sexiiladii68 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I had been with my boyfriend since March of 2008. We moved in together very shortly afterwards due to a LDR that we didn't want to do anymore. I live in Mass., he lived in NC, where I am originally from. Well in March of 2009 we got engaged. I have two children, he seemed to love them so much, in fact even saying he wanted to adopt them after we got married. Since neither of us has friends in MA we were always together, always doing things as a family with the kids. We went home to NC for a visit in August. After a week there, I broke up with him. We had been fighting for months off and on in MA but always staying together. After these fights, he would always beg me to stay with him and so we would because I truly loved him. Well after breaking up with him in NC, he completely stopped calling except for two times when he called me late at night (LIKE A BOOTY CALL!!!!). After hooking up with him those two times, he would never call me. He didn't even come say goodbye to me and the kids before we came home to MA. My parents drove up so they could pack all his stuff and take it back to him. Since I have been home (two weeks on Sunday), he has only called me once and it was late night, when he was drunk. During this call however, he was telling me how much he loved me, and how much this hurts him. I found out a couple of days ago that he had been to a strip club and supposedly is "Back in love" according to his sister's friend. I called him (I know, what a mistake) to question him about this. He says yes, he went to the club but not in love with anyone and furthermore, that he has not even seen anyone. We have now been broken up since Aug 6th. He has not tried to call me except for those few occasions. I am so heartbroken over him and think about him constantly. I don't understand how he could just stop talking to us (me and the kids) like this, and just keep living his life like our love never happened. Someone please clue me in and help!!!!
hoping2heal Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 So, you broke up with him. Not because you wanted the relationship to end, but because you wanted to manipulate him and get a certain reaction. So you hurt him, for no other reason than that. Now, YOU are upset because he hasn't come running to you? I don't get it..
Author sexiiladii68 Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Nooooooooo that is not it at all. Lemme put in some more about our relationship. He has been very immature throughout and having trust issues. I have NEVER cheated on him or given him any reason not to trust me. However, due to some personal issues on his behalf, he does not trust anyone. I never had any friends when I was with him. I couldn't even talk on the phone to my best friends in NC because when I was on the phone he would get jealous and start acting stupid like talking loud, or turning the tv really loud. He always wanted my attention on HIM. I treated him very well, just like a woman should treat her man. I picked up his clothes, washed them, made his dinner (and I'm talking about COOKED, an entree with three sides, bread and a salad!), fixed his plate, gave him whatever he wanted in the bedroom, everything!! Everything he wanted me to do, I did. I was sick of fighting with him because of the trust issues and everything else. I guess when I broke up with him, I thought he would realize that and change. But he didn't. So now I guess I became the dumpee in a way. Now I don't know how to cope. I just don't understand how he could give up on our family that way, after everything we had been to each other.
conehead Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 So, you broke up with him. Not because you wanted the relationship to end, but because you wanted to manipulate him and get a certain reaction. So you hurt him, for no other reason than that. Now, YOU are upset because he hasn't come running to you? I don't get it.. I agree with H2H. I think your bf is probably just done with all your manipulation. You should never breakup with someone just to get his reaction.
Author sexiiladii68 Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 It was never meant as a manipulation tactic. After thinking it through more, yes, I did want a reaction. But I wanted him to change. So is it because he didn't love me enough to change??? And there was never "all your manipulation". Many of the fights and reconcilliations we had was due to manipulation on his part. He would always tell me he was going to change but in a few days, went right back to his jealousy and verbal abuse. I was the one trying to please him and believing everything he always told me.
soheartbroken Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Honestly, it sounds like he is going NC with you to get you back. Maybe he found a forum like LoveShack.
conehead Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Honestly, it sounds like he is going NC with you to get you back. Maybe he found a forum like LoveShack. :laugh:
Lishy Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 He is verbally abusive, does not trust you, treats you like a slave .... remind me why you want him back? Accept who he is or move on, people do not change!
Author sexiiladii68 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 You're right Lishy..thanks for reminding me! It just gets a lil hard cuz I'm lonely up here..but I should move on..I've felt a little better throughout the night! :-)
ReturnToSender Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Yeah, I hope this doesnt sound insensitive but....on reading your second post where you talk about how he behaved and treated you... Id say you got a pretty sweet deal out of him staying in NC. I can understand that you love him and miss having him with you, but on the flip, you dont have all of that to deal with anymore. If you were happy and your relationship wasnt worth the risk of losing...you wouldnt have kept breaking up with him over and again.
boogieboy Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Yeah hes doing you a favor by not contacting you. Youre just lonely. If you are broken up, theres no reason for you to be talking to each other unless youre going to get back together. Since you were breaking the cardinal rule of being with people, which is trying to make them change, and it never works, its a lost cause. No one changes. Get a guy that will treat you right, and dont keep wondering why he doesnt contact you just because youre lonely up there. Let him move on.
Lishy Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 You will move on an d watch him come and beg you back Men like this will never change, if you are happy being his little servant then take him back, but ask yourself are you worth more?
Author sexiiladii68 Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Damn straight lol!!!! BTW, having a FABULOUS day! Hope everyone else is too! Thanks for all the reminders WHY I didn't want to be with him anymore. LOL, even though I basically paraphrased it myself!!!
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