daffodils2 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 My boyfriend and I have had issues of trust from the beginning. When we first started dating, before we were officially bf/gf, he was seeing several women behind my back and lying to me about it. It wouldn't have bothered me as much if he'd been up front and honest about it but he chose to lie instead. Also I found out his relationship history. He usually starts setting up the next relationship before the one he's in is over. Even if he doesn't technically "cheat". So my boyfriend went to Burning Man for the week. For those people who don't know what it is, Burning Man is a week long art festival where 50,000 people camp out in the Nevada desert. It's basically a week long wild party with a ton of nudity, drinking, drugs, and wild behavior. My boyfriend said there might be phones there and he would try to find one and call me. Not only has he not called all week, I also found out they have cell phone reception there for the first time. So he could have called from his own cell phone if he wanted to. He told me he was getting home Sunday or Monday (the festival ended Sunday night). At this point it is Monday night and I haven't heard from him at all. I am upset, angry and freaking out. A million thought are going through my head about what he could have been doing this week, who he is with, and what is stopping him from calling me. I am so upset that I'm thinking of just turning off my phone and not answering his calls for a few days, whenever he does get back and decides he feels like calling me. Am I freaking out too much about this?
bluewolf17 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 If you can't trust him, what do you have? It truly is the foundation of a relationship. You have to know that the other person is just as commited as you. I don't know if you have jealousy issues, or if you just feel concerned because of his history. But either way you need to figure out if this is somthing that you both can work past or not. Otherwise it will just keep coming up and coming up until it explodes. I really hope it works out, TALK it out. And don't wait for somthing to happen before you talk. Do it when your both in good places.
MN randomguy Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 If you can't trust him, what do you have? It truly is the foundation of a relationship. You have to know that the other person is just as commited as you. . Good advice. I am so upset that I'm thinking of just turning off my phone and not answering his calls for a few days, whenever he does get back and decides he feels like calling me. Don't try to "punish" him by not talking. That's ridiculous. If you're too emotional and feel that you'll say something rash, then, yeah, wait. One other thing I think you could think about is this. What are your long-term goals and what is the point of this interaction. He sounds like a lot of fun. Burning man festival, personable, etc. Are these your priorities? You say that he hops from relationship to relationship. Are you OK with a guy always shopping for the "new model"? You're not perfect and your S.O. is not perfect. So, you're going to have to decide what faults you can live with. If you find-out he's unfaithful, is that OK, or are you willing to give some other positive up to gain more faithfulness in the next guy?
boogieboy Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 He lied to you from the beginning and you stayed with him? Why?
joncolon4 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 He lied to you from the beginning and you stayed with him? Why? i agree. and with the other posters. if i were you i'd leave him. again, trust is the foundation of a relationship, if there is none, the relationship will die. its not cool how he hasn't called you at least. i can see how much he actually cares for you.
Paragon Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Trust is foundation to all fulfilling relationships. The issues you brought up in your original post (worrying about where he is and what he's doing) are not the issues you should be focusing on. If you'd like me to expound and talk about this more, let me know. I'd be happy to give advice.
xra Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 You don't say how long you've been dating. Assuming that this isn't the first week/month of your relationship, you two should have figured out by now the mutually desired frequency of calling... Unfortunately, my own 2-year-long relationship ended because of an issue like this. Boyfriend did not feel like calling or talking to me, which is simply not compatible with my own goals and needs in a relationship. Some guys like to talk/text to gf throught the day, others are fine with weeks of no calling. You have to find someone who is right for you. If your boyfriend does not want to keep in touch as often as you want, it's only going to lead to either fights or bitterness on one side. Sometimes, two people are on different wavelengths and it's not really possible to compromise, so it's best for each to find a person more suitable for them. Sad, but true.
Island Girl Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Yes Black Rock has cell service although it can be spotty. And the burn happened Saturday night. Just about all burners headed out on Sunday. Stragglers leave Monday. I am at a loss just as the other posters are. Why are you with someone you can not trust. Whom you cannot believe or have faith in. Do you want to get married and have a family? Because honestly these issues of him possibly getting a new model will NOT go away. In fact they get worse - if you have children and you are carrying extra weight, if you are struggling through hard times, you will ALWAYS be worried that he is "shopping" or worse has already found someone new. Why are you wasting your time??
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I was married to a dog. And this guy sounds like leader of the pack. I'd be magically unavailable when he gets back from his party in the desert. Who knows how many diseases he's bringing home.
Island Girl Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I was married to a dog. And this guy sounds like leader of the pack. I'd be magically unavailable when he gets back from his party in the desert. Who knows how many diseases he's bringing home. No kidding!!
Soul Bear Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 This sounds like this will only make things harder for you the longer this relationship goes on. Trust is the foundation. How much do you value yourself? Don't you think as his girlfriend, you deserve at least a call or an sms...... And he hasn't even called you at all?? You are worth more than that i suspect......
sand26 Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 You don't say how long you've been dating. Assuming that this isn't the first week/month of your relationship, you two should have figured out by now the mutually desired frequency of calling... Unfortunately, my own 2-year-long relationship ended because of an issue like this. Boyfriend did not feel like calling or talking to me, which is simply not compatible with my own goals and needs in a relationship. Some guys like to talk/text to gf throught the day, others are fine with weeks of no calling. You have to find someone who is right for you. If your boyfriend does not want to keep in touch as often as you want, it's only going to lead to either fights or bitterness on one side. Sometimes, two people are on different wavelengths and it's not really possible to compromise, so it's best for each to find a person more suitable for them. Sad, but true. this is my opinion also. the mfk
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