SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Well I had posted about this issue a while ago basically my new relationship is not going as I would hoped it to. I just don't understand this guy! he says he loves me he says he doesn't want to separate Ive gotten to that point a few times now the thing is were close but not really in a sexual way to be honest. Other then me pleasuring him once in a while witch he doesn't even seam to want that anymore really. Not to be to graphic but I was um doing my thing today in the shower for him and he actually told me to stop I was like huh OK? He then got out and went in the bed room I finished my shower I come in the bed room and sure enough hes butt naked watching porn! If I let him he will wannk to it before bed with me trying to sleep in the same room mind you. And then again the next day I had tried to tell him it was bothering me the other day he said he would slow down. But like I said last night and again today! I told him I feel like a maid not a partner dose that make any sense? Any advice much appreciated why would a guy want to stay with a girl who he never has sex with? I don't understand only thing I can figure is hes not attracted to me in that way but again when I try to break up he doesn't want to HELP! He did try to pleasure me last night not sex itself that never happens just with his hands it was OK I kind of went along and said it was good. But afterwords I just felt like he did it to be nice or something if that makes any sense he hopped right on the pron afterwards as well? I dunno I'm very confused here I just want a normal loving intimate relationship with some one who I know is attracted to me.. I find I'm resenting the porn and wondering why he needs it 24/7 almost when I'm here is that wrong or selfish?
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Also I was thinking I had finally had enough of feeling like a maid and not a gf so I said that maybe we need to end things his response was.Something like "you have been with other guys in the past and they didn't work out. I'm the only one who understands you and really cares about you" what dose that mean? seriously I had no reply to that again I don't get this guy...
Hkizzle Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I've seen this many times. Man loses interest in sex but jerks off to porn. The man stays in the relationship for the company, but he's no longer in love, just cares about his GF more like a good friend.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 I've seen this many times. Man loses interest in sex but jerks off to porn. The man stays in the relationship for the company, but he's no longer in love, just cares about his GF more like a good friend. Yeah I could see that Hkizzle if it wasn't such a new relationship its only been a few months and if we had started off with fireworks and then it fizzled but it was never really there to begin with is what I don't get hes also telling me he is in love and making comments like the ones above thats why I'm kinda confused I guess..
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 He could have fixated so long on porn that he isn't able to really enjoy real sex. I mean, I saw a special where a guy had one of those love dolls and he wasn't able to consummate a relationship with his girlfriend. So I would think it could happen with porn too -- like he is too into the fantasy of what is in his head watching it.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Something else I felt a little uncomey with last night as we were walking he said I'm one of the only females hes ever really cared about I thought oh thats sweet.. But then he went on to say oh but there is these 2 cute girls at work but there much to young! I was like OH.. I mean OK every one looks no harm but to actually find out how young they are? I mean he must have asked or something I guess its odd to me I wouldn't do it part of me is wondering if hes saying that to make me jealous or if hes just that dense ya know you guys think I'm I overreacting to that comment?
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Something else I felt a little uncomey with last night as we were walking he said I'm one of the only females hes ever really cared about I thought oh thats sweet.. But then he went on to say oh but there is these 2 cute girls at work but there much to young! I was like OH.. I mean OK every one looks no harm but to actually find out how young they are? I mean he must have asked or something I guess its odd to me I wouldn't do it part of me is wondering if hes saying that to make me jealous or if hes just that dense ya know you guys think I'm I overreacting to that comment? A comment like that and I pull waaay back. A compliment and then a back handed slap right after?? Not good honey. How long have you been seeing him again?
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 A comment like that and I pull waaay back. A compliment and then a back handed slap right after?? Not good honey. How long have you been seeing him again? Thanks for the replies island well we have been close friends for the last 5 months casual acquaintances before then. He decided to move in after we started to really hit it off he was here 99% of the time anyways. So I didn't argue it we live well together we have been officially a couple tho for id say oh maybe 2 months now. Its all kinda new still I'm the 1st gf hes had at 30 how much dose that affect stuff you think? Oh a side note hes also recently expressed interest in starting a family with me witch is interesting considering the lack of a real sex life per say hes even gone as far as to say when he would like to makes no sense to me all of this...
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Bumping just cause I'm bored and confused I guess...
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 why would a guy want to stay with a girl who he never has sex with? No...the better question is why you put up with his ****E when you deserve better, Spanks. Who cares what he wants at this point? Boot his ass to the curb. I'm sick of the way he treats you. All the symptoms are there of a major illness. He's completely disrespectful. And if you don't kick him out, SoulSearch will get on a plane from CO and kick his ass out for you. :mad:
LakesideDream Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Spank, it' not about you. I'm sure everyone has told you that it's him. If he's become so involved with online pornography that he can't perform with you, worse, he doesen't want to perform with you, especially in a new love affair, there is nothing you can do about it. You have to leave the reationship and cut your losses. There is a one in a thousand chance that he'll straighten up, come back and prove it to you, but don't count on it. Let it be his responsibility. I grew up in an era when porn was blac and white and hidden. A curio, never common enough to be an addiction. That's one of the few benifits of being older than dirt.
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Thanks for the replies island well we have been close friends for the last 5 months casual acquaintances before then. He decided to move in after we started to really hit it off he was here 99% of the time anyways. So I didn't argue it we live well together we have been officially a couple tho for id say oh maybe 2 months now. Its all kinda new still I'm the 1st gf hes had at 30 how much dose that affect stuff you think? Oh a side note hes also recently expressed interest in starting a family with me witch is interesting considering the lack of a real sex life per say hes even gone as far as to say when he would like to makes no sense to me all of this... First girlfriend at 30?? A lot I'd say. It sounds like he built a little world - and now you're in it and he is not sure how to mess the two in the sex department. More than likely he has a routine - somewhat of an addiction but that is what he has always done so... I'd put the brakes on. I mean discussing starting a family with this going on - well, years from now you won't be happy with him unless he can work on this issue. What about getting involved? I mean are you grossed out by using porn as an aid?
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 First girlfriend at 30?? A lot I'd say. It sounds like he built a little world - and now you're in it and he is not sure how to mess the two in the sex department. More than likely he has a routine - somewhat of an addiction but that is what he has always done so... I'd put the brakes on. I mean discussing starting a family with this going on - well, years from now you won't be happy with him unless he can work on this issue. What about getting involved? I mean are you grossed out by using porn as an aid? I think your right hes gotten into a routine when it comes to sex hes also Bi so he goes both ways! We have had issues with that as well but seam to have worked them out I took a firm stand on it. I'm sorry but being bi is no excuse to cheat as some may think! Hes very kinky honestly and I'm more on the Conservative side I find I crave the closeness and intimacy more then just the orgasm itself. Sex is fun for him its a pastime on the flip side its a very intimate thing for me porn is OK and to be honest Ive looked myself some times even when hes at work all tho I don't discuss it with him. Yes I would be willing to get involved IE maybe oral when hes watching it and so on I have in the past but then he always seams to want to finish himself. I don't completely hate porn I believe it can be fun but what I have a prob with is I feel its taken my place in the relationship altogether epically at night? I mean really why on earth is a bf sitting wanking at a PC when his supposed gf is laying in bed 2 feet from him feeling hurt and rejected? I just don't get this..
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I don't think your overreacting at all, it's one thing for a dude to watch porn and whateve, but when it gets to the point where he can't make business with you because of it, there's a problem. I know you guys care about each other and thats cool, but bottom line is you deserve to be happy. It sounds like this is doing a tremendous number on your self-esteem and thats just messed up. You don't deserve that and he needs to understand that by acknowledging your feelings and doing something about it, if he can't you don't need him. Also, don't fall for those manipulative notions about he's the only one who can understand you blah blah because if he did he'd understand how you feel now and he would respect that.
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I really think from what you have posted that he is not trying to break out of his little routine. It is unhealthy for you to feel so hurt and rejected -- while he pleasures himself watching a screen. You even participate and he doesn't go full throttle. Frankly I have to ask, what does he bring to the table that is so great you would deal with this or try to work through it? It has only been 5 months after all.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 I don't think your overreacting at all, it's one thing for a dude to watch porn and whateve, but when it gets to the point where he can't make business with you because of it, there's a problem. I know you guys care about each other and thats cool, but bottom line is you deserve to be happy. It sounds like this is doing a tremendous number on your self-esteem and thats just messed up. You don't deserve that and he needs to understand that by acknowledging your feelings and doing something about it, if he can't you don't need him. Also, don't fall for those manipulative notions about he's the only one who can understand you blah blah because if he did he'd understand how you feel now and he would respect that. Very good points your right he doesn't understand me at all obversely if he cant get it thu his head this is now hurting me! There is one good thing we had a good talk before he went to work. He seamed to see were I was coming from on this but like I said Ive told him before so well see I guess. Ive given him a pass on allot seeing as its new to him all of this but common use some common sense already no? The strangest thing I think is you want kids with me but you would rather wank on our PC then be intimate? umm so what I guess I get some on the day were trying to conceive wow theres something to look forward to lol... Oy! why me I always find the interesting ones I swear!
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 I really think from what you have posted that he is not trying to break out of his little routine. It is unhealthy for you to feel so hurt and rejected -- while he pleasures himself watching a screen. You even participate and he doesn't go full throttle. Frankly I have to ask, what does he bring to the table that is so great you would deal with this or try to work through it? It has only been 5 months after all. I see what your saying Island I guess I think hes the best guy Ive dated so far in allot of ways he is caring at times and considerate not to mention hes absolutely adorable to me! I mean yea wow Ive never been with some one who I was actually insecure about if that makes any sense? I originally thought he was out of my league never told him that tho! of course I went for it anyways.. Honestly If we could work thu this sexual prob I think things may work I guess the insecurity passes in time no or is that something I need to work on myself?
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Honestly If we could work thu this sexual prob I think things may work I guess the insecurity passes in time no or is that something I need to work on myself? Are you saying that you feel like your just being insecure about the porn issue?
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Are you saying that you feel like your just being insecure about the porn issue? Ohhh my bad sorry there NO I'm a little insecure with him to start off as I feel he is out of my league to begin with. I find I'm a little paranoid and easily become jealous not like me Ive never been jealous over any guy I mean that. The Porn is a hole separate thing I told him today 'look I don't care if its a once in a while thing for fun but every day is to much" And he said he understands and he even said he can see how that may be degrading and he said he has been selfish lately..
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I see what your saying Island I guess I think hes the best guy Ive dated so far in allot of ways he is caring at times and considerate not to mention hes absolutely adorable to me! Ahh so you are "stuck". You've got that crush thing goin' on! Not a bad thing -- just don't let it cloud your judgment Spanks. I mean yea wow Ive never been with some one who I was actually insecure about if that makes any sense? I originally thought he was out of my league never told him that tho! of course I went for it anyways.. So are you as adventurous sexually as you normally would be? Usually when a woman tell me she is insecure about something like that (thinking her partner is just out of her league and how lucky she is) it makes her cautious and unsure. Things she'd normally do in the relationship go by the wayside. I really hope that isn't the case here -- may be I hope it is. Well, if it IS then maybe being a bit more assertive would help in the bedroom. Have you noticed how the women seem to be in the porn? Are they fresh faced country girls, or slut looking types? Do they act submissive and get dominated or do they take charge? Perhaps a way to break into that part of his lifestyle is to emulate one of them...? Maybe in dress AND in action... Honestly If we could work thu this sexual prob I think things may work I guess the insecurity passes in time no or is that something I need to work on myself? You do need to work on the insecurity within you. That doesn't just go away. Please keep in mind that after 30 years of beig single he jumped into a relationship (and MOVED IN) with YOU. He probably has had opportunities before and yet it was YOU who captivated him Spanks. Ohhh my bad sorry there NO I'm a little insecure with him to start off as I feel he is out of my league to begin with. I find I'm a little paranoid and easily become jealous not like me Ive never been jealous over any guy I mean that. The Porn is a hole separate thing I told him today 'look I don't care if its a once in a while thing for fun but every day is to much" And he said he understands and he even said he can see how that may be degrading and he said he has been selfish lately.. The jealousy is also feeling like he isn't as attracted to you -- so you think he may look at other women and be more attracted to them, etc. It is all wrapped up in the insecurity. Glad you had what seems to be a productive talk.
missdependant Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Men watch porn, that's just how they are. But his behavior sounds abnormal, like he's developing some sort of addiction or obsessive disorder. It should be a pleasure in his life, not a necessity. the dude needs help.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Oh a side note hes also recently expressed interest in starting a family with me witch is interesting considering the lack of a real sex life per say hes even gone as far as to say when he would like to makes no sense to me all of this... The guy is addicted to porn. Duh! He needs to stop using it 100%. The only other explanation is that your not that good in bed, and I really doubt that.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 This guy has the maturity of a hampster. I am sorry. He might say he can give you what you need but he clearly isn't and he isn't working to progress things either. He seems rather pathetically dependent on pornography and this isn't going to all the sudden change or get better. Why are you with his man? He is so lacking in basic respect and human skills it baffles me.
Enema Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I agree with Jersey and as a result have made an appointment with a neurologist to see what's wrong. Either way, all we can see in this thread are con after con after con. What's good about this guy again?
AAlike Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 don't focus on hating the porn, focus on realizing that your guy is a douche. plenty of relationships fizzle at the six-month point...in fact, that's commonly where the "f*ck like rabbits" stage tends to end. it's not all that unique and it's a problem that strains a lot of relationships. therefore, he should address this with you in some way. it's not the easiest thing in the world - and I'm sure it's tough to just come out and do...but by rejecting your advances and then jerking off in front of you he seems to think that it's ok to address it by blatantly disrespecting you. not cool.
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