jnj express Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 As a betrayed spouse, when you get the visions of your spouse f***ing another is there any difference tween one time only, or repeated. Either vision changes your life, and the life of your kids, if they exist, forever. ONS may have just been due to alcohol, or some other problem, but the Wayward spouse knew in both cases they were violating their wedding vows, and they obviously didn't care about their married partner or their kids at the time they were spreading their legs. Long term may be somewhat worse, but both drive a dagger thru the heart of a mge.
Snowflower Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 As a betrayed spouse, when you get the visions of your spouse f***ing another is there any difference tween one time only, or repeated. Either vision changes your life, and the life of your kids, if they exist, forever. ONS may have just been due to alcohol, or some other problem, but the Wayward spouse knew in both cases they were violating their wedding vows, and they obviously didn't care about their married partner or their kids at the time they were spreading their legs. Long term may be somewhat worse, but both drive a dagger thru the heart of a mge. I tend to agree that by thinking your experience with infidelity is unique or somehow different, that it isn't as bad somehow. Perhaps that is how BS come to terms with what happened. But the thing is, every infidelity is unique...just like every spouse (BS and WS) and every marriage. I have yet to read of an infidelity story here or anywhere else that sounds JUST like my own experience. So, there is some validity in thinking that the betrayal/infidelity that I have experienced is somehow not as bad as some I have heard about/read about. The example quoted above somewhat is like my own experience with my husband's infidelity. He was drunk, it was a one-time PA, (yes, I can believe him based on what was going on in our lives at the time). Does it make his infidelity any less because of these circumstances, ummm...absolutely not. It hurt me so badly. But, I can look at the context of how it happened and take that into consideration. And the fact that my husband felt disgusted enough by that one time to never repeat his bad choice. That says something at least to ME...I would have questioned his sincerity if he had 'kept going back for more.' Instead, one time was enough for him to realize what he was doing was wrong. I give my husband a lot of credit for realizing he had made a bad choice and trying to do the right thing from that point. Yes, he screwed up in big way...it hurt me badly and nearly destroyed our marriage. And the end result is the same: betrayal of our marriage, but it isn't as bad as it could have been. I'm probably seriously rationalizing but this works for ME.
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