KTMRider33 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Thought I'd come back and catch up on how everyone was doing. Comforting to see the names of those that helped me through my darkest hours......sorry to see so many new names of people suffering the same or similar fate. I can't find my last thread......so in brief. ILYBNILWY speach at Easter, found out about OM at Easter, wife left me shortly after. Now sharing 50/50 custody and heading to divorce. I have met a wonderful woman, and am taking it slowly, but boy am I sooo much happier than I was a few months back. To all those new to this......when everybody says it just takes time, believe, because it's so true...... I still hurt everyday, but not so bad, I've come a long way with detaching. Last night I had to discuss who was having, the kids before my daughters first day at school, I stayed calm an controlled, she cried a lot!!!!! You find out who your true friends are, and you know what, the LBS, grows, gets stronger, better, and moves on. The cheater spins, and wallows, and starts to crash and burn..... It's far from over.....I have years to deal with the STBX, we have kids, but.....I'm doing fine.
lupa Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Thought I'd come back and catch up on how everyone was doing. Comforting to see the names of those that helped me through my darkest hours......sorry to see so many new names of people suffering the same or similar fate. I can't find my last thread......so in brief. ILYBNILWY speach at Easter, found out about OM at Easter, wife left me shortly after. Now sharing 50/50 custody and heading to divorce. I have met a wonderful woman, and am taking it slowly, but boy am I sooo much happier than I was a few months back. To all those new to this......when everybody says it just takes time, believe, because it's so true...... I still hurt everyday, but not so bad, I've come a long way with detaching. Last night I had to discuss who was having, the kids before my daughters first day at school, I stayed calm an controlled, she cried a lot!!!!! You find out who your true friends are, and you know what, the LBS, grows, gets stronger, better, and moves on. The cheater spins, and wallows, and starts to crash and burn..... It's far from over.....I have years to deal with the STBX, we have kids, but.....I'm doing fine. Good job. I'm actually in a similar situation, but with no kids. I found a past love by accident and we are back involved. You are very right in saying that it takes time, you find yourself stronger in so many ways. It hurts me, every day, and I think about my wife a lot, but really, time has started moving again, and my life is starting on my own. Hope all is/stays well...keep moving on! Onward and upward!
LisaUk Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Hi KTM Good to see you, have been wondering how you were getting on! I'm so pleased to hear that you are doing well and have found a new lady in your life. We didn't get much of a summer in the end though did we?! LOL
tojaz Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Glad to hear things workin well for you KTM, yours was one of the first threads I read here on LS, now a 1,000 posts later, LOL. Thanks for the update and keep that bike shiny side up! TOJAZ
hopesndreams Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 the LBS, grows, gets stronger, better, and moves on. The cheater spins, and wallows, and starts to crash and burn..... So true, so true. So glad you came to report back and am happy to hear things are going good for you. You had it rough, couldn't get any rougher, and you have come through it. Only good things ahead for you, that I am sure.
imagine Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Last night I had to discuss who was having, the kids before my daughters first day at school, I stayed calm an controlled, she cried a lot!!!!! What made her cry?
Jonesey Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 What is making her cry is the same thing that is making my wife cry every time she drops the boy off for my 7 day stretch. The same thing that makes her cry at important events such as 1st day of school, my son's birthday, etc.... It's called GUILT. KTM, we share a similar time line with our situations and it looks like our STBXW's share a pattern. Make sure you keep your head up and keep walking the walk, even if you don't feel it or want to. Jonesey
singledad2 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Thanks for the comforting story. I needed to be reminded there is a future beyond this.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 yep, it does get better!!! lol. Good to see your thriving KMT!
Author KTMRider33 Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 What is making her cry is the same thing that is making my wife cry every time she drops the boy off for my 7 day stretch. The same thing that makes her cry at important events such as 1st day of school, my son's birthday, etc.... It's called GUILT. KTM, we share a similar time line with our situations and it looks like our STBXW's share a pattern. Make sure you keep your head up and keep walking the walk, even if you don't feel it or want to. Jonesey Jonesey....you hit the nail square on the head there. These last few months have just been a mad rollercoaster, way too much has gone on to post here in full, but I did have a couple of conversations that insinuated she wanted to come back.....she even told friends as much.....then she changed her mind and headed straight back to OM!!! I firmly believe she is in MLC, all her actions would indicate as much. She feels terribly guilty, and conversations with her are very hard work, everything I say is misconstrued as an attack, it's as if I'm talking a foreign language.......But I stay calm and detached as much as possible, although this just seems to fuel the tears. Many thanks for all your responses, I couldn't have got here without the support I got, it's far from over, so if you don't mind I may just hang around for a while, and maybe I can help somebody else, starting their journey down this road.
LisaUk Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Yes do stay KTM! Heres a link to a website about MLC you may find interesting, it's about males in MLC but applys to females also. www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com
Author KTMRider33 Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 So, things have moved on...... A couple of weeks ago I made it clear to STBX that I didn't want her back, and OM had done me a service by taking her off my hands!!!!! Lo and behold, she wants to see me to discuss the children......... We meet, she pours her heart out about how she's been depressed, and misses me.....and a whole host of other crap!!!! I had to hold my tongue as a lot of what she said was b****x, for example, I should show her some compassion!!!!!!! WTF like she showed me? I ask what all this means, and she tells me she's confused......she's mental as far as I'm concerned not confused!!!! Well I hear after that things with POSOM are not going well.......surprise surprise. Next thing I hear is she's started wearing her wedding band again!!!!!! I'm getting pressure from friends to chase her, and try and win her back.......NOT A CHANCE!!!!! You wise people can see it so can I...... It's not all hearts and flowers, the grass is yellow on the other side, reality isn't Disney......so she wants me on the hook as a fall back position. If she comes to me with 110% commitment, we can talk, I will seriously think about it. Other than that I'm keeping on heading in my own direction. Why when you finally start to let go do they start to come back.......very very strange.
lupa Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 So, things have moved on...... A couple of weeks ago I made it clear to STBX that I didn't want her back, and OM had done me a service by taking her off my hands!!!!! Lo and behold, she wants to see me to discuss the children......... We meet, she pours her heart out about how she's been depressed, and misses me.....and a whole host of other crap!!!! I had to hold my tongue as a lot of what she said was b****x, for example, I should show her some compassion!!!!!!! WTF like she showed me? I ask what all this means, and she tells me she's confused......she's mental as far as I'm concerned not confused!!!! Well I hear after that things with POSOM are not going well.......surprise surprise. Next thing I hear is she's started wearing her wedding band again!!!!!! I'm getting pressure from friends to chase her, and try and win her back.......NOT A CHANCE!!!!! You wise people can see it so can I...... It's not all hearts and flowers, the grass is yellow on the other side, reality isn't Disney......so she wants me on the hook as a fall back position. If she comes to me with 110% commitment, we can talk, I will seriously think about it. Other than that I'm keeping on heading in my own direction. Why when you finally start to let go do they start to come back.......very very strange. Well, the only person you have to be true to is yourself, man. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be in your position, the temptation of a familiar comfort pulling on you. I wish you the best in whatever you do.
imagine Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I believe that your relationship with your other lady-friend is premature at this stage. It does stop the hurting. How is this going?
Author KTMRider33 Posted October 14, 2009 Author Posted October 14, 2009 I believe that your relationship with your other lady-friend is premature at this stage. It does stop the hurting. How is this going? You may be right.......I moved on and started a relationship because my marriage was dead, STBX was with OM and wanted nothing to do with me. In fact up until two weeks ago she was madly in love with him!!!!! This recent turn of events has messed with my head a bit, but I have been honest with my new lady at all times, she understands what is going on. We have taken things as slowly as possible, and that's the way it will remain. I don't really believe that STBX wants me back, this is just part of the process. As I said before, because of my children, if reconciliation was offered I would have to seriously consider it, but because of all the destruction that went before, I'm not sure I could ever go back. I can't see the person my STBX has become, being prepared to do what would be required. Although I'm sure most of us like the 'idea' of a second chance, the reality would be a whole lot different.
imagine Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 As I said before, because of my children, if reconciliation was offered I would have to seriously consider it, but because of all the destruction that went before, I'm not sure I could ever go back. If your relationship is toxic, this is NOT ideal for your kids. I do believe that a husband must forgive a wife if their is genuine repentance. I think that it is possible to totally rebuild a marriage, better than new. Consider her circumstances in the past. Is she for real. However, dump a faker!
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