whatwhit Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I've been dating this guy for 6 months. I am completely in love with him, and he says the same. I am older than he his I just turned 22 in aug. and he will be 20 in dec. I am not looking for marriage right now, but when I date someone I don't date them to just date them...i do look for future potential. My b/f on the other hand just says things like we will last however long we are supposed to last..hes no where near wanting to settle and I understand that hes bearly 20. But if your not in it to be serious then why be in a relationship. I am not wanting to break up with him or anything like that...we are good..but I've always ? that reasoning.
compre11111 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 That's not unusual for somebody so young. Me, I'm 27, so I don't have the patience to date "for fun" anymore. I only date for the purpose of looking for "the one", and if I detect that somebody can't meet that standard, then the only decent thing to do is spare that person her feelings and her time and call it off. As long as we're dating, I want to see some kind of long-term potential. And as long as I see that potential, I want to keep dating. But the fact is, for many, dating is just another fun activity -- perhaps with a long-term bonus, but that's not the plan. Especially in a 20-year-old guy, you're not going to find a commitment to the big picture -- at least that's fairly uncommon among guys that age.
Author whatwhit Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 So for someone like me should I call it a quits, or just go a long for the ride..wait to see what happens.
Hkizzle Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 There's loads of reasons men date without wanting to be serious: 1) Sex 2) Get rid of the loneliness 3) Sex 4) Have someone to talk to 5) sex 6) Have some fun 7) Sex 8) It's nice to have someone that loves you 9) Sex 10) sex
MSUE Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 you are both so so young...kid is 20 he has plenty of life ahead of him...there is no settling at 20...specially for boys...and if there is they end up divorced by 25 or miserable and end up cheating on their needy GF's throughout...just my humble opinion...if you are looking to settle you should look into 25+ that's more likely if anything
Hkizzle Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 The age of first marriage for men in the US is now 27.7 years. Which means any guys significantly below that age is significantly less likely to be serious.
Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 At 22 and 19, the two of you should be having the time of your lives, dating as many people as possible and getting to know what works for you. The future, at least for LTRs, can wait until you're a little more concrete, as a person.
compre11111 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I wouldn't necessarily recommend calling it quits. You need to gauge how much you like this guy, what kind of long-term potential you see in him, and determine whether he's realistically likely to come around. He may not be looking to commit now, but that doesn't mean he won't change his mind as time goes on. I wouldn't wait around and hope that he changes, because then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. But you really need to look at this as accurately as possible and figure out what you want, what he wants, and what is the probability that your two desires will coincide......i.e., what's the likelihood that he'll come around to wanting commitment. Only you can make that call. How you do it is another issue, but it's your call. I would not suggest breaking it off just yet, but I wouldn't suggest waiting idly by and hoping for the best for years and years either.
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Hmm.. that's hard to say... I can understand his thoughts saying to see what happens. I mean there is no need to rush things really, plus you are young, experience stuff thats how we learn and if you have fun with the guy why end it because he's more lax about stuff? But than again if you are more interested in settling down and all that you can always find someone who is on the same boat as you. It's more about what YOU want in your life.
compre11111 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 By the way, my post was based on the assumption that you absolutely want a commitment to a LTR. Personally, I think you're a little young to be looking for that just yet.......I'd recommend just enjoying life and seeing what's out there. But I also understand your desire. It's really a matter of what you want. If that's really what you want, you may not be with the right guy.
Author whatwhit Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 I really do appreciate the posts that are mature and seem thought out. So thank you! . I am not looking to get married any time soon heck i'm not even finished with school yet. But I really do like this guy...so like years down the road....if a future was possible I'm saying I wouldn't mind it being with him. If that makes sense.
compre11111 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 In that case, is he worth the wait? Worth the gamble? If you really like him, then I'd suggest continuing to be with him and see where things go. If nothing changes, then talk to him about it. Best of luck.
looking4 green grass Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I had a few LTRs when I was younger that I knew upfront wouldn't end in marriage simply because i wasn't ready. I dated one guy 2 years and one 2.5 years. (The two year curse!) It wasn't a big deal. Enjoy yourself! Have fun! Don't expect to marry everyone you date!
Curious-One Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 One word comes to mind right away "Sex" Another reason could be because he wants to have a girl to talk to and feel close to.
aerogurl87 Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 But if your not in it to be serious then why be in a relationship. This is EXACTLY how I feel! If I don't see a potential future with a guy, why waste my time in being in a relationship with them? I don't understand this whole idea of "just being in a relationship" and not having an idea of possibly seeing a future with that person. If you don't want to be serious then just date casually or be single, but don't string people along to think that there is a chance that the relationship may go somewhere when you're just happy having everything on cruise control.
Viking Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 because dating is about finding out what you like and don't like.
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 At 22 and 19, the two of you should be having the time of your lives, dating as many people as possible and getting to know what works for you. The future, at least for LTRs, can wait until you're a little more concrete, as a person. because dating is about finding out what you like and don't like. Word ....
aerogurl87 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 because dating is about finding out what you like and don't like. Agreed, but if you just want to find out what you do and don't like in a person, date around instead of leading people on and saying you want a monogamous relationship with them.
monkey00 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 While your bf could be the exception, it's more common for people in their early 20's to be dating around and going through multiple relationships in their time.
mortensorchid Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 The reason people date but do not commit over time is because they are lonely. Period. And, I would think that people are having sex as well for the same reasons. No matter what others say when it comes to why they won't commit to you / anyone, it's the same reasons.
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