loadofhoopla Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 My boyfriend has been with 17 women before me, including 2 threesomes. I have been with 3 men before, including him. I am 23, he is 25. He has stayed friends with everyone that he has fooled around with, and I can tell a lot of them have crushes on him. I was in a long-term relationship before him and I feel like it almost is not fair that he has been with so many people. He does not regret any of it, which is understandable. It just hurts because I have met some of the women and all I do is picture them together. I am afraid to even look at pictures on his facebook page from before we were together. I have before, but I feel like I just torture myself with pictures of him and another beautiful woman laughing together, and knowing that at some point they hooked up. He had four relationships, but only one that was really significant and he cheated on her twice in the 3.5 years they were together. I know all the usual advice of just get over it, it was in teh past, etc. It's tough because he is a lead singer in a band and a lot of his songs are about other women and he still sings them. He loves me, I don't doubt that for a second. It just makes me extremely insecure. I don't know how to make him understand and I don't know how to get over it!
JackJack Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Do you feel you would "torture yourself and be extremely jealous" if he had NOT been with so many others before you and if he wasn't in a band? Or do you feel you're just the jealous type and would be that way no matter who you were dating? Really the only thing I know to suggest, is for you to work on yourself and jealousy issues, because that might be what it is that drives him away, not another woman. However, if you feel this is something you can't deal with at all, then maybe you need to cut him loose.
MSUE Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 the past is the past...trust me I've had my share of partners myself and I'm sure so did my BF based on skills lol...but this is a great example of why you never ever in any relationship advertise the # of people you have fooled around with...live and learn...now you are going to have some serious jealousy and insecurity issues...that truthfully you need to work on...give him credit for being honest and make sure you practice safe sex
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Just because he was a man-whore then doesnt make him a man-whore now. People do change for the better. I mean he's in a relationship with you right. That right there speaks volumes. Stop being so insecure about things. Things could be worse. You could be married to wilt chamberlain! lol.
blair08 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I think for me, the main concern would be, the fact he cheated on a woman he was with twice, more so than being worried about how many he was with. I'm not saying people can't change, because they can, nor do I think taking a look at his past will predict the future, BUT, of course that is based on if in fact he has really changed or not. Its really up to you on what you want to do.
JamesM Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 He had four relationships, but only one that was really significant and he cheated on her twice in the 3.5 years they were together. THIS is the part that should bother you. And add to it the fact that he has been with many women. The question is...can he be faithful to one woman, or will he miss the "good life?"
reservoirdog1 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 First of all, I agree with James. The cheating may tell you something about his character and moral compass. By way of general comment... I'll repeat what I wrote to a male poster on this subject about a minute ago. His past is his past, and he owes you neither an explanation nor an apology. The only questions are (1) is he disease-free, (2) is he faithful to you, and (3) can you handle his past and leave it where it belongs. If you can answer yes to all three questions, then that's the end of it. His past may say things about him. And somebody with his past may not be your cup of tea. But if you're going to be with him, you need to accept it, be happy, and not interrogate him about it. I've been in a relationship burdened with the other person's retroactive jealousy. It basically culminated in a requirement that I "un-friend" women that I'd been sexually involved with in the past, even if the interpersonal relationship with them had evolved into simply being friends. We had numerous arguments in which she tried to justify her jealousy over women I'd been with before I ever met her, through some admittedly impressive feats of logical gymnastics. The whole thing was exhausting, and a fight over that very issue (which, I might add, involved me telling her that we each had a past and neither owed the other an explanation or apology) was the final spark that led to the breakup. So... the cheating aside, you either need to find a way to deal with your jealousy on your own, or break up with him. Simple as that.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 It's tough because he is a lead singer in a band and a lot of his songs are about other women and he still sings them. He loves me, I don't doubt that for a second. It just makes me extremely insecure. I don't know how to make him understand and I don't know how to get over it! Are you serious? When are women going to learn that guys in bands suck? The most candy a$$ed, self centered, douchebags all join bands. I've seen guys who were so ugly it's insane... get all kinds of women just because they are in a band. Dudes in bands cheat all day long, and its cause chickenheads line up around the block for them.
oldguy Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 The past IS the past... as long as it IS the past. I would be more concerned about the "long term relationship" in which he cheated twice.
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