Dex Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Some background: My ex and I broke up over a year ago. We went through an awkward period of being "friends" and I could tell that it just wasn't a good thing, so ended it. We haven't spoken in months, other than an occasional text from him. Sometimes I answer, usually I don't. Last time he texted and I responded was a couple weeks ago. Today I got "sorry you're unemployed, things will work out" flowers delivered to the house from my ex. Should I tell my bf about them?
AlektraClementine Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I would. And I'd expect the same in return. I also wouldn't respond to the flowers and into the trash they'd go.
CLC2008 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I think a better response would be to inform your ex that sending you flowers was inappropriate. A good friend of mine, her ex from years ago recently asked to meet up for lunch with her, he even went so far as to suggest he go over to her house and pick her up. Very inappropriate.
carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 How did he know you were unemployed? What type of flowers and color? I like to get a bit below the surface, even though the obvious answer is 'inappropriate'. I'll stipulate to that if you provide more information
bluewolf17 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 When I was with my now ex, my ex before that sent me flowers on my birthday. I texted him that it was very thoughtful, but that I was with someone else and he can't contact me again. It worked. But I didn't tell my boyfriend. He was a jealous guy anyways and he would have just blown up.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Well if he knew you were unemployed then you must have talked to him..unless he heard it from someone else. To play devils advocate, maybe he was just trying to be nice? That's not really what you are asking though, so I would say that you should tell your boyfriend and footnote it by saying that they were not "welcome or asked for." If your current boyfriend going to have an issue with this?
SierraRose Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 First, throw the flowers out. Second, do not respond to the flower delivery--not a thank you, nothing. Third, tell your b/f. Be onest now, otherwise t will bite u in the azz!
AlektraClementine Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 How did he know you were unemployed? What type of flowers and color? I like to get a bit below the surface, even though the obvious answer is 'inappropriate'. I'll stipulate to that if you provide more information Who needs to pay attention to the details of the posts with you around here, Carhill
Author Dex Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 I would. And I'd expect the same in return. I also wouldn't respond to the flowers and into the trash they'd go. This was my first thought, because I would want my bf to tell me, and I want to be respectful and honest. I think a better response would be to inform your ex that sending you flowers was inappropriate. A good friend of mine, her ex from years ago recently asked to meet up for lunch with her, he even went so far as to suggest he go over to her house and pick her up. Very inappropriate. I agree it's inappropriate of him to do so. How did he know you were unemployed? What type of flowers and color? I like to get a bit below the surface, even though the obvious answer is 'inappropriate'. I'll stipulate to that if you provide more information I recently graduated (he would've known of my grad date from when we were dating); and the texts he sends me are 80% of the time asking me about my job search. The one he sent last was about this; I simply responded "still no luck." The flowers are a mixed bouquet in a vase - white roses, lilies, bluebells, pink carnations, snapdragons, white gerber daisies and some other flower that I don't know what it is. When I was with my now ex, my ex before that sent me flowers on my birthday. I texted him that it was very thoughtful, but that I was with someone else and he can't contact me again. It worked. But I didn't tell my boyfriend. He was a jealous guy anyways and he would have just blown up. This is what I'm afraid of if I tell him. He's not exactly jealous, but I think this looks really bad, and I don't want to give him a reason not to trust me.
boldjack Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Of course you tell your BF. Do you want your relationship built on trust or lies? If your BF got a present from one of his ex GF'S, wouldn't you want to know?
SierraRose Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 First, throw the flowers out. Second, do not respond to the flower delivery--not a thank you, nothing. Third, tell your b/f. Be honest now, otherwise it will bite u in the azz! Be prepared for your b/f to ask if he has ever done this before!
carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Who needs to pay attention to the details of the posts with you around here, Carhill Well, it's rainy and I'm bored. A little mystery stirs the loins
Author Dex Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Well if he knew you were unemployed then you must have talked to him..unless he heard it from someone else. To play devils advocate, maybe he was just trying to be nice? That's not really what you are asking though, so I would say that you should tell your boyfriend and footnote it by saying that they were not "welcome or asked for." If your current boyfriend going to have an issue with this? I'm not sure. I actually live in a different state than my ex, so my current knows that we don't see each other. We also spend enough time together that I think he must know we don't talk really. The one time that my ex recently called/texted me (called but I didn't answer or call back, so a couple days later he texted me about it) - he wanted to hang out (it was a mutual friends' annual party that's a pretty big deal - he wanted to know if I was going). I told my bf about it, and also told the ex "no." The biggest reason is the distance, but I didn't tell my ex that, because I didn't want him to think that otherwise the answer would be yes.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I recently graduated (he would've known of my grad date from when we were dating); and the texts he sends me are 80% of the time asking me about my job search. The one he sent last was about this; I simply responded "still no luck." Okay well it's not "dishonest" to text your ex, however you may be encouraging this behavior by "updating him" and responding to his texts. I would text him and tell him exactly what Bluewolf suggested-text him to say thank you but tell him not to contact you anymore because you are with someone else. This is what I'm afraid of if I tell him. He's not exactly jealous, but I think this looks really bad, and I don't want to give him a reason not to trust me. Why does it look bad? It is not against the law to talk to your ex unless you have done something more than respond to random texts. Explain that you updated him on your job search but did not ask for the flowers and notified him not to do it again. If your BF trusts you then he will understand.
Author Dex Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Why does it look bad? It is not against the law to talk to your ex unless you have done something more than respond to random texts. Explain that you updated him on your job search but did not ask for the flowers and notified him not to do it again. If your BF trusts you then he will understand. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I was in a very long relationship with someone who was emotionally abusive, and even though I never cheated on him or did anything that was even close to questionable, and never put myself in questionable situations, he was unbelievably jealous, controlling, untrusting, etc. So I guess I'm used to suspicious and over the top jealous behavior over anything and everything.
Lauriebell82 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Maybe I'm just paranoid. I was in a very long relationship with someone who was emotionally abusive, and even though I never cheated on him or did anything that was even close to questionable, and never put myself in questionable situations, he was unbelievably jealous, controlling, untrusting, etc. So I guess I'm used to suspicious and over the top jealous behavior over anything and everything. That's understandable. This guy isn't your ex though. You know him best and you said he is not the jealous type so he might not have an issue with it. Example: my ex boyfriend text me about 6 months after I got together with my fiance. My fiance was concerned, however he did get over it as I told him I had no interest in my ex and told my ex not to contact me anymore.
looking4 green grass Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I'd regift them to another female friend of mine. No need for flowers to meet a trashcan when they are still all pretty.
AlektraClementine Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I'd regift them to another female friend of mine. No need for flowers to meet a trashcan when they are still all pretty. Great idea!
carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 OP, send me your address. I want to send you some flowers. Do you like getting flowers? Would you like your BF to send you flowers? What is your fear here? That he will become jealous and abusive as a past SO did? Well, if so, I can tell you from experience that, given the twists and turns of life, it's better you find out now. Trust me.
Author Dex Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 I'd regift them to another female friend of mine. No need for flowers to meet a trashcan when they are still all pretty. This is a good idea. OP, send me your address. I want to send you some flowers. Do you like getting flowers? Would you like your BF to send you flowers? What is your fear here? That he will become jealous and abusive as a past SO did? Well, if so, I can tell you from experience that, given the twists and turns of life, it's better you find out now. Trust me. I actually haven't gotten flowers from anyone in about three years. This is a really good point Carhill, didn't really think of that.
carhill Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Also, could you do me a favor. Don't tell a guy you 'don't do cards'. Man, that was a hurtful day. The flower-loving part of me died a little that day. And no, it wasn't my wife (stbx), though her actions often validated those words. The fallout from those experiences is that one begins to become cynical about people's motives. The fact that you remember how long it's been since you've received flowers is relevant. Examine that as well. There's more in play here, IMO.
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