Frightening sings of CP in my relationship - For those in CP relationships

[Hkizzle]

Do you know how to do this? Give me some guidance. I really want to resolve this now... The other week, I was buying something and this guy started to hit on me. I didn't even notice, until I was way out of the store and my friend had to tell me that he was interested (that's why he asked me all of the personal questions). That tells you how clueless I am. I bet you he's one of those nice guys - I don't notice them. It's like a blindfold.

 

I need to get out more. My patterns are really bugging me and messing with my head.

 

What a therapist does is basically bring issues you have into the conscious so you are aware of them. You can actually do the same. Write down what childhood issues you may have, and realize those are in the past now and shouldn't have no power over you anymore.

 

Then right down your long term goals that you want in a man, and tell yourself you will not start a relationship unless those goals are met.

 

As for the attraction bit. I've found players, and women that fall for jerks both have a problem with desensitization. I know players that date a lot of beautiful women and after a while they lose interest in all women, and start looking for perfection which doesn't even exist.

 

Women that fall for jerks have the same problem with the drama.

 

Jerks change from their real baseline personality to become more attractive at the start, and also create more drama later which unbalances the woman. In effect it lowers the woman's value relative to the jerk so the jerk seems more attractive.

 

If you really want a nice decent guy you have to stop relying on first impressions and give the guy a chance. A lot of women don't feel chemistry immediately and say they're not interested. But most men don't open up on the first meeting, it takes at least until the second date.

 

Sure, you can't go for someone that's unattractive or plain boring. But if he's decent but there's no chemistry it's worth taking two dates to find out if he's worth it.

[leap83]

Thanks for that Hkizzle. I'm very aware of my issues. However, I highly doubt that it has anything to do with my childhood. Honestly, I think it has to do with me growing up and not trusting many people. It's the trust issues I have. Until this day, I don't believe a word this guy told me. I really don't. I have no idea why. I really want to believe that everything he said was true, but I'm having difficulty swallowing the truth.

 

My life is NOT dramatic at all. I live my life without any drama in it. It's usually the men that create the drama and I find it a turn off - to be blunt. I have been thinking about everything and I can tell you for a fact that I'm one of those people who live their life quite normally (except for the love life).

 

I've gone out with men with whom I have no chemistry and who are decent - on more than 2 dates. It just doesn't work. I'm sure there are men out there who are decent and with whom I'll have chemistry, but my work schedule is crazy and I literally don't have time to go out searching. That's why I signed up for the dating site. Maybe if I went out a bit more, this whole thing would be easier - I would meet a nice guy and I would quit complaining about these miserable men.

 

Btw, I know what kind of man I'm looking for. And really I'm not asking for much: smart, has a sense of humour, kind, honest and charming. Out of these honesty is the most important, then smart/sense of humour and kind. Those are hard to find. I go out and the man can't keep the convo flowing. They have nothing interesting to say. This is not on the first date... this is after the 3rd date. I would call these men empty. What initially attracted me to this guy was the fact that he was very well read and knew what he was talking about (very intelligent) plus he had a great sense of humour and was kind to everyone around him. It wasn't about the physical appearance. It was his personality that attracted me to him. So yeah...

[jb1173]

Leap83: Holy Carp! I have been reading through this thread and am simply amazed by how much we have in common -- the backstories (absent father, present grandfather) and experiences with the recent ex is all so similar. Although my walls are firmly intact after this latest breakup, I never considered myself a commitmentphobe, even though I have dated enough of them. This thread has given me much food for thought.

[leap83]

Hah. I'm glad this thread is helping people out. I still haven't made sense of anything that happened but hopefully soon I will. I'm trying to change my patterns. I still believe though that he was the right person for me and if we both weren't so messed up to begin with, this whole thing would have worked out pretty well for the both of us...

 

Leap83: Holy Carp! I have been reading through this thread and am simply amazed by how much we have in common -- the backstories (absent father, present grandfather) and experiences with the recent ex is all so similar. Although my walls are firmly intact after this latest breakup, I never considered myself a commitmentphobe, even though I have dated enough of them. This thread has given me much food for thought.