Refuses to talk, what does that say about her

[Exit]

Okay I know most responses are going to be uninspired "go NC" rhetoric and I understand that, but I'm trying to dig deeper here.

 

It's been 4 months since we broke up. Mixed periods of No Contact, and limited contact through MySpace letters discussing what had torn us apart. At about the 3 month mark I found out she was seeing someone new.

 

I am fairly healed at this point, but due to the abruptness of our split, and the way all the blame got put on my shoulders, I've really been wanting to have a conversation with her and just finally be at peace with everything that happened. I know everyone is going to say I don't need anything from her to move on, and I understand that, but it would still be nice.

 

I've asked her flat out "can we pick a day to talk or just tell me to go away for good" and she simply doesn't respond. You'd think she could be an adult and tell me that we are no longer going to have any contact, instead of just starting to ignore me after months of being civil and having limited contact. It takes three seconds to send a text message.

 

I've told her it's not so much about getting her back, I'm fine if that doesn't happen, the conversation would help me move on. Early in the breakup she told me things like "Go make someone else happy" and now I've told her it's hard to do that while I'm still holding all this baggage.

 

Why the blatant silent treatment? Even a text message that says "I'm getting very serious with my new BF and don't think it's appropriate to talk" would hurt less than this.

 

What kind of person dodges like this? I find it disgusting that she knows a 20 minute conversation could really ease someone else's suffering and she just keeps avoiding it.

 

Most of the letters I've sent her were about the changes and improvements I was making in my life. Not your run-of-the-mill "I'll change for you baby", I really did transform my life after the breakup, I was depressed and antisocial for years and I finally battled my way back. Why can't she just talk to me, acknowledge what I've done, but tell me we still can't be together.

 

Something. Anything. I don't understand this tactic.

[smartGXL]

Hmm, interesting, my ex is exactly the same way. My ex would barely talk to me or give me any release, despite the fact that we work together. She wouldnt give me any communication that would help me move on (we did eventually start talking back and forth via text message and even met for coffee at one point, but even then, she was always vague about things. A week after the cofee date, however, she informed me she now has a boyfriend. Not sure what to make of that).

 

Anyway, when they do this, I think it is two things: Immaturity, and selfishness.

 

It is immature to flat out ignore someone who had a significant part of your life, who just needs to understand things so they can move on. It is cruel tonot give people information to help them understand the situation and understand themselves and to enable them to move on. Anytime I have broken up woth someone, I trierd to give them as much info as they needed, not only to help them understand it is over with, but also to help them understand *why* I ended it. It is just the right hing to do (unless they really did something sh*tty to me, like cheat, then they get nothing from me. Ever).

 

What she is doing, is also selfish, and lazy. It is selfish, because she is getting an ego boost out of the texts and also, she is not returning your texts because it prevents her from completely moving on, so that is a selfish, (although defensive) tactic. It is also laziness, because she isnt willing to invest the mental energy of thinking of something thoughtful to reply with.

 

She might also be afraid to completely tell you to go away, she is wanting to keep you on a string. Dont let that give you any hope tho.

 

So, it sounds to me like your ex is immature, selfish, and lazy.

[NopeNah]

Not to be a di*k...BUT,,,,It's not a "tactic"..She's moved on and obviously is a very selfish person who doesn't care about how you feel. Sucks,bro! Your only only option is to accept the facts: 1. She's not coming back 2. She gives two sh*ts about your feelings 3. It's not her place to "help you move on", that's all on you. The faster you realize this the better off you'll be. She owes and is giving you NOTHING! Yet you've been giving your all to her for the past few months by staying in contact. Let it go, as that's your only life line here. She's GONE!

[kizik]

GXL has a lot of good points.

 

But the issue is not her. The issue is you, Exit.

 

You are not willing to let this thing go. Clearly she does not want to be with you. I feel for you. It is awful. One of the worst things a person can experience, emotionally at least. You have every sympathy from me in the realm of heartbreak.

 

You cannot change someone else or change their mind when they are unwilling or unable to change themselves.

 

You have been saying the same things on here for months. It saddened me today to read this thread. I expected more progress from you and an acceptance of your situation. As long as you are trying to change someone else's mind, you cannot focus on your own.

 

Refuses to talk, what does that say about her? It says she wants you to GO AWAY. I have no doubt that she was equally culpable for the failure of your relationship, but people are free to do whatever they want.

 

You broke up.

 

She does not want to talk to you.

 

Accept it.

 

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made.

 

Appreciate the good times you had.

 

Work on YOU and what you love to do.

 

And if there is nothing you love to do, CREATE something you love to do.

 

But stop living in denial, because you will remain stagnant until the very day you man up and say, "F*ck her, I am my own person, I do not need anyone to make me happy."

 

Because no one CAN make you happy. It's not real. It's fantasy land. You BECOME happy on your own, and get HAPPIER with other people.

[Exit]

Well like I've said in all my other threads, my lack of moving on sure isn't because of lack of effort. I've done my best. Just last night I went to my friends apartment, she went to sleep, and her roommates offered to hang out and watch a movie. The old me would have been uncomfortable and left because the only person I really knew went to sleep, but I decided to stay and make new friends and was there until 4am. But I can't change the fact that as soon as I'm alone, I think about her.

 

I'm not trying to be in denial. It's perfectly fine if she wants nothing to do with me, if she doesn't want to talk, but I'm asking why can't she say so? It would be different if from day one she completely ignored me, and I sat here the entire time in denial, still chasing after her. But we had a long period of communication where everything was fine, writing back and forth on MySpace. At one point I said "this can be the last letter, block me from your page if you want" and she said "no, I'm fine talking this way".

 

She has a few unread letters from me and the last thing I heard from her was "I'll read them when I have time", not "I want nothing to do with you". When I send her a text saying "do you want me gone for good", you're saying she can't type out "yes" and hit Send, because she's over me? That makes no sense.

 

To say "she's moved on, she wants nothing to do with you", I don't completely buy that. If you're completely over someone, if you feel no guilt about what happened, if you're completely happy in your new relationship or new situation, why would you even have an ounce of trouble to sit down and talk to your ex and have one conversation with them. Why would you lack the courage and the confidence to talk to the person you left behind. Acting immature and ignoring someone does NOT send a signal that you're confident with what you've done.

 

I agree with GXL, I could understand something like this in the case of cheating. I could understand completely having the door slammed in my face. But nothing like that happened, it was just a very one-sided breakup. And again, to transition from a period where we were discussing it freely, to suddenly ignoring me, makes no sense.

 

Yeah you're right, the day I say "**** her I don't need her" will be the day I can forget about this. But I don't feel that way about her. I still care about her.

[kizik]

I'm not trying to be in denial.

 

Too bad, because you're in deep, unhealthy denial. And this is not kizik being a d*ck, you really refuse to accept your situation.

 

if she doesn't want to talk, but I'm asking why can't she say so?

 

Because she's a young girl and she enjoys the attention, and she gets off on your undying allegiance towards her. It's SICK.

 

She has a few unread letters from me and the last thing I heard from her was "I'll read them when I have time", not "I want nothing to do with you".

 

That's the same thing, man. She's feeding you some BS, pushing you away, but you're so blind and in denial you refuse to see it. Look at your justifications and delusions on here.

 

If you're completely over someone, if you feel no guilt about what happened, if you're completely happy in your new relationship or new situation, why would you even have an ounce of trouble to sit down and talk to your ex and have one conversation with them.

 

Because she is an attention wh*re, and you are begging her all the time and not being a MAN, and she is very TURNED OFF by you.

 

No one can help you until you make an active CHOICE to let this one go, man.

[NopeNah]

She CAN say all those things.. The problem here is she's chosen NOT to. This is one of the reasons why I stand by NC from the get go. It doesn't give them the choice to decide when they've had enough of you to heal themselves, while the other party still sets around waiting for closure, or to get back together. They get the best of both worlds. They get their new life, plus they get the old life they broke up with to let them off easy and still be there for them while they move on.

[boogieboy]

Exit what you might not seem to get is that trying to get closure is not closure.

 

Its a reason to string yourself along and hang on.

 

You have to NOT need to hear from her, break the string. Trying to keep in touch with her is only delaying your healing, because in your mind, you just want to hang on, not let go.

 

You might not admit to it, but thats what it is. Its the same as looking at her myspace/facebook, pictures, etc. Its all reasons to hang on.

 

Not only that she is not seeing you as pathetic since she wants nothing to do with you. So the more you contact her, the less likely she will respond to you.

 

You have two choices, if you want her to be happy, leave her be.

If you want her to be miserable, keep texting and emailing her while getting no responces. She will feel guilty that you cant get over her. Then she'll block your number and email.

 

Years from now when you find someone else, you will be upset at yourself for trying not to forget about her sooner. Dont waste anymore time on her.

[kizik]

Great BB, you killed another thread

[Beeotch]

I don't think it is a conscious tactic to hurt you, so much as she simply cannot be bothered and for whatever reason has no interest in easing your mind. It is more about her and her feelings. Selfish? Yes...but in the end MOST of us are in some way or other.

 

 

Perhaps she feels as though she has said all she could and nothing new will make a difference.

 

Perhaps she feels guilt therefore would rather avoid/ignore than confront you.

 

Perhaps she feels annoyed and just wants to be done with it all thus the ignoring.

 

Perhaps she has no interest in rehashing the past and would like for you to do the same, but since you won't allow it...she is taking matters into her own hands by ignoring you.

 

People deal with things differently and sometimes it is easy to say well we wouldn't do this or that when truth is, we perhaps would. Not all the time is it because they are malicious but sometimes ppl do not know how to handle situations so make poor choices but it helps them cope...or they think it is making things better for everyone.

 

I get what you are saying about her saying she is serious with her bf, or saying you all cannot speak anymore etc. But are you sure she has not tried to say something to that effect before, it didn't work, you pursued answers anyway so now she has resorted to ignoring? I am not saying it is YOUR fault, I am just trying to make you see why she may do this.

NO ANSWER is an answer...sometimes a more clear answer in fact.

 

I have been guilty of ignoring guys hoping they got the message that I was not interested (not exes, just men trying to date me). This was also after me trying to tell them nicely that I was not interested but they kept calling or kept making suggestive remarks or kept asking me out and kept up...I realized the ONLY WAY I would get peace was to ignore them then they would HAVE TO get the picture sooner or later.

 

For that reason I am very sensitive to no response. It may hurt, it may seem like the worst thing, BUT the point is: that is how that person is choosing to deal with it for various reasons (they have tried other methods and it didn't work, cowardice, incapable of dealing with issues etc). You can't do anything about their choice...so YOU have to make a choice for YOURSELF.

 

When my ex didn't respond to emails/texts.....I realized I had to stop sending them. I rationalized that he is simply a punk and moved on from there. If that is what you have to do: so be it. But it is useless to sit around wondering why....make up a reason, accept the reason and try to live ABOVE it.

[boogieboy]

Great BB, you killed another thread

 

I really Hate it when that happens....

[caramel c]

Listen, dude, I'm sorry to say this but she does NOT feel the same about you as you feel about her, not even close. She feels bad for you. She does not want to tell you to leave her alone or that she doesn't care about you because it will hurt you even more than you already obviously are. Instead, she's hoping you will become exhausted and go away. She is probably nearing the end of her patience, and she might just blow up on you or disappear on you any day now. She may even be discussing with these same people that you both hang out with how to get rid of you. I am a girl, I know what happens in these situations. You are either being pitied or laughed at (or both) by a few people.

 

SAVE YOURSELF BUDDY.

 

And, again, I am sorry to have to be so harsh, but you needed to be told.

[Ronni_W]

if she doesn't want to talk, but I'm asking why can't she say so?

Exit, the thing is that she IS saying so, loudly and clearly. It just appears that you are not open to hearing her or getting the message.

 

Sometimes it takes courage, confidence and maturity to do it the way she's doing it. Maybe she has experience or suspicions that, if she does do it the way you are requesting, then the whole thing will be never-ending.

After all, you're now using the fact that she WAS kind and communicative post-break up to bolster your case that she should or should want to ease your suffering or give you acknowledgment for your changes.

 

Maybe she believes that you won't ever get closure as long as she is in contact with you; that you will just always want/need/request something more from her.

Maybe she knows you well enough to know that your healing/moving forward needs it this way...so that when you do finally hear what she IS saying to you with her silence, then you will be 100% free and clear of all of it.

Maybe she's not just being a heartless bitch.

 

And even if she is: Her silence is still speaking to you...with a resounding roar. Sad as its' message may be to hear.

 

Hugs. It does suck big time.

[Exit]

Well I still don't get it. All the "maybe she has said everything she can and doesn't know what to do", "maybe she doesn't want to rehash the past", then why not save my time and send me a message saying "I've said all I could and I don't know how to help you", or, "I don't want to discuss the past anymore".

 

I'm sorry I just don't understand the ignoring.

 

But fine then, the only question left is that I could delete the letters on MySpace and not give her the satisfaction of reading them whenever she feels like it, or should I leave them alone and tell myself "they meant something when i wrote them, don't change it now". There were some important things in there, new realizations about what happened during the relationship, details about what I've learned, and I'd hate to think she'll never know all that stuff, but at the same time she hasn't cared enough to read it yet. Should I delete or let it be?

[soheartbroken]

This is a really good thread, with some really good reasons suggested for her silence. I loved this post in particular:

 

Anyway, when they do this, I think it is two things: Immaturity, and selfishness.

 

It is immature to flat out ignore someone who had a significant part of your life, who just needs to understand things so they can move on. It is cruel to not give people information to help them understand the situation and understand themselves and to enable them to move on.

 

Exit, I really feel your pain cause I've been reading your posts here and there on other threads. Everyone on LS is just trying to help you out, but some of the stuff that is said is pretty harsh (with good intentions mind you).

 

DO NOT worry about not being over her by now. The questions you are asking and the closure you seek is perfectly legit. You cannot turn off your emotions like a light switch. I know the other posters are just trying to give you a kick in the right direction, but you WILL heal, and you will do it at your own pace, with or WITHOUT the closure.

 

I know where you're coming from because I feel like I have no closure, and my ex basically started to ignore me, forcing us into NC. I am so pissed that she could treat me that way after 5 years together. And she was a coward like your gf, never really coming out and saying that she just needed space...ignoring someone is cowardly unless used as a last resort (kind of like Beeotch was saying).

 

If she doesn't end up responding (and she still might respond, she might just be taking her time about what to say -- this would actually be my guess for the silence), then she is a selfish, immature, coward for letting things end like this.

 

But you're gonna survive either way, response or no response.

[NopeNah]

Because she dose not want to.. or feel the need to explain it anymore. It's been months now. Sure in your/our eyes thats not a lot of time. But, it obviously is plenty in hers. If I were you I would delete the messages. Were you really making these changes for her? Why should she care? Only you should at this point. They WILL NOT bring her back.

[soheartbroken]

Is it torture to be checking if she reads them?

 

I think you'll do whatever feels right. My gut tells me you want to leave them up there. Whatever decision you make will be the right decision for you at this moment.

[NopeNah]

Is it torture to be checking if she reads them?

To me it would be..that would be worse than sending a text and checking your phone all day for a reply. With this he can see that she's not taken the 15 seconds to read them. Exit, you've seen me post around here since you've been here. I'm not trying to be mean or anything but, like Kizik, I'm surprised and saddened to see this post from you tonight. I know we each heal and handle things our own way. How long have these messages been unread?

[Beeotch]

GXL has a lot of good points.

 

But the issue is not her. The issue is you, Exit.

 

You are not willing to let this thing go. Clearly she does not want to be with you. I feel for you. It is awful. One of the worst things a person can experience, emotionally at least. You have every sympathy from me in the realm of heartbreak.

 

You cannot change someone else or change their mind when they are unwilling or unable to change themselves.

 

You have been saying the same things on here for months. It saddened me today to read this thread. I expected more progress from you and an acceptance of your situation. As long as you are trying to change someone else's mind, you cannot focus on your own.

 

Refuses to talk, what does that say about her? It says she wants you to GO AWAY. I have no doubt that she was equally culpable for the failure of your relationship, but people are free to do whatever they want.

 

You broke up.

 

She does not want to talk to you.

 

Accept it.

 

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made.

 

Appreciate the good times you had.

 

Work on YOU and what you love to do.

 

And if there is nothing you love to do, CREATE something you love to do.

 

But stop living in denial, because you will remain stagnant until the very day you man up and say, "F*ck her, I am my own person, I do not need anyone to make me happy."

 

Because no one CAN make you happy. It's not real. It's fantasy land. You BECOME happy on your own, and get HAPPIER with other people.

 

Agree...tough pill but the absolute truth.

 

I think I am less harsh than most people here and I actually try to listen to situations and not just dole out the NC/get-over it pill in a dry manner.

 

But as far as Exit goes....the tough pill is the ONLY pill. I came on this site and saw him here and from that day until now...which has been months and months, I have made a lot more progress than he has, to where I am about 95% healed. I understand situations and ppl are different but it seems to me there has been NO GROWTH, but he has been saying the SAME exact thing time and time again and is adamant and stubborn about not letting go. For the first few months this is expected....but it has been quite some time and there seems to be no "AHA!" moment.....

 

Exit...you are clearly a smart individual but that doesn't make you immune to folly and denial. I definitely try to be more compassionate than some posters who can't wait to say "It's over fool, get over it!"....as I KNOW how hard it is and that it is not that easy or else NO ONE would be here. But one has to be ready and willing to realize when they are not making progress and why and then one has to take a stand for one's self, happiness and dignity.

 

This woman SHOULD do this that and the third, but she ISN'T and HAS NOT BEEN since I have seen you post. Do you want to still be talking about this 2 years from now? You CANNOT continue to worry about her character, what is wrong with her...but see where YOU need to take charge. In the same way you have NO CONTROL over the rising and setting of the sun...it is in the SAME way you have no control over her. So what can you do? But do you...and try to find a way to make yourself get closure OUTSIDE of her. Pretend as if she is dead and gone forever and cannot possibly give you closure if you have to....but she really doesn't owe you a thing. It would be nice and polite if she did sit down and talk tings through...but she doesn't have to and that seems to be what she is choosing so you either say "FINE!" and take power in doing you....or keep texting, calling, IMing, you can try stalking, etc.

[Beeotch]

Listen, dude, I'm sorry to say this but she does NOT feel the same about you as you feel about her, not even close. She feels bad for you. She does not want to tell you to leave her alone or that she doesn't care about you because it will hurt you even more than you already obviously are. Instead, she's hoping you will become exhausted and go away. She is probably nearing the end of her patience, and she might just blow up on you or disappear on you any day now. She may even be discussing with these same people that you both hang out with how to get rid of you. I am a girl, I know what happens in these situations. You are either being pitied or laughed at (or both) by a few people.

SAVE YOURSELF BUDDY.

 

And, again, I am sorry to have to be so harsh, but you needed to be told.

 

Terrible but true.

 

My pride has also helped me ALOT in getting over this in that just the thought of my ex and his friends or new girl discussing me in a pitiful or joking manner and perhaps him bragging that I am so inlove with him and all this....ughhhh! That thought alone sickens me.

 

I doubt he would do this...but just imagining that after a while I would be reduced to a joke or a pity case....made me clean up my act and decide OH HELLLL NO he would not see me me sweat! I will talk about it to my bestfriend and sister and to you all and in journals but I WILL NOT allow him to have any dirt on me or to get wind that I am still torn up and upset. Hellll no!

[NopeNah]

Agree...tough pill but the absolute truth.

 

I think I am less harsh than most people here and I actually try to listen to situations and not just dole out the NC/get-over it pill in a dry manner.

 

But as far as Exit goes....the tough pill is the ONLY pill. I came on this site and saw him here and from that day until now...which has been months and months, I have made a lot more progress than he has, to where I am about 95% healed. I understand situations and ppl are different but it seems to me there has been NO GROWTH, but he has been saying the SAME exact thing time and time again and is adamant and stubborn about not letting go. For the first few months this is expected....but it has been quite some time and there seems to be no "AHA!" moment.....

 

Exit...you are clearly a smart individual but that doesn't make you immune to folly and denial. I definitely try to be more compassionate than some posters who can't wait to say "It's over fool, get over it!"....as I KNOW how hard it is and that it is not that easy or else NO ONE would be here. But one has to be ready and willing to realize when they are not making progress and why and then one has to take a stand for one's self, happiness and dignity.

 

This woman SHOULD do this that and the third, but she ISN'T and HAS NOT BEEN since I have seen you post. Do you want to still be talking about this 2 years from now? You CANNOT continue to worry about her character, what is wrong with her...but see where YOU need to take charge. In the same way you have NO CONTROL over the rising and setting of the sun...it is in the SAME way you have no control over her. So what can you do? But do you...and try to find a way to make yourself get closure OUTSIDE of her. Pretend as if she is dead and gone forever and cannot possibly give you closure if you have to....but she really doesn't owe you a thing. It would be nice and polite if she did sit down and talk tings through...but she doesn't have to and that seems to be what she is choosing so you either say "FINE!" and take power in doing you....or keep texting, calling, IMing, you can try stalking, etc.

Very well said!!

[Beeotch]

Well like I've said in all my other threads, my lack of moving on sure isn't because of lack of effort. I've done my best. Just last night I went to my friends apartment, she went to sleep, and her roommates offered to hang out and watch a movie. The old me would have been uncomfortable and left because the only person I really knew went to sleep, but I decided to stay and make new friends and was there until 4am. But I can't change the fact that as soon as I'm alone, I think about her.

 

I'm not trying to be in denial. It's perfectly fine if she wants nothing to do with me, if she doesn't want to talk, but I'm asking why can't she say so? It would be different if from day one she completely ignored me, and I sat here the entire time in denial, still chasing after her. But we had a long period of communication where everything was fine, writing back and forth on MySpace. At one point I said "this can be the last letter, block me from your page if you want" and she said "no, I'm fine talking this way".

 

She has a few unread letters from me and the last thing I heard from her was "I'll read them when I have time", not "I want nothing to do with you". When I send her a text saying "do you want me gone for good", you're saying she can't type out "yes" and hit Send, because she's over me? That makes no sense.

 

To say "she's moved on, she wants nothing to do with you", I don't completely buy that. If you're completely over someone, if you feel no guilt about what happened, if you're completely happy in your new relationship or new situation, why would you even have an ounce of trouble to sit down and talk to your ex and have one conversation with them. Why would you lack the courage and the confidence to talk to the person you left behind. Acting immature and ignoring someone does NOT send a signal that you're confident with what you've done.

 

I agree with GXL, I could understand something like this in the case of cheating. I could understand completely having the door slammed in my face. But nothing like that happened, it was just a very one-sided breakup. And again, to transition from a period where we were discussing it freely, to suddenly ignoring me, makes no sense.

 

Yeah you're right, the day I say "**** her I don't need her" will be the day I can forget about this. But I don't feel that way about her. I still care about her.

 

Exit...you are not an idiot. Someone should not have to actually spell out the words "GO AWAY MAWFACKER!" for you to get it....

 

Being as keen as you APPEAR....it seems that someone ignoring you is also a fundamental way of saying they wish not to speak about things thus leave it alone. I understrand that people do not always say what they mean and there are nuances and all this...trust me...I do not see the world in black and white and know there are gray areas, as with my ex, he is not straightforward at all and explaining things about him to others doesn't always work as I KNOW him and I know what certain things mean for him...and it may not be obvious to someone else. BUT even then I try to take him at his words and actions...even if I THINK he is lying...I have to leave it to HIM to be forthright. I let HIM contradict himself. For you...it is the same. She has been giving you a CLEAR message and I doubt you have reasons to think otherwise...so take her for her word and if things change...SHE'LL let you know. But do not ignore her clear hints....

 

If you have a new man and all this...your last interest is rehashing the past with your ex. It is not hard to believe. If you are trying to move forward the LAST thing you need is to be going over your past. You are excited about the novelty and the fun times you are not interested in painful memories and serious talks.

 

Her lack of speaking with you DOESN'T have to be about lack of confidence...but plain ol' not wanting to be bothered. That is also a very logical conclusion. Esp if she has has already made it clear she doesn't want the relationship....she may very well feel like there is nothing more to be said.

 

When guys I do not wish to speak to continue pursuing me after I have told them I am not interested....I ignore them. It is not about regret or not being confident it is simply getting this annoying mosquito awaaaaaaaaaay from me so I can have some peace! Ignoring works FOR ME...because I get to live MY LIFE. Just like NC...it works because I get to do me and not have to worry about my ex. Sometimes when you give a reason people try to argue you down about the reason cuss you out or plain and simple STILL DON'T GET IT (talking from my experience with persistent men) so I find it is best to ignore. Out of sight and out of mind! I have no clue if they cry at nights or care...but I sure know once I start ignoring it helps ME not to be bothered so I do it.

 

Anyway......I think we have all realized that some MIRACLE has to occur before you stop so hopefully one does occur for your sake. It seems that you would rather ignore the clear hints....almost like you are on Wheel of Fortune and there is only ONE letter missing but you are still insisting you cannot solve the puzzle. So if being ignored is not enough but you want her to actually call you up to tell you she is ignoring you... ummm...welllll I hope it happens so you can get closure. Although I do sort of feel like even if she did say "Hey we can't talk anymore"...you would further go on to analyze that as her not being over it and would continue trying to speak to her.

[Exit]

Sorry but "clear hint" and ignoring someone just doesn't go together in my mind. There is nothing clear about ignoring someone. I can sit here and think "her phone is dead", "she still thinks about getting back with me and doesn't want to tell me to go away completely", "her new relationship can't be that great or she'd have no problem rubbing it in my face instead of staying silent"..... there isn't much clarity that results from ignoring someone, just confusion. Like I said, maybe it would be a clear hint if she handled it that way from day 1, but the fact that there was some silent transition from talking to each other and discussing our relationship, to suddenly ignoring each other, is not clear at all.

 

A big part of me wants to delete the remaining MySpace messages because she obviously isn't too concerned about reading them, but I do want to leave them and just let it be, let her read them if she ever wants to... I don't know.

 

There is a clear division here in the responses I am getting, I can tell immediately which members here have ever been in my shoes and who hasn't. Not that that's a "fault" of anyones, I appreciate each and every response, but some people are getting where I'm coming from.

 

I've said it in other threads, I think my discovery of the "positive thinking" movement has been a curse on me in this situation, when I sit here and imagine her in bed with another guy I think "no, no reason to sit here and think that, for all I know she's sitting at home writing a paper." Or "oh they've been together for a month now, but it doesn't mean she might not come back". This denial that some people are accusing me of is actually thanks to "positive thinking".

 

Clearly all this means is that she hasn't changed a bit. Our relationship fell apart because she couldn't communicate about what was going wrong, and now the post break-up is not going any smoother because of her habits of dodging and avoiding. I wish that in itself was enough to stop caring about her, but I still love her with all her faults.

 

I have had a very "spotty" recovery. I have had days when I feel amazing, when I get excited about my life and my future, but then I wake up the next day and feel like I'm back at the beginning. I don't know how to hang onto the feelings I have during the good days and make them last.

 

Any more opinions on deleting or leaving the letters for her?

[NopeNah]

Do YOU think you should leave them or delete them?

[Beeotch]

Sorry but "clear hint" and ignoring someone just doesn't go together in my mind. There is nothing clear about ignoring someone. I can sit here and think "her phone is dead", "she still thinks about getting back with me and doesn't want to tell me to go away completely", "her new relationship can't be that great or she'd have no problem rubbing it in my face instead of staying silent"..... there isn't much clarity that results from ignoring someone, just confusion. Like I said, maybe it would be a clear hint if she handled it that way from day 1, but the fact that there was some silent transition from talking to each other and discussing our relationship, to suddenly ignoring each other, is not clear at all.

 

A big part of me wants to delete the remaining MySpace messages because she obviously isn't too concerned about reading them, but I do want to leave them and just let it be, let her read them if she ever wants to... I don't know.

 

There is a clear division here in the responses I am getting, I can tell immediately which members here have ever been in my shoes and who hasn't. Not that that's a "fault" of anyones, I appreciate each and every response, but some people are getting where I'm coming from.

 

I've said it in other threads, I think my discovery of the "positive thinking" movement has been a curse on me in this situation, when I sit here and imagine her in bed with another guy I think "no, no reason to sit here and think that, for all I know she's sitting at home writing a paper." Or "oh they've been together for a month now, but it doesn't mean she might not come back". This denial that some people are accusing me of is actually thanks to "positive thinking".

 

Clearly all this means is that she hasn't changed a bit. Our relationship fell apart because she couldn't communicate about what was going wrong, and now the post break-up is not going any smoother because of her habits of dodging and avoiding. I wish that in itself was enough to stop caring about her, but I still love her with all her faults.

 

I have had a very "spotty" recovery. I have had days when I feel amazing, when I get excited about my life and my future, but then I wake up the next day and feel like I'm back at the beginning. I don't know how to hang onto the feelings I have during the good days and make them last.

 

Any more opinions on deleting or leaving the letters for her?

 

 

U do realize it takes A LOT more work to think about all those other scenarios than it does to simply think you are being ignored right?

 

You DO realize you are reaching?

 

You DO realize it is "not clear" because you want it to be unclear.

 

 

I do not know what type of job you have or how you survive in this world if you cannot read clues/hints. If EVERYTHING has to be spelled out or if you ignore the obvious to reach for a plethora of unlikely scenarios...

 

 

Ok Exit...I am sure her phone has been off for weeks, or maybe she has been abducted by aliens, or every time u texted or called she was asleep, etc. The list can go on to infinity....

 

 

The truth is: yes unless our exes actually spell out their feelings, we have NO clue. Which is why the point is: TAKE IT FOR WHAT IT MOST LIKELY SEEMS TO BE. OFCOURSE I think some of what my ex says and does are not entirely true and he feels differently...but I reserve those thoughts as possibilities and not make them my focus. I focus on what seems to be: he has a gf (albeit a seemingly very fake relationship) and has not said in any certain terms he wants me back (although this Saturday night at 11 pm, although he has a gf he invited himself to hang out with me and we have not seen each other since May and the vibe that was there was like a first date type of vibe). Ofcourse those clues seem like HUGE hints that he is not over me and does not like this new girl and all that (which could very well be the case)....but I leave those thoughts and possiblities on the back burner. Until HE comes forward and is explicit....I REFUSE to be lead on as they could also mean something totally different, so I CHOOSE the route that will protect me. So what I do think on and what I do ACT on esp is: he has a girl, he has not said he wants me. The end.

 

 

If someone says "Go make someone else happy" PLUS they have a new boyfriend PLUS they are ignoring you......you can either a) take it as they have moved on and do the same and IF it should change well so be it but THEY will come knocking OR b) Take all those as uncertainties and sit around going through millions of permutations of what could be and never really knowing what it is and be stuck in limbo indefinitely.

 

Whichever sounds nicer and smarter to you.....go with it. Goodluck!