...what she thinks shouldnt add or take away from the value of that.
Author Exit Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I'm aware of that, I am very proud of what I have accomplished the last few months, it would be nice if it meant something to her but I don't need her approval for it to mean anything. I just want to talk about what happened between us because she let me take all the blame and it made me feel like a very worthless person. But obviously she isn't ready to handle that conversation yet.
ReturnToSender Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Be aware..she may never be ready to have this conversation with you... and you may have to summon up all your courage and strength to get through this on your own. Nothing can be expected out of her...the only expectations you can make are for yourself.
Beeotch Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Be aware..she may never be ready to have this conversation with you... and you may have to summon up all your courage and strength to get through this on your own. Nothing can be expected out of her...the only expectations you can make are for yourself. That's really all there is.... If we could make our exes do what we wanted them to or if we knew the answers to everything then we wouldn't be here...but the first step is accepting we don't, sometimes never will and our duty is to work to that point where we DON'T CARE about their reasoning anymore. Yes she shudda, cudda wudda....but HASN'T. What is next on the agenda?
boogieboy Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Exit your ex knows that if she keeps talking to you that you will NEVER want to stop coming up with reasons that your relationship didnt work. You havent stopped since you came to this forum, and she probably knows how needy you are, and she had to end it at some point. Shes selfish, your reasons have nothing to do with anything she is involved with now. It may help you, but you wore out your welcome and she doesnt want to hear it anymore. She wants to move on to the future, she doesnt want to go backwards. She probably still feels guilty because you cant move on. I think you should go find her and tell her in person. I think youre realistic about what her reaction would be if you showed up at her place....its the same reaction when you send her texts or emails.
Beeotch Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Well you're still not paying any attention to the fact that we WERE communicating with absolutely no problem for probably 2 months. I can understand ignoring someone means you don't want to talk to someone, I don't need that part spelled out for me, but I don't understand WHY it came about out of nowhere. It's not like I started banging some new chick and my ex caught wind of it and decided I wasn't worth talking to anymore. Just out of nowhere. One second she was reading and responding to my letters, all along knowing that I wanted her back, and then suddenly the cold shoulder. Yes of course I realize I'm "reaching" when I come up with other excuses for her not answering me, and that's why I would love for her to be an adult and tell me that she doesn't want to talk anymore, so I can stop guessing about why. I've asked her before "are you ignoring the letters or just haven't been able to log on?", of course she says "I haven't been able to sign on" (her wireless internet connection is iffy). The last letter she read from me is where I said to her "you want me to go make someone else happy, well can you please talk to me about everything that happened so I can let it go", why would she make THAT the time to stop talking to me. Right when I say ok I'll let it go if we can just talk about it, she bails. I don't get it. Guess I'll just leave it alone. Is that supposed to mean something profound? It really does not.... My ex called to tell me he loved me...the next day we broke up. Didn't see that coming. How could that have happened I wondered. After we broke up he asks if we're still going to Miami together as planned, he invites me out, we have sex, he tells me I am so great, he invites me to spend a romantic night with him....that very day I was calling to confirm our plans and he did not pick up the phone then we ended up arguing and he said he fell out of love.....then he starts talking to me again and wants to see me...then he has a new gf..... He has a new gf and now he is inviting himself to see me.... The point I am trying to make is....people DON'T always make sense. One minute something can seem fine and dandy and the next it is not. What exactly occurs to make it happen? Heck if we know...unless they tell us...it is up for grabs. Sooo what can we do? But come to a conclusion about it in our heads and keep ploughing on from there.... Or curse them (when they are not even around to hear it) and constantly wonder why and say how immature they are and lose sleep over what we think they should have done/said/felt.... I personally have come to a place of "Oh well...he has issues...anywaaay!" I still care for him but gone are the days of me wishing he would have done xyz. Life is ALOT easier for me that way. That's just me though...
patkirk Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Unfortunately, people and from experience women are more guilty of this Exit. My ex girlfriend had an Ex that was completely obsessed with her. This guy shed all his dignity and tried everything possible to have her in his life. Now, I adviced her the best thing to do is cut ties with him until he can behave like a friend at least but she wouldn't do it, my guess is she enjoyed the attention and I hated it. He would write, call her crying, volunteer to watch her dogs while her and I went away to enjoy ourselves!? anything to get a piece of attention from her, and it was pathetic. Don't let yourself get to that point Exit because it's possible you're heading that way, my guess is the guy couldn't even see how he was acting but I could and I felt sorry for him, this is after they had broken up for more than a year. Her and I broke up about a month ago, we just stopped talking, till now I never understood what happened, I suspected she was seeing someone else, I loved this girl. I've been on NC for the duration, I noticed I was looking at her facebook page at the beginning of NC, trying to see what she was up to, I wanted badly to talk it out and find some closure because it's hard to move on not knowing what went wrong. I realize that's not gonna happen, so I strapped on my NC belt tight and have been working on myself since. So far it's been a month and a half and I don't even think about her much anymore, I don't care to talk. In retrospect I don't think there's anything she could have told me to better how I was feeling, I'd still be upset and my emotions would probably lead me to try and reconcile. Give yourself some time to recover and I bet you won't care for the communication you're yearning for right now. Before cutting contact with my ex there was a period where we exchanged a massive amount of emails, both of us trying to one up the other, the funny thing is, I didn't want to be the last one to write. So after writing an email, there'd be a period of anxiety wondering what was goin on then she would reply and I'd enjoy a period where I could chose to respond or not. All ego my friend, thats what it boils down to.
Author Exit Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 A lot of responses here still aren't adding up. "She feels guilty because you haven't moved on". Feels so guilty that she decides to ignore me? If she was guilty I'd think the idea of a conversation would sound good to her too because she could alleviate some of her guilt by helping me. You're all trying to tell me WHY she might be doing it... "she wants to focus on the future, she's over me, etc etc etc". I don't care WHAT the reason is, I only care that she hasn't bothered to share that reason with me. She hasn't even acknowledged that we are not talking anymore. When I really press her for an answer I get told "when I have time". I'm fine if the full conversation never happens, I'm fine if I have to finish healing by myself, I would simply like to have her say out loud that we are indeed done talking. We're three pages into this thread and I still don't have a good reason why, if she wants me gone, and I ask her that, she can't send a simple "yes"?? She feels too guilty to say it to me so she ignores me? That makes no sense, she knows the ignoring is tearing me apart.
Author Exit Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Okay, so she'd rather be getting multiple texts from me asking for this conversation, instead of taking the time to send one message and actually tell me whats going on. Makes sense.
NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 No offense...BUT, you're even searching for a glimmer of hope in our, complete strangers, answers to "WHY"..There's going to be ZERO closure from her to you. Not trying to be harsh but, since she won't be, I guess someone needs to...
NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Okay, so she'd rather be getting multiple texts from me asking for this conversation, instead of taking the time to send one message and actually tell me whats going on. Makes sense. I've been ignoring my ex's texts..because I do not want to answer them..YES!
Author Exit Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Well this thread has gone down the drain. You're accusing me of things that totally aren't true. I'm not looking for hope, I'm not looking to get her back. I'm not looking for someone to say "she isn't talking to you because she's busy planning how to dump this guy so she can run back to you". I am simply wondering why, if she is done talking to me, she can't even acknowledge it. It only seems natural that since we did have a period of communicating back and forth, that if she feels it needs to end, she could say so.
Author Exit Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 I've been ignoring my ex's texts..because I do not want to answer them..YES! Well then you're just as immature as my ex. Try telling them that you do not want to talk anymore. Ignoring people sure is classy.
patkirk Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Maybe this might help Exit. I personally have a problem saying no to people, I didn't realize how bad it was until it manifested itself in the worst way possible. There was a time I made the mistake of getting involved with two women at the same time, and for the life of me I couldn't tell either of them that it was over because I felt so guilty and didn't want to hurt someone. But of course just being involved with them like that was already hurting them immensely. I just couldn't gather enough courage to end it, never did, I guess I was hoping one of them would get fed up and call it quits, in fact I was secretly wishing that would happen. This might be the case with your girl Exit, she's probably just can't gather anough courage to tell you what you need to hear. It's a selfish thing, and it's hurting you, I can't imagine how those two felt in my situation but at the time I couldn't see it, wouldn't let myself see it. But I hope you realize it's over between you and her, but she's just too selfish to say it out loud and probably won't. Until I worked out that issue I hated breaking up with someone, avoided it like the plague, so I'd just sabotage the relationship, stop talking, apply some distance until they gave up and I suspect she's doing the same, hoping you'll give up at some point and leave her alone, without having to give you some closure. By the way my ex also had that problem, she was never assertive anough to stave off advances by other guys while we were together, twas one of our biggest problems, her reasoning? she didn't want to be mean is what she said, not realizing she was hurting me in the process.
NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Well then you're just as immature as my ex. Try telling them that you do not want to talk anymore. Ignoring people sure is classy.I did tell her to stop all contact as it was pointless...anyways...Wow! Whatever,bro! You can read my history on here and know thats not the case! I was just trying to help you out,yet again and that's your response? Wow! Just because you ask questions and you're really looking for a pitty party...hmmm..No wonder she's not responding..maybe when you don't get the answer you WANT you go off on a tangent. I'll NO longer respond to your drivel..since you DO NOT respond well to thoughts that don't meet your exact needs at the moment. Maybe you do still have ALOT of maturing to do and she sees that..that better? Thanks for kicking someone trying to help you as you know sh*t about my situation or me as a person..Have fun for the next few years waiting on this 1 girl to respond to myspace messages!
PinkToes Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I hate to say this but it's possible she just got tired of the contact, and was starting to feel that interacting with you was a burden. Even though you felt you were communicating fairly well, it's possible she was just trying to be patient until you got back on your feet. She may have been hoping you would let go on your own, and when you didn't, it started to get on her nerves. That frustration can build up to the point where someone just wants the irritant to go away; she doesn't want to engage anymore, she just wants it to stop. (Not to suggest that you're an irritant, but that may have been the way she felt). As far as she knows, talking to you to rehash what happened won't be the end; there will be something else; another question or request. Even giving you a straight answer could be an invitation for further interaction, so she's pulling the plug.
t0ri Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I get where you're coming from, Exit. In my opinion: she probably is ignoring your texts simply because she doesn't care to respond, AND she's not telling you why she supposedly doesn't want to speak to you anymore because she likes the attention you're giving her. You still pining over her, regardless of whether or not she has a new guy, is feeding her ego. She knows you're still obsessing over her and the ending of your relationship because you're sending text messages and whatever else over and over, without her having to say a word back to you. Some people, like your ex, like the fact that someone they don't want is hung up on them. Ego-boost. How true my opinion is, I have no idea. I'm not her, and nobody else here is either. But I thought I could tell you my thoughts. And the question as to why she started ignoring you "out of nowhere" may never be answered. Nobody knows why she did that. She's not really obligated to explain anything, although that would be the compassionate, decent thing to do. So ya, I think she won't tell you "why," or have that last conversation, because she wants you to stay strung along. She doesn't want to tell you to go away for good, and end all possible communication, because she likes the fact that you're still hung up on her. But eventually, it will really start to irritate her and she WILL tell you to leave her alone... but why wait until you hear her say those words? Will that be the only way you'll believe she wants nothing to do with you? I didn't pester my ex with contact or questions, but the only way I finally believed he wanted me out of his life was when he blatantly told me. I hope you wisen up soon and start healing from this heartless chick.
Island Girl Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Early in the breakup she told me things like "Go make someone else happy" and now I've told her it's hard to do that while I'm still holding all this baggage. You are the one holding on to the baggage. And you do not need her assistance to put it down. You may believe that you do but you don't. I promise you. Okay, so she'd rather be getting multiple texts from me asking for this conversation, instead of taking the time to send one message and actually tell me whats going on. Makes sense. No. She'd rather get no messages from you. But you keep sending them so she keeps deleting them and ignoring you. She is with another man now. For all you know they have made an agreement that she will not communicate with you ever again. Or she just doesn't want to rehash things when she has moved on. Or she feels guilty that you still have not moved on. It could be a multitude of things. None of which help you put down the baggage and move on with your own life. You were special to each other once - you enjoyed each other. But that is over now and you are still clinging to the dead weight. Let go dude! Let it and her go. Her opinion really doesn't matter. You don't need her to tell you that you fixed a bunch of things in your life. She couldn't be counted on to say that anyway.
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I think it's one of two things, 1. she's a coward and can't just tell you outright whats up, or 2. She really just doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Is it fair, NO, but everyone deals with things differently and well it happens... And you letting this eat you up inside, isn't good for you, you need to be happy, I can tell your not. Do you know why? because your spending your time waiting on her, how about this - F*** that girl! if she can't reply to you, you don't need to worry about her... You don't deserve that! If she doesn't want to respond to you - fine! You don't need her lame a$$ empty comments anyway, and I hate to break it to you but thats what they'd be, just a bunch of empty a$$ patting words... Do you really want that?
mimiminx Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Not having closure is the worst.... we all want that. I have to agree, that your incessant asking her to tell you it's over, wanting to talk, is not going to evoke a response that you want to hear, if any. I have to agree with Caramel, she's probably annoyed at this point. If you keep persisting, you may never get it. Her ignoring what you thought was so important and what was a special part of your lives must be so painful... but either she's a coward and immature, or she may be wanting to put it to you in a way that you understand. But really, if she told you straight out (and she has, she is with someone else) that it is over, what more do you expect out of her? By opening up that floodgate by responding to you, she knows it will bring forth many more questions that she just may not want to or be able to answer. I think the best thing anyone can do is communicate your feelings (like you did in the letters, etc) and have the closure YOURSELF even if the other person can't give it to you. I understand that all you're asking for is for her to tell you that she wants you "gone". Imagine someone asking you that question and how hard it would be to respond to it. Do you really want her to say "yes"? She already told you. No answer is often the answer unfortunately.
Zeta4PhiSius Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I wish you folks here would have had this thread a few months ago. It would have saved me a ton of pain, what-ifs, and major screw ups in between. This should be a STICKY!!! :o
NopeNah Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I wish you folks here would have had this thread a year ago. It would have saved me a ton of pain, what-ifs, and major screw ups. This should be a STICKY!!! :o So...How you doing a year later?
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