DJMarky Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 So i haven't posted here in ages. I won't bore you with my story but to summarise she cheated on her bf to be with me, we got together, she wouldn't tell him about us, found she was hooking up with another guy, I broke up with her, she then contacted me saying she wanted to get back together and the guy meant nothing to her, I then found out she is telling my bro's friends we were never dated so I told her I never wanted to speak to her again. That was 8 months ago. Still, whenever I see a picture of her, or someone mentions her name my heart races. I have had 3 flings since then, one was repeat sex, with cuddling afterwards and falling asleep together, but it doesn't help at all! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH ME!? I don't usually feel swearing will emphasise my point , but in this case I just feel like exploding. Out of the last 3 girls, they have all liked me a lot! Willing to do a lot for me etc, drive to mine when I ask, pick me up from parties, cuddle watching a movie, have sex etc but it doesn't HELP ARGH. I haven't seen her physically in 8 months (cept twice with her bf where I just said a friendly hello and kept walking) and haven't spoken (msn (i blocked + deleted), facebook (deleted) and told her not to call me) in over 6 months, so what seems to be the problem? The relationship wasn't even long, it was 4 months, but i seem to be ****ing obsessed. My longest relationship was over 2 years but took me 1 day to get over it and not think about it again. I think I am a lost cause. I must have some mental disorder making me pathetic. I don't mention her to any of my friends now, cause it has been so ****ing long they wouldn't even know I still think about her. ARGH!
soheartbroken Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I really feel for you. This is everyone's worst fear. My thoughts: 1. People heal at different paces, and maybe it's just gonna take awhile longer. 2. Perhaps seeing her twice with her bf is affecting you more than you think 3. Were you dumped after the 2 year relationship? If so, maybe you repressed those feelings and they are coming back to haunt you. 4. Maybe you have an abandonment issue, or some issue from your past that is impeding your progress (this would be my best guess) 5. Could you be depressed? Doesn't sound like it from your post, but could be a possibility. 6. Maybe you became involved with these other girls too soon, and thus never healed from your relationship with this person. Have you considered staying single for some time? Your thoughts?
Author DJMarky Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 I really feel for you. This is everyone's worst fear. My thoughts: 1. People heal at different paces, and maybe it's just gonna take awhile longer. 2. Perhaps seeing her twice with her bf is affecting you more than you think 3. Were you dumped after the 2 year relationship? If so, maybe you repressed those feelings and they are coming back to haunt you. 4. Maybe you have an abandonment issue, or some issue from your past that is impeding your progress (this would be my best guess) 5. Could you be depressed? Doesn't sound like it from your post, but could be a possibility. 6. Maybe you became involved with these other girls too soon, and thus never healed from your relationship with this person. Have you considered staying single for some time? Your thoughts? Hey thanks for the reply I really appreciate it. 1) I guess you are right, but this seems like an absurd amount of time over a relationship that was quite short. 2) That is possible, I guess it's also the fact she said to me how he meant nothing to her, she was bored of him, she couldn't stop thinking about me and was willing to get back with me on several occassions, each time I shut her down, and now we don't talk and they are still dating so I guess I feel like I wasted my chance to get back with her, but I know in my head she is not a good girl to get involved with. She is a cheater, dresses like a (complete) skank and uses her looks to have multiple guys wrapped around her finger. 3) Nope, I have had 5 past relationships (including the one we are discussing now) and have ended them all. The 2 year one was because I had just started university and wanted something totally different from what she wanted. She wanted committment and got annoyed if I went out all the time with my friends without her, so I ended it. She took it much worse than me. I didn't even spend a second upset, I felt free. 4) I can't see where this would be from, most people would start with parents, but my parents are still together, both are great and care about me. There is no significant point in my past where I have felt abandoned. 5) I don't know, I guess I feel like I will never get over her which is causing me to become upset. I have great girls interested in me, but I just don't feel anything and I can't help it. I wonder if I will be like this forever, just dating girls for the hell of it but being empty inside. 6) I have been single since the break up, with these girls we never started dating. It was just hook ups, rebounds for me I guess. I haven't been interested in a girl for a long time. All my past relationships, including the last, have been initiated by the girl. The last one sought me out when she was with her bf, called me constantly, came over and then it got physically even though she was seeing someone (karma kicking me in the ass?). There has only been one girl I can think of where I have actively pursued her, we kissed, but she had/has a boyfriend so that got awkward real quick. We talk now, but briefly and not nearly as much as we used to (every day til 3am), that was a few years ago though. This whole situation is totally messed up and I wish I never met her. Anyways, cheers for reading my rambling.
georgia girl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Here's my take on the situation, for what it's worth. 1) There is nothing wrong with you. 2) You are not "in love" with this girl. She has become, however, a fantasy. Why? Because you got "rejected" int he scenerio (even though you ended it; you ended it because she hurt you). Therefore, she is now everything you have ever wanted. 3) This is about the chase and the fantasy. Once you realize that, the feelings will switch off like a light switch and you'll laugh at the times you thought you were still in love with her. 4) Go out there and find another fantasy in the form of another girl you'd like to date. Have a little - or a lot - of fun!
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 So what exactly about this girl that you think of? It does sound a little obsessive, but everyone gets that way sometimes. There are a few reasons you might feel that way: 1) You're bored 2) She gave you/made you feel a certain way 3) She hasn't shown any interest in you since than [ there is this theory on obsessive love that says rejection and obsession are linked to each other, or that a type of rejection starts the obsessed phase] But than again i'm not a professional or anything it's just my opinion, but you seem to be pretty good with the ladies, so there has to be something in this one that you may have liked and just haven't found in anyone else since then.. Idk..
Surfer Girl Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 It might be that you never really accepted the relationship was over.... From viewing past posts.... the first 3-6 weeks are hell... then you find you can move on somewhat.... you get a life, date, and don't have the anxiety you used to.... As I have seen from other posters... the 8 month mark is h***ll all of sudden you all those you dated did not compare.... and here you are thinking what the f***k..... and you have been thru all the stages except.... the one that you just don't want to believe... Accepting it is over.... Very painful.......
Author DJMarky Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Thank you all for your respones, it does help! georgia girl: Thanks for saying there is nothing wrong with me , it means a lot. I feel as if I am a lost cause, but I know I am not alone. It just seems pathetic that people on here are going through divorces, and I am having a sad about 4-5 months in my existence. I think you could be right about the rejection part, she was a total cheating flirt, and when I broke up with her I didn't really want to, I did it out of dignity. I felt comforted that she tried to get back with me on several occassions, asking me to talk about us, offering to come round and take me to for dinner, telling me how this other guy is nothing etc, but I stood my ground and either ignored her smses, phone calls or just said no. After I found out she told my brother's friends we never dated, that was the last straw, I pretty much said, 'have a good life, don't contact me again', of course she still tried, then stopped. I hope the feelings do switch off quickly and I can laugh. I think I need a replacement girl I actually care about, cause I did care about her SO much. I do need to find a girl I actually want to date, instead of having a girl around for the sake of it. EsmerKiss7: Yep, I know it is obsessive, and not just a little. I think out of all the points you mentioned it would be that she made me feel a certain way. Even when she was showing me plenty of interest after the berak up, I would just brush her off cause I thought it was the right thing to do to get over her, but I still had the same feelings. They haven't changed because we stopped talking. I guess she was the first girl that gave me these emotions when I thought of her. She also told me she felt the same by writing me a long email that said something a long the lines of, 'I never thought I would fall in love with someone, then you came along before i knew it I was in love with you. I can't control it, When i think about you my heart starts beating faster and I get the butterflies and I get all nervous and excited.' .. wow how sad I still remember the jist of it. The things she said play in my mind all the time, that combined with the fact she totally dissed the guy she is dating now, makes me always wonder if she still feels the same. I mean, she told me he was nothing etc and was trying to get back with me while dating him and I guess I can't see how that can change. I am always wondering if she still thinks about me like she said she always does. From a girls perspective is it possible? I mean can you start dating someone while constantly thinking of your ex and trying to get back with him, then being rejected and just settling in the new relationship and stop thinking about your ex altogether? I guess these thoughts plague me, even though the answer to them all is, "it doesn't matter, she is out of your life." Surfer Girl: I hope you are right! I really hope this is the last stage I have to go through. I mean I haven't cried once after the break up - not that I am not upset, I just find it difficult to cry. I haven't been mopping about, I still go out partying, still have fun times, but she is somehow always in the back of my mind. I guess I need to accept I won't have anything to do with her for the rest of my life and get on with it. I think the only way for me to truly get over her is to find a girl that gives me the same feelings she did. Thanks for reading! I know I am rambling but feels good to get it out since there is no one I can talk to about it now without their eyes rolling. I am still sticking to NC, I really don't want to break the 6 months NC, so she will remain blocked on my msn.
EsmerKiss7 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Thanks for reading! I know I am rambling but feels good to get it out since there is no one I can talk to about it now without their eyes rolling. I am still sticking to NC, I really don't want to break the 6 months NC, so she will remain blocked on my msn. I think continuing NC is a good idea, she doesn't sound good for you at all boyo, and i'm pretty sure that it's the feeling she gave you that you miss, not really her. Either way, you'll be fine.
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