Vertex Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I've graduated college (22 years old, almost 23) and moved to a new city to stay with a relative while I build myself up a bit to the point where I can buy an apartment/etc. However, I am incredibly lonely. I can't just go downtown and make friends... at least in college, I was surrounded by people and could make friends from dorms/classes/etc, but here, living in a house, I have to leave it in order to see people, and it seems so hard to find people my age to befriend. I'm just not so sure what to do. I hate starting over, and I dislike that I am currently in a new city without any friends, or a girlfriend for that matter. Too many nights I do things alone wishing I could share with someone special. Anyone else have this problem?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 It's pretty near impossible to meet people outside of work or school. I don't share a lot in common with the people I see at work, so there goes that. And I did some schooling last summer and did meet one good friend there, but she's been busy planning her wedding. So yeah - I feel ya. I just keep myself busy with my personal pursuits and I'm actually kind of settling into it. Some days it sucks, but for the most part I'm content. It's interesting, because I'm more friendly/outgoing in general to people I don't know than I used to be - probably because I crave a little of that "connection." It's helping to pull me out of my shell.
Pedigree Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 It's interesting, because I'm more friendly/outgoing in general to people I don't know than I used to be - probably because I crave a little of that "connection." It's helping to pull me out of my shell. It's not "connection craving", it's survival instinct. I remember I was most outgoing asking for directions to my inn in Tokyo armed only with a phrasebook. Interacting with people helps you survive so it's been built into us to be more interactive when there's less interaction with people.
Hkizzle Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 It's not "connection craving", it's survival instinct. I remember I was most outgoing asking for directions to my inn in Tokyo armed only with a phrasebook. Interacting with people helps you survive so it's been built into us to be more interactive when there's less interaction with people. Gaijin in Tokyo have it so good, that's totally different, haha. Just go to Ropongi.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 It's not "connection craving", it's survival instinct. I remember I was most outgoing asking for directions to my inn in Tokyo armed only with a phrasebook. Interacting with people helps you survive so it's been built into us to be more interactive when there's less interaction with people. I'm trying to follow. Could you explain to me more? I'm kind of understanding what you're saying, but perhaps clarity would pull me further. I'm not dependent on anybody around me for survival. I know the area I live in really well, I have a routine, etc. How is it "survival" for me to chat with people at the gym or in the store? I'm not arguing against your point - just trying to understand.
Pedigree Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I'm trying to say is that in certain situations, in this case in situations where we're isolated, our instincts tell us to put more effort in interact with people because it'll be more advantageous for us to do so (You can get help, get more information). You weren't in a situation of emergency so the "survival" aspect of it isn't obvious, though the mechanism is the same. On the other hand, I was in a place where I didn't speak the language and I was getting lost. So it was very obvious to me in hindsight why a pretty introverted guy like me was suddenly going to every other person to ask them if they spoke English.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Vertex, I know this sounds cliche but have you thought about looking into some sort of club you could join in something that interests you. Even in big cities, they have community things like that.
Author Vertex Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 Yeah, but I am just not even sure where I'd begin looking or what would be best. I basically echo SoulSearch_CO, here. I focus a lot on personal things right now, but sometimes it just gets to me because I crave that connection.
boogieboy Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Vertex the bottom line regardless will have to be this: you will have to bite the bullet and start talking to stranger women on the street. Nothing else is going to make this easy if youre not going out there. meetup.com you might be able to find meetups near your city to meet people bars/clubs..not the best place to meet women, but you could give it a shot. Are you anywhere near your school? just drive back and talk to women at school. Thats the easiest right there.
jerbear Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Yeah, but I am just not even sure where I'd begin looking or what would be best. I basically echo SoulSearch_CO, here. I focus a lot on personal things right now, but sometimes it just gets to me because I crave that connection. Have you considered joining your local alumni club? There is one where you are. I just looked it up. From there you can find other social groups and then eventually outgrow them. Just a warning, I would use the alumni group as an social group and not a dating group.
Isolde Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Most people work this issue out, but it can take time. Think of it this way, the longer you're out of college the more you'll be used to new ways of meeting people, even if it seems harder at first. Also, I think a lot of times college friendships are based on proximity and people don't have to make a ton of effort to interact; in the "real world," people tend to be more selective, so you'll be more likely to sustain friendships once you find them.
Author Vertex Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Thanks, jerbear -- I'll definitely look into that. And, interesting perspective, isolde. Never really thought of it that way!
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Vertex - have you tried Meetup.com? I found groups in my area through there and actually met the current guy I'm dating through there...which I totally didn't expect because my area is so small.
monkey00 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 try craigslist, social events, gallery openings, etc. that usually works. If you're not a very social person, it will be hard for you to make friends and meet people. So get out there and start talking!
Recommended Posts