EdDantes Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I ask because though I know it's never easy on the person getting dumped, but I'd like to minimize it if possible. Here's the story: We've been dating for about 2.5 months now. At first, it was fun and exciting as it always is. Now I find that we just don't seem to have "it". I have fun with her, but often after spending a few days with her, I find hanging out to be more of a chore/obligation. Basically, while we do get along, I can never see us being best friends, which is a necessity (at least for me) in any potential long-term partner. Problem is, I don't think she feels the same way. As far as I can tell, she is very into the relationship, and thinks everything is going great. I haven't led her on, and don't say anything I don't mean when I'm with her, but I think she's just become comfortable and is ok with how things are. Obviosuly, people have different ideas of what "works" in a relationship, and perhaps for her this is working while it's not for me. Also of note, I will likely be relocating in May. It's a career transition, and the chances of me staying where I am are quite low. I have mentioned before that where I end up is out of my hands for the most part, but she just seems to shrug it off. She has also said she sees herself living where we are now for life. So the question is, how do I break up with her in the least mean way possible? At this point, I'm convinced she's going to be blindsided by the whole thing, which I feel terrible about. But the other option is to go out with her for two more weeks and act disinterested, which seems downright evil. I was thinking of just being honest, saying that the chances of me being here long term are very low, and I don't believe in keeping a relationship going that has an expiration date. I'm hoping she won't inquire further, otherwise I would have to go into the "this just isn't working". Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Serena2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I ask because though I know it's never easy on the person getting dumped, but I'd like to minimize it if possible. I was thinking of just being honest, saying that the chances of me being here long term are very low, and I don't believe in keeping a relationship going that has an expiration date. I'm hoping she won't inquire further, otherwise I would have to go into the "this just isn't working". Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I think being honest about your reasons for ending it are in the best interests of both of you. Blaming it on your relocation is not honest and may leave her feeling that you have similar feelings for her and that you wanting to end it is based solely on your move. This may leave her with false hope that the relationship has a future (you may not relocate; she could relocate with you etc.) and it is unfair to her. Be honest with her about your thoughts and feelings and give her the opportunity to ask questions and be honest in regard to her questions. If she cares for you she likely will be hurt. But . . . if you are dishonest and center your reasons on relocation it has the potential to leave her in a position of more hurt and more difficulty processing the break-up. Most people are aware that love can overcome physical distance. You will not be sparing her feelings by using this as an excuse.
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