Is there hope?

[deeplysaddened]

Long story short to catch things up. I love her deeply. We were friends for a year before dating and dated for several months before sleeping together and have been together for 2 years, just got an apartment 6 months ago. Since the apartment, I've suffered some personal tradegies and she's had some issues come up (past abuse in childhood). She became withdrawn and I became demanding, each setting each other further and further off. The last couple fights got kind of nasty to where I can acknowledge I was borderline emotionally abusive (nothing too extreme, no name-calling, but being very demanding and harsh). We'd made up several times with good results, but never broke the cycle.

 

After a particularly bad fight last week, she said she needed space. I went to stay at a Fridays. Two days later, she broke it off, saying she couldn't meet my needs and had been struggling in the relationship for some time. I took it well, told her I respected her decision and still love her deeply. In the time since she broke it off, I really genuinely had a white-light experience of how my behaviors must have made her feel, as someone coming from her background, and how my behaviors may have much reflected previous abuse in her eyes. I'm deeply sorry and don't want it to end.

 

I wrote a letter, owning to my mistakes, not pointing any blame, telling her she was beautiful and I hoped I hadn't caused permanent damage, but if so, I truly wish her the best. I didn't request a response or make any demands whatsoever. She'll probably receive it right around a week from the break-up.

 

I'd been advised by friends to wait an extra week for her 'cool-down', but I didn't want her to cement her resentments and also I am under a timeframe before I have to get the furniture out of the apartment and get signed off the lease (all the furniture but the bed is mine and she really cant afford it without a roommate), so I wanted her to have time to absorb it before any permanent changes were made to my living situation.

 

What do you guys think my chances are? How should I proceed and respond to possible outcomes? It's likely, she will not reply to the letter at all for several days or if at all. She may simply acknowledge that she received it and play it cool. Not sure. Could be that it's totally just done, but we did love each other very deeply. Do you guys see chance for reconciling it? Did I sent the apology to early? Any advise is helpful. It's driving me nuts waiting until I at least know the letter would reasonably be in the mailbox, let alone in her hands (she doesn't check it every single day).

[Angel1111]

People make the mistake of thinking that time and space causes resentments to build up. You need to leave her alone and give her space. Silence is the great healer. Don't make the mistake of underestimating its importance. Your apology letter was probably fine and the timing isn't as significant as you seem to think.

 

Call her sometime around friday and ask her when would be a good time to get your things. If you still have a key, then suggest that you go at a time when she's not there. Most likely, that will get her guard down and she may actually be there when you get your things. Not that it's relevant but it could open the door to communicating. But as soon as you start trying to occupy her time and space, she'll probably shut down again.

 

The problem is, a lot of damage was done during those arguments and she doesn't want to live with the conflict. You may need to face the fact that there may have just been something about the chemistry between the two of you that causes these conflicts. I know it hurts now, but you would probably be better off finding someone who is better suited to you. If not, if you really believe the relationship could work, make a point of moving out anyway. Living together before marriage is a bad idea. Maybe at some point you can start dating her again and start over fresh.