steelfist9 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Since the last time I logged on this site, I've gotten back togeter with my girlfriend but there is something I'd like to get your opinion on. My girlfriend is 30 with two kids and I'm 25 with no kids. We work the same job at night, but I have another job in the day that earns sometimes double what we earn at our night job. The issue is that I am a young and have many dreams and aspirations and she is older and is tied down with two kids and seems to be content with her life. Back when we were living together she had a problem with me going out as much and not being rooted in the family life that she wanted. Keep in mind that I was the youngest in my family and have never been in a situation where I played the father role to anyone. She wanted me to stay at home more and be this family man, but my problem was that I had not yet branched out in my life and done the things I wanted to do. She felt like I was not commited to a long term family life and that she was going to lose me because of her kids and so she moved out of our place. Now, that we've gotten back together everything has been better than it evre has. But now, the same issues are resurfacing. We have not involved the kids back in our relationship yet, but she has been really clingy to me now, more so than before. She calls me nearly every hour that I'm awake and she always wants to do things together. Now, I don't mind the attention, because I love her, but I don't have enough time for myself and don't have enough time to grow. I was called selfish by her parents and her soon to be ex husband, whom she left me for, when she told them how I was back when we lived together. My question is, was it wrong for me to want to be alone, away from her and the kids , branch out and want to have my own personal time?
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 selfish or not, is immaterial. The fact you felt like this then, and feel like it now, is an indication of the fact that this kind of relationship is not for you, right now. You may well want to settle down and have children of your own at some future point. But not now. And not with her. Because by the time you are truly ready for fatherhood, and all the responsibility that requires - she will probably be past childbearing age. if you really feel restless and uncomfortable, it's not going to get better. you are going to end up feeling more frustrated and resentful, in the long run. You need to be fair - to her and to yourself. End it - and don't pick it up a third time. Because much as you may love her now, I fear it's not something that can last, due to the fact that your heart wasn't in it then, and it's not in it now.
Author steelfist9 Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 It's more than a third time. We've broken up and gotten back together maybe more than 6 times. I understand what you are saying, but I think I am going to just do the things I want to do and if she can't support than or understand, then it wont work. The true test is when we live together again and involve the kids back in the relationship. Like I said, I don't mind the attention, but I can barely get things done during the day because we talk so much. Worst of all, she cried today when I told her I had to get off the phone and leave.
Goatsbreath Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 to me it does not seem wrong for you to want those things but it's not wrong for her to want a strong supportive family oriented man. Seems like the two of you are just in different stages of your life. Will compromise work? Hmm, I don't know, seems unfair for you to compromise on your dreams and aspirations but it also seems unfair for her to compromise in her desired partner. Sometimes, everything is timing
TaraMaiden Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Then I'm sorry steel, but I think you need to call it quits.... you're feeding a need in each other for companionship and sex, maybe, but it's not working in other areas - areas which are extremely important to both of you. I think you need to be honest with her, because she honestly needs you - but you're not really all there for her, are you? And she knows this, and clings harder. She's extremely insecure now, precisely because of all this bouncing back and forth.... as I see it.... Could be wrong.... but certainly this break up/make up continuous vicious cycle is unhealthy.
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