Best thing to do with old momentos or sentimental items when in a new relationship

[loveslife]

Actually she seemed very mature and stable before I married her. During our first few months together, she actually encouraged me to mend things with my ex-wife and expressed interest in meeting her.

 

How long did you know each other before you got married?

 

How long did you know each other before she started flipping out?

[LakesideDream]

It's pretty easy. Before moving in together put them in a nice box with a lock, (buy one if necessary, it's cheap), and store them, give them to a close reletive for safe keeping, or just put them in the closet.

 

Those things belong to you. If you value them, and don't wish to share, it's your business alone. If a prospective spouse or mate can't handle that, look for another prospective mate.

 

Anyone without the maturity to understand your boundries isn't mature enough to share themselves in a serious relationship.

[2sunny]

Lake - they are married.

 

Ger - i am wondering why it is so important to hold on to this woman when she is impacting for life with this in such a heavy handed manner. what do you gain by staying with her when you know deep down this is an unhealthy approach for both of you?

 

are you so afraid to be alone that you are willing to tolerate this kind of twisted control from her?

 

 

in your prior thread you received the same answers and dismissed the same advice - now you are asking again... what are YOU willing to do to change this - knowing that it is likely that SHE will not change.

[loveslife]

This is a really bad situation for the guy. This woman is obviously abusive. His response of wanting to try and keep the peace, walk on eggshells, etc. is very typical for someone in his situation.

 

He hasn't yet fully absorbed what he's gotten himself into. It doesn't seem like she's even aware of how horrible her behavior is.

 

It's easy for us to say he should get divorced but he's committed to her.

 

Chances are though if she can't even admit she has a problem, it's only going to escalate. This is just the beginning, sorry to say. This is her real personality.

[loveslife]

I guess I should state that the above is just based on my experience and observations. We don't know the OP or his wife. Obviously.

[Gerhard]

I'm sorry but keeping the photos out for display feels a little like 'Big Love' to me. In what situation would any spouse want to see photos (on display) of their spouse with a former spouse? If you need these items I have to wonder why you didn't keep them to yourself to begin with? Boxed up and stored at a family member's home ... for example. My husband has been married before... this is my first marriage. Trust me. If he wanted to display photos of him, his ex-wife and his champion mastiffs I'd throw a fit. Put this in perspective. Where does one draw the line? Okay a trip to Paris with a former lover... hey, keep that photo out because that's where so and so first learned about Monet... or had their first croissant. While you are getting advice from many anonymous posters... not all of them are married people. Some are single (never married), OW, OM, etc... so advice really may not be germane.

I don't keep the photos out on display, nor have I ever suggested I wanted to. She snooped through boxes and computer files, found old photos and demanded I throw them away.