Vlad Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 There are more and more failed marriages every year, is not working anymore. Every single young couple I know is struggling in every single way possible, kids, money, ex’s, too much work, not enough time, not enough romance, not enough sex, too much sex, too much time with friends, too much time in the house, he/she is too soft I want a stronger person by my side, he/she is not nice he is too strong in character I need someone that is calmed and relaxed, etc etc…… Why even bother? Stay single and be happy about it. Cause at the end it all comes to Infidelity. A good example of this is, oh well; this forum!
laRubiaBonita Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 There are more and more failed marriages every year, is not working anymore. Every single young couple I know is struggling in every single way possible, kids, money, ex’s, too much work, not enough time, not enough romance, not enough sex, too much sex, too much time with friends, too much time in the house, he/she is too soft I want a stronger person by my side, he/she is not nice he is too strong in character I need someone that is calmed and relaxed, etc etc…… Why even bother? Stay single and be happy about it. Cause at the end it all comes to Infidelity. A good example of this is, oh well; this forum! Good Marriages are like Good News, you do not hear about them because the bad stuff is what gets peoples attention. positive threads are started all the time on LS about successfull, happy, quality, and fullfilling relationships and marriage- and there are posters, not unlike yourself, that will poo-poo on these threads. Just because some individuals cannot create a harmonious union with another individual does not mean it's impossible, but it takes more than a wedding dress, feeding cake to each other and a honeymoon to create a lasting strong marriage.
JamesM Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Plus to add to what laRubiaBonita said, Even many of us who post here with our problems consider our overall marriage to be good. Personally, while I post freely about my feelings regarding our sexless (almost) marriage, I am not considering leaving it. And while I post in anger about what I should do, I actually seek answers here. Funny thing is....in my hometown newspaper, there are still many many more new marriages than divorces. People still have the faith that their marriage will be different.
blair08 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I will agree that if people have a negative or not so good outlook on marriage, then yeah its probably not for them. I will also agree with LRB in the fact that alot of people(even though they might not admit to it) would rather reply to negative drama filled posts than positive happy ones.
Thornton Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Marriages used to work a lot better in the past. People usually didn't date seriously or live together before marriage, so there were no exes or step-children or blended families to cause problems. It was possible for a family to survive on one salary; houses were reasonably priced, and because most women didn't work there was much more employment available for the men who needed to support a family, plus there was no need to find huge amounts of money for childcare because mothers stayed at home, so in general there were less financial pressures. The men valued their wives for creating a stable home and cooking/cleaning etc, while the women valued their husbands for supporting them financially and providing for the family, so both parties had more respect for one another. In modern society everything is too expensive, so young couples end up working long hours in separate jobs and struggling with childcare. They have too much work and not enough time together, so not enough time for love or romance to be sustained. As each person is a self-sustained unit who works and shares all responsibilities there's less feeling of being a family and working as a team, and it's very easy to walk away from such a relationship. No to mention all the issues caused by exes, step-kids, etc. No wonder marriages don't work any more... they seemed to be much more successful when married people worked as a team and took on traditional gender roles. In my personal experience, those marriages with traditional gender roles seem to work best - it often seems that men who married women from other cultures have the most stable marriages, because often these women have more traditional family values and take on more traditional roles in the marriage.
JackJack Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I have a job. If I don't work, or at least put some effort into what it is I'm doing to ensure that job isn't going by the wayside, then chances are I'm gonna fail or at least suffer from what I've not done. To me its kind of like the same thing in a relationship/marriage. No, I'm not saying marriage is like or should be like a job, but trying to make a point. Point is, I think anything worth having is going to require a certain amount of work and upkeep. Yes, its also up to the other person in the marriage to do their share as well. I'm seeing lots of posts here lately about unhappy, unfulfilled marriages, and I think so many people are just ready to throw in the towel and give up. Perhaps they do not want to do the work, they feel they should do. Or perhaps they are doing what they need and their partner is not. You can only change and take care of yourself and your end, not your partner. And, since I see so many in this situation where it seems one is doing their part and the other is not, perhaps its a case of just being mismatched to begin with. Trust me, if you've got a partner who is willing to do their share and least put forth some kind of effort and meet you half way, then the marriage at least has got a chance.
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 There are more and more failed marriages every year, is not working anymore. Every single young couple I know is struggling in every single way possible, kids, money, ex’s, too much work, not enough time, not enough romance, not enough sex, too much sex, too much time with friends, too much time in the house, he/she is too soft I want a stronger person by my side, he/she is not nice he is too strong in character I need someone that is calmed and relaxed, etc etc…… Why even bother? Stay single and be happy about it. Cause at the end it all comes to Infidelity. A good example of this is, oh well; this forum! I totally agree.. it took me about 25 years and 2 relationships to figure it out.. Stay single and have fun!!!! (but I have to say that it's easier when someone is older... I've had my family, etc.)...
quankanne Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 teamwork is a good point, as is the idea that nobody wants to read about those relationships that work – they want to hear about the wreckage to fulfill some innate need for bad news. People still have the faith that their marriage will be different. and I believe this is the biggest difference between those marriage which succeed, and those that fail: A couple gives their all, including a stake in the future, that this is going to work. not an easy thing to do when many people go into a marriage believing divorce is an option, which I think is the kiss of death to a relationship, because it says "I've got an out when things start getting too deep for my liking."
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Plus to add to what laRubiaBonita said, Even many of us who post here with our problems consider our overall marriage to be good. Personally, while I post freely about my feelings regarding our sexless (almost) marriage, I am not considering leaving it. And while I post in anger about what I should do, I actually seek answers here. Funny thing is....in my hometown newspaper, there are still many many more new marriages than divorces. People still have the faith that their marriage will be different. Yep.. people think that it will never happen to them.. Sad thing.. is IT WILL HAPPEN..
JamesM Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Yep.. people think that it will never happen to them.. Sad thing.. is IT WILL HAPPEN.. Love ya but must disagree...not that it WILL happen, but it CAN happen. And knowing that and believing that, they can build a marriage with the faith that they CAN be of the half that stays married.
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Love ya but must disagree...not that it WILL happen, but it CAN happen. And knowing that and believing that, they can build a marriage with the faith that they CAN be of the half that stays married. OH OK.. seen that way... but they also can stay married and be miserable..
redtail Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 There are more and more failed marriages every year... Yeah true, marriage is not a one size fits all! Because people fail at marriage, is not a reason to throw it out completely. I believe that there are good marriages and the possibility of living harmoniously together exists. But there can also be living hell experiences as well, as I can attest with my first wife. So I'd recommend it only to those who are damn sure or masochists...
MSUE Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 agggghhhhhh...I'm over the whole marriage thing been there done that...no thanks never again...you know the mess that it becomes when it ends and there's a 50/50 it will? hell nooooooooo not dealing with that again...I live with my BF I'm fully committed to him and our lil zoo and that's that don't need a piece of paper to prove myself
The Collector Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Other people's weddings can be fun, or they can be boring. But it seems like the days, much of the time, the only people who think that all the fuss and heaps of presents are celebrating something that will last for more than a few years are the pair taking the vows. And then it's sometimes only the man being suckered into a sexless marriage of financial convenience that believes it's for life. Ha, I couldn't let it lie.
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I honestly think that most people think that there are still 'good marriages' because they base their assumption on 'older' people who have been married for years (grandparents.. etc)... but then.. in those years, they remained married.. not necessarily because they were happy and in love but because they didn't have much choice.. women were not on the work force.. they just couldn't be a single mom.. back then.. they had 10-12 kids for Pete's sake... men couldn't take care of the kids alone either.. so they HAD to stay married.. So based on that.. people think that they were happily married.. I don't think so... I think women, were sacrificing their life in the name of religion, marriage, submission.. etc...etc..
bayouboi Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Marriages used to work a lot better in the past. People usually didn't date seriously or live together before marriage, so there were no exes or step-children or blended families to cause problems. It was possible for a family to survive on one salary; houses were reasonably priced, and because most women didn't work there was much more employment available for the men who needed to support a family, plus there was no need to find huge amounts of money for childcare because mothers stayed at home, so in general there were less financial pressures. The men valued their wives for creating a stable home and cooking/cleaning etc, while the women valued their husbands for supporting them financially and providing for the family, so both parties had more respect for one another. In modern society everything is too expensive, so young couples end up working long hours in separate jobs and struggling with childcare. They have too much work and not enough time together, so not enough time for love or romance to be sustained. As each person is a self-sustained unit who works and shares all responsibilities there's less feeling of being a family and working as a team, and it's very easy to walk away from such a relationship. No to mention all the issues caused by exes, step-kids, etc. No wonder marriages don't work any more... they seemed to be much more successful when married people worked as a team and took on traditional gender roles. In my personal experience, those marriages with traditional gender roles seem to work best - it often seems that men who married women from other cultures have the most stable marriages, because often these women have more traditional family values and take on more traditional roles in the marriage. I agree with this & I think you can even timeline the decline of traditional homes to parallel that of our beloved tax burden increases over the years. If a man earned $100 & it only cost $100 to live a happy life, then only the man has to work. If the gov't taxes that $100 50%, it now takes two earners of $100 @ 50% in order to continue to live a happy life at the cost of $100. Thank you government.
sweetjasmine Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 A good example of this is, oh well; this forum! Two things: confirmation bias and sampling error.
Author Vlad Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Plus to add to what laRubiaBonita said, Even many of us who post here with our problems consider our overall marriage to be good. Personally, while I post freely about my feelings regarding our sexless (almost) marriage, I am not considering leaving it. And while I post in anger about what I should do, I actually seek answers here. Funny thing is....in my hometown newspaper, there are still many many more new marriages than divorces. People still have the faith that their marriage will be different. Just wait until a smart, outgoing, good looking girl puts her eye on you and starts treating you like you deserved, making you feel important, telling other girls how she will do anything to be with you, tell you she can’t believe your wife is not giving you any or just not enough, etc etc. Wait until that girls shows in your life and we will talk about this again.
Author Vlad Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 agggghhhhhh...I'm over the whole marriage thing been there done that...no thanks never again...you know the mess that it becomes when it ends and there's a 50/50 it will? hell nooooooooo not dealing with that again...I live with my BF I'm fully committed to him and our lil zoo and that's that don't need a piece of paper to prove myself that is a no, no for me, if I ever get divorced, its not the paper that bothers me its the relationship of sharing my life with someone, I wont do it, not again.
Author Vlad Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 [ I totally agree.. it took me about 25 years and 2 relationships to figure it out.. Stay single and have fun!!!! (but I have to say that it's easier when someone is older... I've had my family, etc.)... Yep.. people think that it will never happen to them.. Sad thing.. is IT WILL HAPPEN.. I honestly think that most people think that there are still 'good marriages' because they base their assumption on 'older' people who have been married for years (grandparents.. etc)... but then.. in those years, they remained married.. not necessarily because they were happy and in love but because they didn't have much choice.. women were not on the work force.. they just couldn't be a single mom.. back then.. they had 10-12 kids for Pete's sake... men couldn't take care of the kids alone either.. so they HAD to stay married.. So based on that.. people think that they were happily married.. I don't think so... I think women, were sacrificing their life in the name of religion, marriage, submission.. etc...etc.. Wow hold on there woman, those were supposed to be my posts, are you getting into my mind or something? That quote about "older people marriages" is totally my words and the “people think that it will never happen to them.. Sad thing.. is IT WILL HAPPEN” is mine too. We are going to get a long very well my dear, nice meting you “shakes Lizzie’s hand”
Lizzie60 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 [ Wow hold on there woman, those were supposed to be my posts, are you getting into my mind or something? That quote about "older people marriages" is totally my words and the “people think that it will never happen to them.. Sad thing.. is IT WILL HAPPEN” is mine too. We are going to get a long very well my dear, nice meting you “shakes Lizzie’s hand” Shake hands.. great minds think alike..
redtail Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I wont do it, not again. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of divorce, I will fear no infidelity. Marriage and happiness are not mutually exclusive and no one life style choice has a monopoly on happiness, staying single does not guarantee it nor does getting married. So we all accept our own level of risk...
Woggle Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Marriage is a dying concept that needs to be put out of it's misery. People in Happy marriages are the same percentage as people that win the lottery. I am glad for this lucky few but they are the minority.
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I'm not sure if i ever want to get married, lol. I see too many people complaining about it, it's hard to decipher between whether they really don't work or if it's just too easy to divorce these days.
Author Vlad Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 I'm not sure if i ever want to get married, lol. I see too many people complaining about it, it's hard to decipher between whether they really don't work or if it's just too easy to divorce these days. they dont work, dont do it. Saty single enjoy your time, your money and meet a lot of woman.
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