dell2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 This is stupid, but I dont know why it bugs me, maybe because I was led on. When I first started dating my gf, we joked about a FB relationship. She said she'd do it after some time, because she didnt want her reallyy good friend to know that shes seeing me (her friend liked me first, and she was dating me behind her back). Well after school ended I asked her again and she said soon she would do the FB thing. A month later I sent her a request and she said she's tired so she'll do it soon. She didn't accept and so I removed it. Both of us have is as unspecified right now. Well I asked her again and she gets irritated by it, and said she doesnt know why i weight so much on a stupid facebook relationship. THen she told me she didnt want her personal life on there, some things kept to herself. See that is what bothered me, not that we dont display it, but the fact that she lied, the fact that she told me that she would do it but not at the time cuz of her friend, but then when her friend wasn't in the picture, it was a new excuse. Am I seeing a red flag here? ANd then just today she added her X on FB. and she said well he's been asking me for some time sending requests so i just gave in. So I said if you give in to that, you'll give in to a FB relationship right? We've been dating almost 7 months. There's a few years age gap between us, as she is still in college etc. It bugs me that she would make me believe that she would do it, and when it came to it, no. It makes me wonder if there are other little lies. Stupid lies.
northstar1 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 This is stupid, but I dont know why it bugs me, maybe because I was led on. When I first started dating my gf, we joked about a FB relationship. She said she'd do it after some time, because she didnt want her reallyy good friend to know that shes seeing me (her friend liked me first, and she was dating me behind her back). Well after school ended I asked her again and she said soon she would do the FB thing. A month later I sent her a request and she said she's tired so she'll do it soon. She didn't accept and so I removed it. Both of us have is as unspecified right now. Well I asked her again and she gets irritated by it, and said she doesnt know why i weight so much on a stupid facebook relationship. THen she told me she didnt want her personal life on there, some things kept to herself. See that is what bothered me, not that we dont display it, but the fact that she lied, the fact that she told me that she would do it but not at the time cuz of her friend, but then when her friend wasn't in the picture, it was a new excuse. Am I seeing a red flag here? ANd then just today she added her X on FB. and she said well he's been asking me for some time sending requests so i just gave in. So I said if you give in to that, you'll give in to a FB relationship right? We've been dating almost 7 months. There's a few years age gap between us, as she is still in college etc. It bugs me that she would make me believe that she would do it, and when it came to it, no. It makes me wonder if there are other little lies. Stupid lies. Well, on it's own, the facebook status thing isn't really a big deal. Personally I think it's really ridiculous to feel you have to validate your relationship on facebook. If you are out of highschool, I just don't see the need and some people like some measure of privacy of what they put on there That being said, what is a bit troubling is that she has just added her ex - which might suggest that she doesn't want him knowing she is with someone. Has she ever hinted she isn't over him yet?
Author dell2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 He isn't right for her. Her parents HATED him she said. So eventually she broke it off. This was was a year ago. Yeah the FB isn't a big deal to me, it's the fact that i was led to believe.
Rollercoasterr Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 The facebook part isn't really a big deal, but what is a big deal is that she continually lied about it and put it off. If it's something so small and simple, why would she not just go ahead and do it? I think something smells like a dead fish left in a car for a few days. Huge red flag. Especially after adding the ex. I wont add my exes to any of my social networking things, even if I'm on pleasant terms with them.
Author dell2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 The facebook part isn't really a big deal, but what is a big deal is that she continually lied about it and put it off. If it's something so small and simple, why would she not just go ahead and do it? I think something smells like a dead fish left in a car for a few days. Huge red flag. Especially after adding the ex. I wont add my exes to any of my social networking things, even if I'm on pleasant terms with them. Yeah her new reason is that she likes to keep some things private.
joseffrost Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Facebook is a ridiculous, vapid exercise in self-promotion and does not reflect real-life in the slightest. If someone wants to be with you then they should be happy to shout it to the world, not try to hide it on a silly virtual tw*t-osphere.
SophieA Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 It would bug me too. Okay, sure, facebook is stupid. But if you're with someone and HAPPY about it- it was always my understanding that you'd want to "shout it from the rooftops!" So I don't get why she just doesn't accept your relationship request. And the whole adding the ex thing? What's up with that?
quankanne Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I'd be less worried about FB status and more worried about why she's trying to keep y'alls relationship hidden ... and why she'd go behind her friend's back to "date" you. HUGE red flag, IMO ...
Author dell2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 yeah i don't get the whole X thing. I want to confront her and ask her if she still has feelings (which i highly doubt) or why did she add him again after she deleted him like 2 months ago when he accused her of cheating and was texting her stupid stuff trying to get her jealous or something. she's not keeping the relationship hidden in public. When i visit her up there i'll be able to know for sure, seeing how she introduces me to her guy friends, since i never really met any because the opportunity never existed. but this fall it does, HUGE opportunity in deed. Or I know her guy friends already since we were already mutual friends. she had to go behind her back because i slept with her friend, accident, then met my gf, instant connection, and she decided she wanted to pursue me and not have to worry about her friend
looking4 green grass Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 While I agree that the FB "in a relationship" status is cheesy, I sure didn't care when my BF sent me a request. If it makes him happy, why wouldn't I do it? I was going to suggest that maybe she has several professional contacts, but you say she is in college, so I highly doubt it. (Bad news that adding professional contacts to FB, I personally don't do it) But if it's only her friends, what's the big deal? Are there pictures of you two?
Author dell2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Yeah there are a few pics of us, nothing like kissing or anything but hugging. but she has hugging of other guys so yeah. yeah no professional connections either. yeah she claims to be happy with me, but yeah that whole FB is confusing
looking4 green grass Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Is this friend you hooked up with on her FB page? That could be the issue............
Author dell2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 yeah. if you are asking if they are fb friends. but she said that wasnt an issue anymore, since she doesnt live with her and barely talks to her now the reason is she just doesnt want all her personal info out there
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I know how you feel about the whole fb relationship thing. I was there as well with my now ex. We got back together after a break and he still had it as single despite my requests and constant reminders..... It might seem silly....and it is...but if you really take into account that everything that is done that affects the other partners should be watched carefully, then it is a red flag I dont know how you feel about it but to me his reluctance told me he wasnt sure of the relationship and didnt want to go to the trouble of adding that and a few months later removing it. (as in, he already had it in his mind it wasnt going to last). I came here, asked about it, was told to brush it off, and I did....bad idea. trust yourself. If something seems amiss, regardless of how silly it might look to others, it probably is. Now as to what you can do about it? well im not really sure. Once my friend told me that when you really like someone you want the whole world to know. If someone you're dating treats you like they want to keep you underwraps is for a reason so...do you really want to be with someone like that? BUT disclaimer....I am going through a break up that i saw coming from the get go, including those silly facebook things. I ignored the redflags and now im kicking myself for it. So i might just have a huge cynical stance about this, which include that i will not allow anyone to treat me like an option. SO thats just me. Good luck hun. And seriously seriously seriously trust yourself
SuburbanOblivion Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Despite living in different countries and both of us going through divorces, my SO and I are 'together' on our Facebook statuses and neither of us would have it any other way. It sounds to me like she's trying to keep her options open.
LoveWinsAll Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I know where you're coming from. I've been dating the same guy off and on for over 2 1/2 years, and we are "on" again and he's been refusing to change his status. He says he loves me, but for some reason he feels its necessary to broadcast to the world he's single. I personally hate it because he is very flirtatious, and often people check statuses to see if someone is "Available" and I don't want any girls to go after him. My point is if it bothers you, tell her how you feel and WHY you feel that way. I personally don't think its stupid at all because I'm in the same position. I found that telling him why it bothered me so much at least made him listen to what I had to say. Although it still says single, I think he'll change it once he gets the chance.
hoping2heal Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I know where you're coming from. I've been dating the same guy off and on for over 2 1/2 years, and we are "on" again and he's been refusing to change his status. He says he loves me, but for some reason he feels its necessary to broadcast to the world he's single. I personally hate it because he is very flirtatious, and often people check statuses to see if someone is "Available" and I don't want any girls to go after him. My point is if it bothers you, tell her how you feel and WHY you feel that way. I personally don't think its stupid at all because I'm in the same position. I found that telling him why it bothered me so much at least made him listen to what I had to say. Although it still says single, I think he'll change it once he gets the chance. Is this a transient relationship or do you hope to have a long term comittment? If you do, are you considering this red flag? It's one thing for a person to not give a rip, and so they don't comment on their status at all. However, once you tell him your feelings and he insists he NEEDS to make people think he's single? I mean you are being dicked around. You keep letting him get away with that and it's never going to get any better.
Flavour Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 The facebook part isn't really a big deal, but what is a big deal is that she continually lied about it and put it off. If it's something so small and simple, why would she not just go ahead and do it? I think something smells like a dead fish left in a car for a few days. Huge red flag. Especially after adding the ex. I wont add my exes to any of my social networking things, even if I'm on pleasant terms with them. I agree with Rollercoaster. Yes FB is not such a big deal, but for me it is somehow important. I am proud of my love, I want anybody to know it, I would shout it on the roofs. I think you should have a good talk with her about how this makes you feel. let her know you are hurt and that you admit it may sound silly, but it is important for you, she should care about it. And ask her how would she feel if you add an ex of yours on FB too.
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