junglejim Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I'm trying to avoid what may be an over reaction so I would appreciate some honest opinions. I'm single and male. I am friends with a very attractive woman the same age (40s) and as far as I can tell we have a very close relationship. We share extremely personal and private information and if she is having a bad time with her kids or work etc. I am the first person she calls even if it's 3am. Occassionally, if we both want it, a more physical side to our relationship emerges and we both seem to enjoy it. It has remained this way for some months. Recently, she had what I suspect was a mild heart attack. (Chest pain, numb arm which lasted a few hours etc.) and I wanted to take her to the ER. She fought this suggestion and the end compromise was to take her to the local fire station where she had apparently gone before for a blood pressure test and she said she knew the guys. When we arrived, she went in, described the situation and began chatting with the four firemen, with me by her side. One fireman agreed to do a four 12 point test which essentially means seeing her chest. What happened next surprised me. She turned to me and said "you had better step over there", and pointed away to a corner of the room. However, although there was just one guy that would do the test, she did not ask any of the four firemen to leave. In fact, she started flirting quite a lot. I did as I was asked and stepped away. So there she sat, cradling her boobs with 4 very happy firemen doing their level best to seem professional, asking questions etc. while she let her legs open and close and giggled etc. So my question is in three parts: 1) Am I being reasonable in seeing this behavior as foolish and trampy in light of the fact that she was supposed to be there to get her heart checked out? 2) After she sent me to another part of the room, she then threw back a comment at one point about making sure I was not looking. It seems to me that sending me to another part of the room but letting the firemen stay was her way of saying 'he's not an issue and not connected to me so he cannot look but you guys are and can'. Does this make sense? 3) Afterward, I said that I was surprised and a little put off by her behavior and asked her to explain why she did it. Her response was "well it was medical and if I was going into a gyno you wouldn't be coming with me would you?" This final comment seems like complete BS from any angle I play it. Essentially, to me, what he did showed a lack of common sense and was disrespectful to me. Though the firefighters did seem to be getting a kick out of it. I first thought it was deliberate but she doesn't seem to think she did anything wrong. I'm not the possessive type and our relationship has been based on zero ownership but supposed respect. It seems to me that while I was worrying about her health, she was too concerned about flirting with men in uniform to consider her actions. Any thoughts? Thanks M.
VictoryisMine Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 No, your not being unreasonable. Her behavior was tacky to say the least. "Showed a lack of common sense and was disrespectful to me' "Based on zero ownership but supposed respect' Jim, you know the drill (no pun intended) on this Friends With Benefits .... Dating. My thoughts are don't keep any kind of friend who can be so tasteless, thoughtless, and tacky when you are trying to help them out.
Author junglejim Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 As a guy I know we men can over react when our ego's are hurt so I wanted to be sure my decision to back off was the right one. Thanks again for responding.
Curious-One Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 Thats totally not cool. First I dont understand why she would go to a firestation to check out her medical problems.... I dont care if she knew them or no... From my understanding firefighters are trained on emergency health issues , they are not there to treat people for non emergency medical issues especially ones that involve showing off private parts. Furthermore i dont see what has looking at the chest have to do with a person having a heart attack. You would think that they would be getting blood pressure, heart rate etc to decide that. What concerns me even more is the way she told you to go to a corner like a little dog while she showed her boobs to not one but four different fireman. If four guys could have seen them than you should have been able to see them too IMO.
Island Girl Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 She has issues. Yep she was flirting and all about the guys at the fire dept. And she "knew" them?? Probably the way a friend of mine "knows" several police officers around here - she has seen them out - met them whatever -- but flirts with them shamelessly and blatantly. She disrespected you - and you have seen her naked right?? So why should she care if these other guys saw her breasts and you did for the (insert correct number) time as well. There is a lot wrong with her. Good luck with the whole FWB thing.
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I agree with Island Girl, that was pretty ridiculous of her to act that way seeing as you've definitely seen her boobs before, lol, geez.. I don't think your overreacting at all tho, i would've been pissed too... That was completely immature, especially for someone at that age.
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 What concerns me even more is the way she told you to go to a corner like a little dog while she showed her boobs to not one but four different fireman. If four guys could have seen them than you should have been able to see them too IMO. You are too funny..! Lol.
Author junglejim Posted September 10, 2009 Author Posted September 10, 2009 The dog comment is pretty funny as I volunteer as a trainer for aggressive dogs in shelters and the way she did it was exactly the way I would want someone to give a command, with confidence and absolute expectation of compliance. I do appreciate the feedback and I have already backed off but I hope for her sake she gets some self respect and learns that friends should be treated with dignity and respect. The FWB thing was something she initiated and I rejected the first couple of times. Looks like I should have stuck with my instincts and kept it as just friends.
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 The dog comment is pretty funny as I volunteer as a trainer for aggressive dogs in shelters and the way she did it was exactly the way I would want someone to give a command, with confidence and absolute expectation of compliance. I do appreciate the feedback and I have already backed off but I hope for her sake she gets some self respect and learns that friends should be treated with dignity and respect. The FWB thing was something she initiated and I rejected the first couple of times. Looks like I should have stuck with my instincts and kept it as just friends. I'm sure it'll be cool... People just do some dumb s**t sometimes.. lol. You know? She probably got caught up in all the attention she was getting.
Odyssey Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 She felt uncomfortable for you to be present, as she flirts with other people. And you're damn right, it's disrespectful behavior! If she sees this as ok, then she's not really a good person. How long have you been friends/FWB for?
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