drawmonkey Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I've always been able to let go of exs. But my last one, I just can't seem to get over in even the slightest way. She dumped me without warning (and honestly with no real reason) August 8th. I can't function, I can't get my work done, I'm ****ing up my entire life...all because I can't get over her. She is literally on my mind constantly and losing her has actually made me reach a depression at times that is suicidal in nature (I'm able to reach out to friends and my therapist when things are really bad, so at least I feel safe when I get that low). I've never been this way before about anyone, even my ex-wife. I really am at a loss as to what to do...I've tried hating her, going out on dates with new people, exercising, drinking, going to church and praying (and I'm an atheist), everything under the sun to forget her. But it does not work. I'm so exhausted from all this and I just want it to at least START to get easier...I want to move on. She treated me like **** and does not even deserve a great guy like me. I know this. But still, she's all I want. **** it, this is so hard.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 drawmonkey, this sucks. I know this feeling so well. I've been there once and honestly, I do not want to experience it ever again! Took me years to get over him. I don't even remember how I got over him but somewhere along those years, I got busy and stopped thinking about him. It gets easier, really. Sorry, I'm not being much of a help!
Funky Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I hate to say it but only time heals... I was in your situation a few weeks ago and now I'm starting to feel on top of the world again. Like you said she didn't deserve you so why become like this for someone that treated you like ****. Find things to make the time go faster, activities and such!
MeadowGlitter Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I hate to say it but only time heals... I was in your situation a few weeks ago and now I'm starting to feel on top of the world again. Like you said she didn't deserve you so why become like this for someone that treated you like ****. Find things to make the time go faster, activities and such! It does get easier when you remember how ****ty they treated you!!
Author drawmonkey Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Up in until the last day and the weeks after the breakup she treated better than anyone ever has before, and I did the same for her. I've never had this kind of love before in 35 years and doubt I ever will again. That kills me.
joseffrost Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Man, I know this won't help but I felt the exact same way as you, then felt great for six weeks, and for the last two days I have been back to square one. It just takes time, and maybe a couple of relapses on the way, but in the end you will get there.
Author drawmonkey Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 I hope it gets better. It just scares me that 4 weeks later and I still can't see a future without her.
joseffrost Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I hope it gets better. It just scares me that 4 weeks later and I still can't see a future without her. It took me six weeks to even think of going out to socialise, and another month after that to actually think of talking to another girl. You do need to believe that time will ease the pain, because it really will - even if you have bad days or even weeks along the line.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I hope it gets better. It just scares me that 4 weeks later and I still can't see a future without her. It will get better. Trust me, trust on us who have been there and got over it . You will survive this.
NSW768 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 im there 2. it will be a week for me tomorrow and i cant tell u how much i can relate to that first post. sucks dude
DustySaltus Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Drawmonkey, I know where you are coming from despite all the crap that I put with up with I missed her very much. For the first six weeks it was the hardest, then I was ok. Then yesterday she gets back in contact with me after a couple weeks, we argue and she tells me to move on. Now I feel like crap. It's a vicious circle. What we both need to do is break out of that circle. Why did we love these people so much? Why did we loathe them? We have to take them off the pedastal and realize that despite all the good we did for them, it wasn't enough and that has nothing to do with us. These are issues withing themselves. My ex had WAY bigger issues than our relationship. But in the end no matter how much you love them, they need to take care of themselves first. Don't put a time limit on the grieving process. One day you may walk down the street and meet that person that makes you get that nervous feeling in your gut again, then you will know that you still got it.
soheartbroken Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Wow. I totally relate to your post. You're in a war zone right now, totally shattered. I don't even like thinking about those first few weeks...worst sh*t I have ever been through in my life. Things are going to change. The shattering will transform into sadness, but it will be more manageable. Please do not put pressure on yourself to "get over it". You can try doing new things, try all you want, but really it's time that's going to do most of the work. My ex was the same way. Treated me great up until the time of the break-up and afterwards. I'm not really sure what to think about that. It makes it hard to be angry. And I wasn't very good to her, so that makes it really difficult. At least you can say that you gave it your all, that you were really good to her. Take comfort in that. At any rate, anything I say will not really make it better. You just need to survive. Trust that in a few weeks from now, things will be different. BUT PLEASE REMEMBER: you will go backwards sometimes, as most people have mentioned. You will have bad days, you will hit rock bottom (if you're not already there). Keep those friends and therapist on speed dial! As to whether you will love someone the same again: I can't speak to that because I'm in that boat with you! I'm around 2 months post-split, 5 year relationship. How long was your relationship? Keep posting when you feel the need to.
georgia girl Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Draw Monkey, et al: Here's my short "survival list" for right after a breakup to feel better: 1) Go no contact. The high you get from talking to them is much smaller than the massive disappointment, depression and hurt you get when the conversation is over. This is the only way to start slowing down the emotional roller coaster. 2) Do stuff with friends. You don't want to. You don't feel like it, etc. It doesn't matter. Go do something with a friend. And the next day, do something else. You have to start distracting yourself. 3) On the distracting note, reclaim something you liked to do prior to you getting together. This was key for me. It focused me on something I enjoyed that was a constant in my life, regardless of who was in my life. 4) Exercise. Exercising releases endorphins, so it's a natural antidepressant. It also helps you get out aggression. I wasn't just sad - I was mad. I pounded out quite a few miles imagining that I was running on my boyfriend's neck (and his eyes would bulge out every time I stepped! Great visual) 5) Talk to a counselor. I went to a counselor because I didn't want to burden my friends with my feelings. It was the best thing I ever did. Friends love you, but they give you bad advice. My counselling time was an hour all to myself to dwell on my relationship. As a side note, I tried to compartmentalize my thoughts on my relationship to that hour so I would force myself to switch thoughts. I would just say, "Save it for the counseling session..." 6) Realize we all get broken hearts and we all break hearts. That this is part of living. I don't believe in anesthesizing yourself past this point. Instead, I believe that you have to get a little tough with yourself and say, "It's time to move on now. Let's go." Good luck. This is a sad, tough time. It will get better. You will find someone new (or your ex may come back like mine did). But you have to be a whole person before you can truly love again. Get whole. It's worth it.
mimiminx Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Thank you Georgia Girl, these are great tips. Good luck to everyone... I feel the same way.. after a month I can't imagine my future without him. Although it doesn't feel like its getting any better, it will. It has to.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 drawmonkey, how are you doing today man?
Author drawmonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Thanks, everybody. I love and cherish all the support and advice. We only dated for two months...yeah, I know...seems dumb, but we spent every second together in that time. We will never talk again. So NC is no problem. I am trying to get back to things i gave up for her. Things that gave me meaning. It's all very hard. But knowing people are in/have been in the same boat does help. I miss her so much and I'm crying while I type this (yeah, real manly), but I know logically that someday the pain will subside. It's just so damn hard right now. On top of everything else I've found out I may have a brain tumor. This might be the cause of much of my depression, they say. So maybe getting this treated will help with that.
MeadowGlitter Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Thanks, everybody. I love and cherish all the support and advice. We only dated for two months...yeah, I know...seems dumb, but we spent every second together in that time. We will never talk again. So NC is no problem. I am trying to get back to things i gave up for her. Things that gave me meaning. It's all very hard. But knowing people are in/have been in the same boat does help. I miss her so much and I'm crying while I type this (yeah, real manly), but I know logically that someday the pain will subside. It's just so damn hard right now. On top of everything else I've found out I may have a brain tumor. This might be the cause of much of my depression, they say. So maybe getting this treated will help with that. It's not stupid. I dated someone for about the same amount of time and it crushed me when it ended. It's the person, not so much the length of the relationship. Cry... all you want. No one can see you. Keep posting.
fofiffs Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I was in the same boat like you 6 months ago. I couldn't eat, sleep, think, I was basically paralyzed from doing anything. All I thought about was her and I never thought that the unbearable pain will go away. Now I can say that it does get better over time. Trust me whenI say you will heal. Just give it sometime. Force yourself to stay busy even you don't feel like it. Also try your best to stay NC. If you see yourself slipping get on love LS or call a family member or friend. Give it sometime and later on down the road you'll be saying the same thing to newly heart broken people here on LS. I wish you the best of luck and we are all here to support you.
Author drawmonkey Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 The betrayal is the hardest part. She made these continuous and profound professions of love (that were not asked for by me) everyday, right up until the end. She totally seduced me emotionally and physically. I feel violated in a way.
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