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She has a boyfriend, not sure how to handle from here


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Posted

I will try to keep this short and to the point. I am 25, and met this girl a couple months ago in planned summer share. Really two groups of friends meeting together, a couple of mine and a crew of her and her friends. We hit it off instantly, actually I seemed to hit it off with all of them. My friends instantly noticed something was going on and can attest that it was not from my end, but mutual. Now here is the rub, she has a serious boyfriend of 3 years. I have met him, they are very much together but come off more as friends than a couple. When I am there, she spends more time with me than him. He just went away to graduate school for 4 years halfway across the country 3 weeks ago. Since then I have talked to her more often, but not about him or any ‘shoulder to cry on’ type stuff. About a week and a half ago, we met up and I decided to come out with the truth about how I feel. It was a bit awkward, as expected, but we still hung out for a half hour afterwords. That was the last I talked to her. I tried to reach out yesterday, but got no response, and her friends seem much more distant now. I think the message got a little mixed up when we spoke, like maybe she thought I was blatantly hitting on her, when the truth is I only wanted to be upfront and honest with her. I would not cheat, nor would let her cheat. I am not really sure what to do now. Any suggestions? My only thought is to let it sit for a little while longer then shoot her an email kind of explaining what I was trying to say that night and leave it with her. If I do that, how long should I wait until sending the e-mail? Any better ideas on how to play this (forget and move on is not an answer I am looking for)? Not only does it suck losing her (even more than I thought it would, which is saying a lot), I am also losing a group of pretty fun friends

Posted

I understand where you're coming from but this is exactly why boyfriends trip on their girls for having guy friends. It is almost impossible for the "guy friend" to not develope desires to be "more than friends" and jump at the first chance to come on to them when you are in a fight with your girl or go away for a while. Just put yourself in her boyfriends shoes, he knows you he was obviously cool with you be friendly to his girlfriend. He goes off to try and make something of himself but unfortunately to do so he had to leave his girl behind for a while. They we're obviously in love enough to try and make it work despite the 4 years apart, but as soon as he leaves you decide to step up and try and take her away from him. Maybe you didn't tell/ask her to leave her boyfriend specifically but you pretty much did by telling her how you felt. Sometimes you develope feelings for someone but that's all it can ever be and you just need to accept that. Not go around trying to destroy peoples relationships.

 

If she didn't give you any indication that she was going to have a hard time dealing with the distance between her and her boyfriend and she hasn't really talked to you since you broke down and told her how you feel then seriously just leave it alone. For her boyfriends sake and every other guy that has a girlfriend.

 

Yes I know it is a tough pill to swallow and I wish you the best but if she was interested she would of let you know by now.

Posted

SHe was never interested in you, otherwise she would have made something happen already. Thats why her and her friends backed off once you spoke your mind. SHe wanted your time and attention for as long as she could get it until you dropped the bomb on her. So cut your losses and dont send her anything. Move on to a new girl.

Posted

What exactly did you hope would happen when you told her you were interested?

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